Worrying Never Solved a Problem

It is 2:30am on August 30th and Susan cannot sleep. Weeks ago she committed to hosting thirty people for Thanksgiving dinner in their new home. The builder called yesterday to announce that the delay in cabinet delivery will reschedule the November 1st move in day.

Susan's family must turn over their current home to the new owners on October 31st. Weather reports predict an early winter with lots of snow, which may also slow the construction process.

Her boss gave Susan a weird look when she mentioned taking time off in November to move into their new home.

Sam, was sniffling yesterday "He just cannot stay home from school this week! I cannot take another day off of work!" Susan tosses and turns as thoughts of pending disaster dances in her head.

And so it goes: the free fall into the worry abyss.

If this next that, and so on, and so on, and so on.

As humans, we have a remarkable ability to push ourselves moments, days, even years into the future and consider the "what might happen".

The hitch with this futuristic viewpoint is that just being able to "think it" does mean it will happen. Thinking does not make it so.

Worrying is not supportive. We want to think worrying helps us solve challenges ahead of time, but does not,because it cannot. Anticipating every conceivable outcome will not get us any closer to a solution. Worrying never, ever helped solve a problem.

We have no control over the future, and we cannot choose the best response to an unknown. Lying awake, worrying about a range of potential problems is at best a waste of time and energy. At worst anxiety may deplete energy needed to respond properly when the time comes to respond.

Too often, in the middle of the night we start to catastrophize about the worse case scenarios. One problem begets another, and they are all for naught.

Worrying spins you into dizzying circles instead of leading you to solutions.

Here's the truth.

95% of what you worry about does not end up coming true.

The 5% that does come true you handle well.

So don't let your thoughts get hijacked by worrying.My coaching client had to speak at a board meeting. She felt insecure about speaking publicly. She decided that her best outcome would be to tell her story "calmly without crying"and that being prepared would help reassure her composure.

This client agreed to focus on three main points and journal daily about her thoughts and feelings to calm her emotions and focus herself.

Writing is a helpful tool for working through difficult times.By putting your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on paper,you will be better able work through the emotions and climb to a more powerful perspective.

When we spoke after her meeting, she was extremely satisfied with her presentation. She believed the writing helped her immensely and plans to use it in future to calm herself in anxious moments.

Once Susan began writing about her worries they seemed less intimidating. If the house were not complete in time for Thanksgiving, then Susan would relocate the meal to another family member's home. Of course, she would be disappointed, but it would not be a disaster.

If the family had to leave their old home before the new home was ready, then they would temporarily stay at a local hotel. Not perfect but doable.

One by one, the worries faded. In my family, when facing challenges, we say "It isn't chemo". By this, we qualify that most challenges do not involve life or death endings. They are just bumps in the road, inconvenient, not fun, but only bumps.

Worrying never (ever) fixed a thing.

So stop focusing on the bumps in the road. Instead, look up and enjoy the 'present' of this moment as you journey through life.