What Is "Drive-By Delegation?"

I just read a great email written by Tellman Knudson.

In it, he describes what he calls "Drive-By Delegation."

Perhaps you're familiar with it... it's what happens when you "delegate," but either the task doesn't get done at all, it doesn't get done the way you intended it to be done, or the "doer" asks you so many questions, that you realize it would be quicker to do it yourself.

Ring a bell?

Tellman uses the example of asking someone to move the laundry from the washing machine to the dryer as you're walking to answer the phone.

"Sure," responds the person you ask.

Yet, when you check on the laundry 1/2 hour before you need to leave the house to meet your boss for dinner, you find that half of it is still damp, and the wool blazer that you wanted hung up to dry has shrunk to half its size.

Did you delegate the job? Yes, you did.

Did it get done? Yes, it did.

Did it get done the way you wanted it to be done? No.

However... and this is important...

It DID get done the way you asked for it to be done. No more, no less.

I'm sure that you can relate. We all can. At some point or other, in the busy-ness of accomplishing our own agendas, in the chaos of our multi-tasked lives, we rush through the communication process. We forget, as we focus on the end result, all the steps that have to take place between A and Z in order for our vision to be accomplished. And we imagine that we have a glass head: Other people can see into our thoughts and "know" what we mean.

Now, imagine the difference in outcome if you took a few extra seconds to explain that you need the laundry dry by 6:00 because you're leaving at 6:30 to meet your boss for dinner, and there's a brown wool jacket in the washer that needs to be hung on a hanger and then hung outside to dry. You might add, "and give me a shout when you've got it done."

Think your results will be different?

You bet they will!

So next time, take an extra minute or so to consider the outcome that you want. Think about what you need to communicate to your "doer" to get the job done on time and accurately, and then be sure to convey your ideas.

You'll be glad you did, and so will they!

Worrying Never Solved a Problem

It is 2:30am on August 30th and Susan cannot sleep. Weeks ago she committed to hosting thirty people for Thanksgiving dinner in their new home. The builder called yesterday to announce that the delay in cabinet delivery will reschedule the November 1st move in day.

Susan's family must turn over their current home to the new owners on October 31st. Weather reports predict an early winter with lots of snow, which may also slow the construction process.

Her boss gave Susan a weird look when she mentioned taking time off in November to move into their new home.

Sam, was sniffling yesterday "He just cannot stay home from school this week! I cannot take another day off of work!" Susan tosses and turns as thoughts of pending disaster dances in her head.

And so it goes: the free fall into the worry abyss.

If this next that, and so on, and so on, and so on.

As humans, we have a remarkable ability to push ourselves moments, days, even years into the future and consider the "what might happen".

The hitch with this futuristic viewpoint is that just being able to "think it" does mean it will happen. Thinking does not make it so.

Worrying is not supportive. We want to think worrying helps us solve challenges ahead of time, but does not,because it cannot. Anticipating every conceivable outcome will not get us any closer to a solution. Worrying never, ever helped solve a problem.

We have no control over the future, and we cannot choose the best response to an unknown. Lying awake, worrying about a range of potential problems is at best a waste of time and energy. At worst anxiety may deplete energy needed to respond properly when the time comes to respond.

Too often, in the middle of the night we start to catastrophize about the worse case scenarios. One problem begets another, and they are all for naught.

Worrying spins you into dizzying circles instead of leading you to solutions.

Here's the truth.

95% of what you worry about does not end up coming true.

The 5% that does come true you handle well.

So don't let your thoughts get hijacked by worrying.My coaching client had to speak at a board meeting. She felt insecure about speaking publicly. She decided that her best outcome would be to tell her story "calmly without crying"and that being prepared would help reassure her composure.

This client agreed to focus on three main points and journal daily about her thoughts and feelings to calm her emotions and focus herself.

Writing is a helpful tool for working through difficult times.By putting your thoughts, feelings, and emotions on paper,you will be better able work through the emotions and climb to a more powerful perspective.

When we spoke after her meeting, she was extremely satisfied with her presentation. She believed the writing helped her immensely and plans to use it in future to calm herself in anxious moments.

Once Susan began writing about her worries they seemed less intimidating. If the house were not complete in time for Thanksgiving, then Susan would relocate the meal to another family member's home. Of course, she would be disappointed, but it would not be a disaster.

If the family had to leave their old home before the new home was ready, then they would temporarily stay at a local hotel. Not perfect but doable.

One by one, the worries faded. In my family, when facing challenges, we say "It isn't chemo". By this, we qualify that most challenges do not involve life or death endings. They are just bumps in the road, inconvenient, not fun, but only bumps.

Worrying never (ever) fixed a thing.

So stop focusing on the bumps in the road. Instead, look up and enjoy the 'present' of this moment as you journey through life.

See It Again For The First Time

Maybe this isn't the right title for this post, but as you read on, you'll see (excuse the pun) what I'm getting at.

This morning, I took a ride into town with my daughter to pick up a couple of things at the local grocery store. We're fortunate: We live in a veritable oasis. Tucked into the Texas Hill Country, we live in a mostly natural water park. Our corner of the state is known for our lake (courtesy of the Army Corps of Engineers) and one of the best "toobing" rivers in Texas, courtesy of Mother Nature and the Edwards Aquifer.

Every summer, our little town explodes into frenetic, bikini-clad, biceps-bulging (beerbelly-bouncing) activity. Traffic backs up, the gas pumps are clogged with trucks hauling boats, everybody's filling their tubes up at the air pumps, the ice houses are doing brisk business, the barbecue stands are smoking away, Daisy Dukes, and Cluck-in-a-Bucket, Ninfa's Tacos and Little Mexico have lines of hungry tourists just waiting to grab some grub as they come back in from or head back out to the "horseshoe," that lazy loop of river that swings up past one bridge in town and down through the other, making it a convenient spot to put in and take out.

Some days - HOT days - and today in particular, given that is was a cloudless 92 degrees and the start of Memorial Day Weekend - there are so many tubes floating down the river that you can literally get from one side of the river to the other by stepping on people's tubes! And it doesn't end there. Oh no! There are tubes for coolers and tubes for dogs, too. Yes, we specialize out here at the lake!

So, back to the trip to the store. My daughter and I were happy to see that the river was busy. We know that the local folks in town depend on summer traffic to get them through the winter when our tourists leave. We hooked a right in town and headed out to the grocery store where, a few days before I noticed a couple of high school kids were busy sweeping sections of the parking lot and painting brand new, bright yellow stripes. I hadn't paid much attention, except that I didn't drive too close, as I didn't want yellow paint on my black car. But today, I remembered the new paint job.

I don't think I've ever seen our little store's parking lot so full. I had to hunt for a parking spot in a store at which I never have to worry about where I park; I could park across 3 spots if I wanted to on any given day. But not today.

As we got out of the car and joined the crowd of people walking into the store, I noticed a number of things. First, there was a definite "uniform" going on. It was the uniform of summer at the lake, summer at the river: sun dress, bathing suit coverup, flip flops, straw cowboy hat, long shorts for the men and maybe (mayyyybe) some sort of T-shirt. Age doesn't matter. Perfume? Whatever sun block you use.

The next thing I noticed was the conversation. Women were asking each other as they were passing through the doors if they saw extra shopping carts in the parking lot! WHAT? Our little grocery store was out of shopping carts. In twelve years I've never seen this happen. And being out of shopping carts seemed to make everyone else happier to shop there! There was a buzz of excitement, a thrum of activity, it was better than a sale at Filene's Basement back in the good old days in Boston!

And then there were the merchandise conversations: "Oh, look! They have everything in here! They even have bathing suits!" Another woman was excited about the coverups. A third was thrilled about the produce. A man at the end of the produce isle was excited about the variety of microbrews in our little store (wait 'til he got a load of the wine selection!) And on and on it went.

I was amazed.

It got me thinking, as I chose the couple of tomatoes and cucumbers that I came in for: All of these people were having a blast in my little town. They were loving our crystal clear river, having a blast in our lake, enjoying our camp grounds, listening to the wide variety of live music that graces our area, chowing down on the awesome Hill Country grub, and soaking up that "Texas Friendly" that we all love so much. They were impressed with the little store that I always took for granted, that I actually complained about on a fairly regular basis for a whole host of reasons, and they were excited and grateful to be spending a holiday weekend in the town that I am blessed to spend every day in, year in, year out.

What else, I wonder, am I taking for granted? What else do I look at every single day, that I've become so jaded to, that it's lost it's magic? I'm sure there's a whole new world out there for me to discover, all around me. It's my amazing life, starring wonderful me! And there's my amazing husband and my incredible children, and my delightful friends and family! I'm surrounded by phenomenal business associates and jaw-dropping opportunity. And truly, my life is fulfilling beyond my wildest dreams! I just needed to wake up to it, to the vision of it, to the beauty of it, again.

I needed to see it again for the first time. Today. And I'll need to see it again for the first time tomorrow, too.

How about you? Take a look around and let me know what you see.

Common Feelings From Trauma That Fuel PTSD Symptoms

When a traumatic event occurs, it shakes us to the core, often creating unanswered questions. In a futile attempt to gain answers to these questions, unique feelings arise as a means of making sense of the senseless event that occurred, leaving a mixed bag of feelings in its wake.

Simple truth, human beings want answers, crave control and aren't comfortable with the unknown. At its very root, traumas are events that are ultimately out of our control and cause us to feel powerless. This powerlessness can be overwhelming, so as a way to gain a false sense of control, it's in our very nature to create stories about the traumatic event and the pieces that don't make sense. We have a tendency to fill in the gaps of the traumatic experience that went against our moral code and way of being in the world. These usually inaccurate, fabricated answers to the gaps create intense feelings all in an attempt to answer the philosophical question of "why did this terrible event happen?" The seemingly benign question of why has the strength and tenacity to keep the symptoms of PTSD alive and well.

When we ask why to a phenomenon that we will never be able to truly have the answers for, we make up our own stories. These stories catalyze unhealthy beliefs and manufactured emotions that can override the natural feelings, making the healing process from the traumatic experience that much harder. Traumas can create two distinct emotional categories: natural and manufactured. Natural feelings are the emotions that most individuals would feel in that same situation. Whereas manufactured feelings are those that we create to help us make sense of the traumatic event even though they don't belong. Common natural feelings could be fear and sadness while common manufactured ones could be blame, shame and guilt.

Let's take a closer look. While deployed to Afghanistan, an individual, let's call him Charlie, was ordered by his Platoon Sergeant to drive the third truck whereas he usually was in the first vehicle. He questioned this decision as much as he could, creating a case that he knew the route, knew the potential dangers and hotspots. His command's decision remained. While on convoy, right before his eyes as if in slow motion, the first truck hit an IED. The explosion shook the entire convoy, however the only injuries were to those in the first truck, killing two and injuring three. One of the KIA was the driver who happened to be an expectant father, leaving theatre in three weeks to go home to see his wife and be there for the delivery, as well as Charlie's best friend.

Using this example, the natural feelings associated with this traumatic event could be sadness, fear and anger. This is where it then begins to get tricky. If asked what would the natural emotions be, most people would quickly answer saying guilt and blame as well as sadness and anger. Guilt and blame would be manufactured emotions in this case. It would be natural for Charlie to feel sorrow, grief, sadness, fear and anger over the loss of his friend. However, the guilt and blame that could easily be associated would be manufactured because Charlie did nothing wrong. The death of his friend was not his fault; there was no ill intent or malice. The only time guilt, blame or shame are natural is if the individual did something wrong and holds some responsibility. For example, if someone was at your house for a dinner party and stole your grandmother's heirloom necklace, guilt, shame or blame would be natural.

As Charlie is left reeling with the natural emotions of his loss, dependent upon how he processes them and how he handles the traumatic experience is paramount in stopping him from creating beliefs and man-made feelings. At this time, if he allows himself to ask why or any derivative of this question, he is walking a slippery slope towards making up stories and manufacturing feelings that could cause and/or increase the symptoms of PTSD.

Assuming Charlie is emotionally intelligent, gets into treatment quickly, is resilient, does not have complex trauma and has a strong support system, there is a good chance he will process the natural feelings organically while going through the cycle of grief and be able to see the experience as horrific but not take ownership of it.

Unfortunately, creating manufactured emotions happens all too easy. If Charlie is unable to work through the natural feelings and ends us asking himself, "why did this happen?" and starts replaying the experience over and over again in his head to make sense of it, there is a high likelihood that manufactured emotions will evolve.

How this might look in real life is that Charlie then spends each night the rest of his deployment sitting in his CHU thinking of his friend and what went wrong. The deep sorrow and grief then turn to guilt and shame as he begins to tell himself, "It should have been me." "It would have been better if it were me, I don't have kids." "I robbed his family." "I am failure." "I should have fought my NCO harder on driving the first truck." "If I was in the first truck I would have spotted the IED." And the list of toxic beliefs goes on, all as a way of trying to make sense of the traumatic event. Logically, not being in Charlie's situation, we can all see that none of his thoughts are accurate.

Manufactured emotions can also take the form of anger and fear. Charlie's fear and anger in the beginning made sense and were natural, but over time they evolved into manufactured feelings. How these evolve using the same example is that Charlie can then begin to feel powerless and fearful due to the constant threats while downrange and to make sense of this, he then projects hatred, anger and fear onto the world and specific populations at large. These may sound something like: "Muslims cannot be trusted." "The world is unsafe." "If I don't have my gun on me, I am in danger." "If I am hypervigilant, then I will be prepared and can stay safe." These even go on and remain while the solider is stateside, which is large in part as to what keeps the manufactured feelings alive.

Entertaining manufactured emotions is dangerous because they end up developing unhealthy beliefs about our self, the world and others. These maladaptive beliefs are called stuck points and they keep us stuck in our unhealthy thinking and being in the world, often magnifying the PTSD symptoms by acting like kerosene to a fire. Stuck points can be all consuming.

Stuck points are created by the manufactured emotions that arose from the traumatic experience and the stories created to make sense of it. Often when a trauma happens it goes against our way of being in the world. Most of us have been raised to believe that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people, bad things don't really happen at all or they wouldn't happen to me. So if a trauma occurs, it can challenge our moral and philosophical compass, often causing us to either change our beliefs about our self, the world or both. "If something bad happened, it must be because I am bad and something is wrong with me," or "The world is now bad and can't be trusted like I thought it could."

In other words, based on the manufactured feelings these little pesky beliefs called stuck points are nurtured. Everything that Charlie was telling himself were stuck points. From his story, there are 10 stuck points that can be identified above. The good news is that there is evidence-based treatment that can help to unravel the stuck points, extinguish the manufactured emotions and process the natural feelings. It is called Cognitive Processing Therapy, a treatment specific towards PTSD that directly challenges the stuck points and manufactured emotions. If interested, look for a clinician certified in this treatment modality, it can truly help.

Even though this was only one example to illustrate how manufactured emotions are catalyzed, the same concept applies to any traumatic event. There are many common feelings associated with trauma and it's important to be able to identify the natural from the manufactured. Doing this can change the course of PTSD and its symptoms.

The 3 Commandments of a Success Consciousness

On the whole, service oriented business owners need to develop and maintain a success consciousness for themselves to keep their business in the black, and to grow it. If you are a service oriented business, it is also important to have a success consciousness for your customers and clients. Whether you realize it or not, your degree of consciousness is on display to your customers by how you interact with them, and by the experiences they have with you. The condition of your business, the quality of your service and the feeling people have when interacting with you, or your business is a direct reflection of your level of consciousness.

Why is this important to be aware of your level of consciousness? It is important because the greater your level of consciousness, the better you are at being able to serve your clients. Your clients often come to your businesses not only for services, but also for more inspiration and guidance on how to have success for themselves. If your business is disorganized, you have trouble making your rent, or your personal life is in chaos, then how can you be the shining beacon of light for your clients? Even if prospects may not be consciously aware of this, on some level, they DO know. Why should they spend thousands and thousands of dollars on business success consulting with someone who is struggling just as much as they are?

The good news is that it isn't as difficult, or doesn't take as long to turn things around as you might think. If you are aware of the 3 commandments of success consciousness, you can apply them not only to your business, but to your personal life as well. Using these concepts consistently and in a grounded way, will allow swift changes in not only your life, but the life of your clients as well. They will see just how powerfully you are living your life and handling your business, and will have more trust in what you are selling, and will therefore purchase more from you.

The 3 commandments are:

Be unconditional in your thoughts, viewpoints and actions

You are a powerful being, and every belief, thought and action you take is of some purpose. It either is taking you where you want to go or not. There is no right or wrong with your decisions and actions, only 'moving closer', or 'moving away'. When you look at yourself from this point of view, you will be more willing to look at your beliefs, thoughts and actions that don't support what you want in your life because you are not judging yourself as good or bad, or right or wrong. This one commandment alone will speed up your success consciousness because you no longer have to play the games of keeping yourself in the illusion that what you are doing is truly pushing away what it is you want. Releasing all judgments allows you to hold the mirror to yourself and not see right or wrong, good or bad, only you and how much you are supporting your goals through your thoughts, words and actions.

Take 100% responsibility for your experience

When you realize that you are 100% responsible for your experiences, you begin to move yourself from the one that is buffeted by life and blown here and there by the winds of the economy, other people's conditional thoughts and actions, the political climate, or anything else external. The good news is that when you command responsibility for your experiences, you give yourself the power to change them. You can only change what you do accept responsibility for. Take 100% of the responsibility, and you can change 100% of your life.

Be conscious of your thoughts from moment to moment.

The basis of how you experience your reality stems directly from your thoughts and beliefs (which is just a thought you automatically think). What you are experiencing in the moment is a result of a series of thoughts from previous moments. If you want to change your experiences in life for the better, you must first change your thoughts from conditional to unconditional. Observe your thoughts in each and every moment and observe your emotional responses to what you experience. Are your thoughts mostly negative? Do you consistently imagine and feel failure or struggle when you think about your goals, or what you say you want? Do you feel dread or fear when you think about having what you say you want or do you feel joy and excitement? It is important to observe yourself with a detached attitude. It's not about making your thoughts right or wrong, but about seeing where you are in the moment and then allowing yourself to be in the joy of knowing where you are so you know the direction you need to move in to have what you say you want. As the saying by Earl Nightengale goes: "You get what you think about most of the time."

When you realize that you are 100% responsible for your experiences, you begin to understand that you can change your experiences through approaching and doing things differently. The more your intention is on doing it differently through love, the more you will notice how you are currently making choices, and what are your dominant thoughts from moment to moment. When you have a habit in place of unconditionally observing your thoughts and emotions, you see where you are making choices and having emotions that may not support what you say that you want.

How To Stand Up For Yourself

1 Timothy 4:12 "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young." When I take a look at this scripture, I hear God telling Timothy to not let people treat him any different just because he is younger than they are. I also hear God encouraging Timothy to stand up for himself when he has to. You may be allowing people to walk all over you, say whatever they feel to you, and you just sit there and take it. You probably bite your tongue often because you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings but there is nobody caring about your feelings and how they just hurt them.

I used to allow people to say whatever they liked to me. I would just take it and hold it inside and get all angry and mad at the person. I couldn't figure out why I wouldn't say anything back to them. All of this stopped when a friend pointed out to me the reason why I allowed people to say whatever they liked to me and why I wouldn't speak up for myself. He told me that the reason I didn't feel the need to stand up for myself was because I didn't love myself.

This could be the same problem that you have in your life. You don't love yourself enough to stand up for yourself. You stand up for others, such as your mother, friends and your child, because you love them. But when it comes down to you, you don't care what people say to you, you just take it and hold it in because, after all, you don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. You don't want to start any drama.

Here are some tips to help you stand up for yourself:

1. Identify the problem at hand. What I mean by that is, when you start feeling yourself backing down from a person, I want you to ask yourself a question. What exactly about this person am I afraid of? Identifying why you are afraid of this person will help you to better stand up for yourself. You just might find out that you really having nothing to be afraid of with this person.

2. Stop caring about peoples' feelings. Now let me explain exactly what I mean by stop caring about peoples' feelings. If a person is clearly being mean, nasty or disrespectful toward you and not caring about how they are making you feel or have hurt your feelings then stop caring about theirs. Say what's really on your mind to them. Some people, if they think they can control you, will try to. If you give them the vibe that you're timid and won't stand up for yourself, they will run all over you. That is why you have to show people that you have a mind of your own and you don't mind speaking it.

3. Use wisdom. Some people are just negative and full of drama and like to see you drawn up inside it. If they think they can push your buttons then that's exactly what they will try to do. Use your God-given wisdom when dealing with people. If you are sensing those things from a person, just walk away because you don't know what's really behind that. It could be the Devil using that person to destroy your day or bring you down, so don't even entertain them.

If you are still having problems with standing up for yourself then download your free chapters of my new upcoming book "The Confident Sista Handbook" to help you learn how to stand up for yourself.

Seven Tips for Feeling Confident in Front of the Camera

Having your portrait taken can be very intimidating especially if you don't feel comfortable in front of the camera. That's one of the many reasons it's so important to hire a professional photographer and a professional you feel comfortable with. But for those situations where you don't get to know your photographer ahead of time, there are some things you can do to help you feel more confident when having your portrait taken.

Dress to Impress

What you wear and how you dress can have a big impact on not only how you look but how you feel about yourself. The cut and color of the clothing you wear can say a lot about yourself and it can highlight your best assets. Clothes that fit properly are going to be the most slimming and attractive on you. Be sure to select colors that complement your skin tones and hair color. Avoid patterns as they can be too busy and overwhelming. Whatever you choose to wear, be sure that you feel comfortable in it. If you aren't comfortable in your clothes it will definitely show in your portraits!

A Little Make-up Goes a Long Way

Not everyone has a perfect complexion, but being sure to conceal blemishes and highlighting your favorite facial features can absolutely help to let your beauty shine through. Be sure to your foundation and concealer is blended in very well. It's also a great idea to use a powder foundation on any of your shiny areas. The last thing you want is to look shiny in your photos. And don't forget to put on a little mascara and eyeliner as well as some lip gloss. Little, subtle touches can make a huge difference in the end result.

Hair Grooming

If you're planning on getting your hair cut - it's best to have it trimmed at least a week in advance. Hair can do funky things when freshly cut. If you're like me and horrible at doing your hair, it definitely doesn't hurt to have a professional style it before having your photos taken. Often a little pampering like that can go a long way to making you feel beautiful in front of the camera lens.

Posture

Often in everyday life, we don't stand up or sit perfectly. Most people don't have perfect posture, but being sure not to slump or slouch can have a huge impact in your portraits. It also helps you look longer and leaner, even when sitting. Good posture is often an indicator of confidence. So kick those shoulders back, straighten your spine and flash a confident grin at the camera.

Avoid a Double Chin

Being slightly below the camera and tilting your chin up towards it is a surefire way to avoid having a double chin. In situations where you aren't below the camera, good posture will definitely help especially if you imagine a string running up through the top of your head and gently pulling you up. Also pushing your head slightly forward can help eliminate the infamous double chin too.

Relax

The right photographer should be able to help you feel at ease. If however, you are not working with this sort of photographer, reminding yourself to relax and have fun can help immensely in translating to beautiful natural images. If you typically take bad portraits and get nervous in advance be sure to do the following just before your portrait is taken. Take a deep breath and exhale naturally, relaxing your arms and shoulders. As you exhale, smile and remember to stand straight and pull your shoulders back.

Think Happy Thoughts

Now of course, you can tell the difference between a genuine and forced smile and the best photos capture a person's true smile. This can be hard to do when you aren't comfortable with the photographer or when you're caught off guard, or placed in some strange position. Conversing with the photographer or the person you're being photographed with can help loosen you up. You can always try thinking about something funny or a loved one too. The more genuinely happy and comfortable you are the better your portraits will be.

As you can see the right professional photographer can have a huge impact on helping you capture the best version of you, but there are a lot of little things you can do to look your best. From the clothes you wear to the thoughts in your head, the way you present yourself and the way you feel can have a huge impact on the way your photographs turn out. And above all - relax and have fun!

Tap Into The Consciousness To Learn Elegant Courage

Evolution And Personal Growth In Leadership

Leadership calls you to do the right thing, that's why not everybody is fit for the job. Evolution and personal growth catapults a leader to be several notches up above the mediocre. A remarkable leader knows a different brand of courage, elegant leadership courage. Elegant leadership courage is the soulful embrace of your core values... the confidence and choice to act on those values in both good and bad times. It is responding honestly to the given situation.

Values in a dogmatic sense is easy. People can easily profess that they are good and virtuous. But what about values that spring from your being? Goodness that comes from your heart? Humanity as it really is? Wisdom? Where does it come from?

Often, the terms consciousness and ego are associated. How do the ego and the consciousness relate to evolution, personal growth and authenticity?

People typically have the notion that the "ego" is the "sense of self". Sensory inputs from your body, your physical needs and your surroundings are imprinted and recorded in the ego. However, this "sense of self" is not all of what you are. The ego is just a small fraction of "you" as a being.

The Consciousness And The Ego

What is the consciousness? The consciousness is the larger, more permanent part of you. It survives death and that which is eternal. The ego is therefore a tool that the consciousness uses to be able to survive in the physical, finite reality where you, as a person also exists physically and are finite. The ego protects and sustains the immortal consciousness in the physical world. It reminds the consciousness that it has to live by the criteria of a physical and finite framework.

The ego, as the "self" in the physical framework has needs and wants. It tends to be attached to the reality of corporeal existence. If it has needs or wants that cannot be met, it can shout and subdue the consciousness, in which the consciousness could yield. The ego- the lower self- then dominates, and the consciousness, which is the higher self, the middle self and the whole self is forgotten.

Align With The Authentic Self

Consciousness is the all- knowing, wise director that knows your greater purpose. It is the Boss to which the ego should be trained to listen. The ego should therefore be refined and educated because it is the channel through which the consciousness transmits its higher wisdom. It may take years or experience or years of experience to align the ego with the consciousness.

Elegant leadership courage is the soulful embrace of your core values. You'll feel what you stand for and embrace the wisdom of your authentic self when you harness the ego and listen to your higher self.

What Is Love Or Above And How Does It Work?

Every once in a while a product is released which gains instant popularity. The latest it would seem is the Love or Above toolkit by Christie Marie Sheldon.

That's why in the following article we'll discuss what Love or Above is, how it works and why it may be of benefit to you.

What Is Love or Above?

Love or Above is a spiritual toolkit for helping people to raise their energetic frequency (vibration).

If you already understand the concept behind raising your vibration then you already know what the Love or Above spiritual toolkit was designed to do!

In case you aren't aware "raising your vibration" is a term used commonly in the Law of Attraction circles and basically means to raise your state of consciousness.

The toolkit is essentially an online coaching course where members are taught how to raise their level of vibration by Christie Marie Sheldon.

Who's Christie Marie Sheldon?

Christie Marie is an intuitive life coach and development mentor with over 15 years experience in her profession.

To date Christie has already managed to help thousands of people from all corners of the globe raise their energetic vibration, achieve more in their lives and generally live a more fulfilling life.

How Does It Work?

To the best of my knowledge the main engine behind Christie's development of Love or Above was the initial research of Dr. David Hawkins.

It was due to the extensive research of Dr. David Hawkins that the map of human consciousness was developed. This was a simple chart which could be used to identify a persons energetic vibration.

As a result of his findings David predicted that as a whole (an average) a person is only reaching one fifth (1/5) of their true potential!

Christie Marie used the research of Dr. David Hawkins as well as her own extensive research and knowledge to develop the Love or Above toolkit.

The "Love" is simply a milestone on the map of human consciousness. Christie aims to get each client to the Love milestone or above.

Conclusion

I have always strongly believed that raising your vibration can have a positive impact in your life.

It's important to note though that the Love or Above toolkit isn't a miraculous life changing gift in a box! I like to look at it as a tool which can help you in developing as a person.

There are certain habits and negative influences you'll need to overcome. It all takes time but any change that has a positive outcome is a change worth working towards.

Is Fear A Blessing?

God has blessed us all with five senses i.e. sight, hearing, taste, smell and touch. But there is another sense, which we normally call the sixth sense. And that is the prediction or guess of something that we cannot feel with the physical senses. It is a gift from God as we would have been paralyzed if we did not have this sense. Sometimes we attribute the sixth sense with some special people. But to me, God has gifted everybody with this sense. The only difference is how different people use this gift.

And it would have been much dangerous to survive without this ability. It is all living bodies' instinct (except plants) to get alert against a potential danger. It is a response to a possible future event that we are less appreciative about. Fear protects us from the heavy losses.

All our senses are gifts from God and so, for our benefit. But many of us fail to understand ourselves and all these gifts. This gives a way to un-fulfillment and anxiety. If we had a negative experience in the past, we relate the same hypothesis for the future results of the same actions.

The human fear is somewhat different from that of the other living animals. Such feelings in other animals are called alert and they always try to either fight or escape from the possible threat. Human beings relate their past wrong doings with the future results rather trying to fix them.

But we can conquer our fear by taming it for the good purpose. Minor troubles in our lives; prepare us for the upcoming hard targets to hit as an untried and untested one would not be able to compete in the bigger challenges that lie ahead in life to face.

We can translate our fear into our alert, alert into challenge, challenge into opportunity and opportunity into our benefit; only if we choose a positive attitude towards our daily lives. But, whole the formula would reverse back if we had a negative approach i.e. out benefits would convert back to our fears.

If we tame our fear into pain, we can use it for our success in life. Some people are pain driven, some pleasure driven. They both are better than the people than any other drive. It means pain or fear. Once Mahatma Gandhi said, "If we keep bearing and collecting pain, one day we could use it for a greater success"

How to Turn Cravings Into Willpower

In the book Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength, Roy F. Baumeister says that one of the greatest drains of willpower is exercising self-control.

What he doesn't tell you is that "exercising self-control" is a waste of willpower.

Exercising self control is battling to fulfill your conscious desires ("maintain a diet") despite what your other desires ("have that peanut butter cup") want to do.

But instead of fighting against yourself, you can effortlessly turn delinquent desires into assets to your willpower.

Here's how:

Just sit your ass down and feel it until it goes away.

Find an instance where you have to exercise self-control or resist a temptation. Instead of fighting it with your willpower struggling against it, give the desire attention without fighting against it, nor succumbing to it. In other words, simply feel the physical sensations that you call "desire" without believing the thoughts that arise or taking the actions that follow from those thoughts.

This may be difficult at first, so here are some tips to help you if you're struggling:

1) Don't confuse what the desire is for with the feeling of desire itself. The question is NOT "What does it feel like to have what I'm craving" -- it's "What does it feel like to crave," whether it's nicotine, sex, or fruit loops.

2) If you're having trouble with Tip #1, practice this technique on sexual desire. How does it feel to be aroused? What are the literal physical sensations of it? Try to describe it (Tip #3). By coming to understand the nature of desire itself, divorced from any object, in an environment that is comfortable, familiar, and low-pressure, you are preparing yourself to conquer it "under fire," when it counts the most.

3) Describe the feeling of desire to yourself as if it were a physical entity. Close your eyes and "see" the emotional disturbance inside your body. Where is it? Your stomach? Your legs? Your throat? What color is it? What shape is it? What size is it? How does it move inside you? Is it a warm, red tingling that slides up your bones? Is it a cool, grey mist that fills your guts? These are the types of descriptions you're going for.

Here's why it works:

As physical pain results when the organization of the body is disturbed, emotional pain results when the organization of the psyche is disturbed. Therefore, cravings and unwelcome desires are essentially emotions -- disorganized "clumps" of consciousness.

And like physical pain, emotional pain demands attention. This is why repression is so unhealthy -- eventually, the pain must be acknowledged.

The attention you give to the feeling of desire, or to any emotion, allows it to find a harmonious relationship to the rest of your psyche, so that you claim its power and it stops interfering with your peace.

Each time you "integrate" a desire by giving it the proper attention, you not only regain the willpower that you would otherwise have spent fighting against it; you gain the power of the desire itself, and can now channel it toward whatever goal you choose.

With this technique, the feeling of peace is noticeable instantly, and there is no limit to its use.

This practice can be compared to Steps 1-3 in the Twelve Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous and other recovery groups, which have helped millions of hopeless addicts reclaim their willpower and thrive. It is also derived from the ideas on "letting go" presented in books like The Sedona Method by Hale Dwoskin and Healing and Recovery by Dr. David R. Hawkins.

How Motivation Really Works

What IS motivation?
Motivation is a mysterious brain-based state that stimulates and directs our goal-oriented behavior. At its core, motivation is based on emotions - our desire to have positive emotional experiences, and to avoid negative emotional experiences.

But the question of what serves to actually motivates us is where huge individual differences come into the picture. Truthfully, we each have our own unique ideas about what is positive, and what is negative.

Physiological Needs and Motivation.
The easiest type of motivation to understand is the desire to satisfy our basic physiological needs like hunger, thirst, and avoiding pain. But even these fundamental motivations are conditioned. For example: Anorexia nervosa is a cultural disease related to the view that an extremely lean body is more attractive than a full-figured body.

Peak Performance Motivators.
Top performers have unique control over their motivation, and have developed the ability to motivate and inspire themselves at will. For example, top performing athletes people are successful because they control their mental states. Because of their level of mental control, they can motivate themselves to practice their skills day after day, and to commit unconditionally to their coach.

Developing More Motivation.
The good news is that elite-level motivation is a learnable skill. But contrary to popular assumptions, this is far more that the result of positive thinking. The higher levels of motivation are directly tied to your brain states and mental contents.

In terms of brain states, this refers to the actual combination of your brainwaves. In terms of mental contents, the reference is to your combined beliefs, memories and personal expectations - all of which are glued together to form what psychologists call your self-concept, or self-image.

Unfortunately most of our parents and teachers were not trained as motivational coaches, and have no concept of the damage that can be done with criticism and lack of support. Hence many of us grow up believing we have shortcomings and limited capabilities.

If you are experiencing motivational shortcomings, nine times out of ten this is directly related to your early childhood mental programming. This mental programming then creates brainwave configurations in your brain that can depress your motivation. The only real answer is to reprogram yourself from the brain-out.

If you truly have a personal desire to get past what holds you back and leap forward, I invite you to come check out this our programs we offer on our website.

The Pros And Cons Of Servant Leadership

In 1970, Robert K. Greenleaf came up with the expression, "Servant Leadership." His work and treatise ended up dramatically altering the traditional way that management had thought for many years. While I personally have reservations about calling any form of leadership servant, there is no doubt that all the greatest leaders dedicate themselves to serving others and their organizations. Here is a simplified list of the ten qualities needed for effective and servicing leadership. How many of these do you either possess or aspire to possessing? 1. Listening; 2. Empathy; 3. Healing (or bring opponents together/ uniting); 4. Awareness of evolutionary needs; 5. Powers of persuasion; 6. The ability to conceptualize; 7. Having foresight; 8. Taking personally responsibility to steward an idea to fruition; 9. Commitment to the growth of others; 10. Building a sense of community. While many might articulate their belief in these qualities and traits, in my over three decades of professional leadership training, I have observed few that truly commit consistently to these qualities.

1. Listening is far different than hearing. Do you listen, or do you simply take turns speaking? Do you speak to people or at them? Are you careful to be respectful, not interrupt and consistently ask compelling, essential questions that bring further clarity and understanding?

2. Empathy is different than sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone, while empathy encompasses putting yourself in the other person's position, and seeing things from their;point of view (instead of simply from yours). Do you truly care for your constituents, and their concerns?

3. Are you a blamer and a hater, or are you conciliatory and aim for mutual understanding and agreement? Do you prioritize the common good, and even when you disagree, do you critique in a positive manner, or do you merely criticize? Will you bring opponents together and develop unity and strength?

4. Times change and the needs of organizations and their constituents change. Can you accept change and embrace it? Do you realize that organizations must gradually evolve if they are to remain relevant and sustainable?

5. How effectively can you communicate your point of view? Are you able to respond to questions and concerns effectively, and do you welcome objections as an opportunity to creatively and effectively persuade others in a positive and proactive manner? Do you treat the five steps to overcoming objection as your ally or your enemy?

6. Do you understand the big picture? Can you conceptualize and communicate the big ideas that motivate others to action?

7. Can you visualize the future, and what is needed? Do you have dreams that have created your essential vital vision, and does that vision amplify the mission of your organization? Are you constantly taking steps that make your group sustainable?

8. Are you creative an idea - oriented? What do you do with your ideas? Do you just lay them out there and hope someone else picks up the ball and runs with it, or do you carry the flame and steward the program towards fruition and success?

9. Are you willing, able and committed to assure that others succeed and realize their dreams? Will you identify, train and motivate future leaders? Will you commit to creating value as your highest priority?

10. Will you motivate others to feel strongly about the group, so they commit to it as well? How important is developing a sense of community, and working towards the common good?

There is, of course, a balance. When we use the word servant, it often creates an image of something unfair, where people are taking advantage of, or trampling on the leader. On the other hand, when we think of servant leadership as a dedication to service and value, we realize the essential nature of it to becoming a true and meaningful leader.

Your Great Attitude Will Multiply Your Altitude

I am sure that you have heard the phrase, "It is not your aptitude, but rather your attitude, which will determine your altitude" When you commit to project a great attitude to the world, everyone around you will respond far more positively to you and they will want to be supported by you and your value proposition. Having a positive attitude is a prerequisite for inviting meaning, success and fulfilment into your experience. Dare to allow your unique potential to shine and show the world to see who you really are and what you offer, by projecting the right attitude to everyone you touch.

Your Attitude helps you Stand out
Most of your competitors out there, sell products and services, which can satisfy your prospects and customers' needs and desires. Great sales professionals on the other hand, know that people will be willing to pay more and become far more loyal, towards them and their value proposition, when their great products and services are backed up by an agreeable, positive and enjoyable experience too. Let's be honest, who does not want to have their needs and desires taken care of and to be made to feel good at the same time?

Attitude is not everything - It is the Only thing
The people will always respond positively towards you and are moved by confident, positive people, who project a great attitude to the world. There will always be a market for great products and services, which help people and satisfy their needs. So you can continue to just sell products and services like everyone else out there and get lost in the mass of offerings available, or you can make a decision right now to stand out from the crowd, by offering your prospects and customers the opportunity to not only enjoy great products or services, but to get the benefit of your great attitude thrown into the mix too.

Your Attitude is far more Important than the product or service
It is really easy for your customers or prospects to say no to just another product or service, which is similar to all the others on offer, but it, is impossible for them to say no to a really positive experience with another caring human being, who clearly has their best interests at heart. As you know when something makes you feel good, you naturally want to have more of the thing which made you feel good in the first place.

This why people spend money on things, which they know are bad for them, but make them feel good. Things like Tobacco products, alcohol and even drugs. People will spend money on things that make them feel good, before they will spend money on necessities. This can be seen and explained by the crazy debt crisis facing most first world countries today. People continue to borrow money to satisfy their need for instant gratification and pleasure in the moment.

People want to feel good
I am sure we are all guilty of spending money on things we did not need, simply because they made us feel good. I was recently walking in an upmarket mall in Melrose arch, after delivering a talk to a large corporate, at one of the venues there. I saw this really amazing looking jacket, in the window of one of the boutiques and was intrigued by it and so I thought I would take a look at it, to see if it was worth buying. I walked in and asked the sales lady if I could see the jacket. She was really attentive and caring and showed a real interest in me. The whole experience was fantastic. She walked over and suggested that I try the on for size and fit. She showed genuine caring and reflected a really positive and supportive attitude as she helped me put the jacket on. Now I know I was being sold here, but she immediately complimented me on how the jacket fitted and commented that she thought it made me look really professional and elegant.

Admiring my reflection in the mirror and really liking how the jacket fitted, I asked her for the price. She told me a price, which was way above anything I had ever spent on a jacket before and so I protested telling her that the price was insane and added that I did not even need another jacket at that point. She was amazing, had a fantastic attitude and incredible smile as she reminded me that "No one buys an amazing jacket like this one, because they need it, they buy it because it is really beautiful and makes them feel good" I immediately asked her if they took credit cards and left with a really awesome jacket. I most certainly did not need, but rather one, which made me feel good.

Be the Breath of Fresh Air People need to see everyday
I try to avoid all the newspapers and news reports out there, describing the chaos and challenges in the world, but despite my efforts, even I am exposed to the Medias relentless efforts to disseminate bad news to us. It is for this reason that it is always so refreshing to meet someone who projects a positive, solution orientated attitude towards you. When you can authentically project a smile to the world and you are always willing to project a can do attitude to everyone around you. Everyone around you, including your customers and prospects will positively respond to you and want to support and work with you.

Do People Know how much you Care?
We all have a need to be taken care of by positive, helpful, smiling, energised, passionate, inspired and caring people, who have our best interest at heart. I know when I buy something, it is always about the whole experience and seldom only about the product or service itself. Yes we all have needs for products and services, but we also have a far greater need to be made to feel good too. So if you really want to stand out a sales professional, it is crucial that you project a positive attitude and find innovative ways to make your customers and prospects feel good about you and your entire value proposition.

People pay more if you make them feel good
When you are positive, authentically caring and energised, people will find you and your products and services very attractive and be willing to pay a fair price for them. Remember that people will never pay a higher price for your products or services than you believe to be fair yourself.

My wife and I often go to a local shopping centre to enjoy a dinner and a movie together. There is a really wonderful car guard at the centre, who has the broadest smile, I have ever seen. He shows genuine interest in us when we arrive. He rushes to open the door for my wife and greets us enthusiastically every time we arrive in his section of the parking area. Although his section in the parking lot is a little further from the entrance than any of the others, his section is always full of cars. People love his attitude, smile and authentic commitment to service.

Alfred's section in the parking lot is often full and so we are sometimes forced to park elsewhere. The other guards are surly and you can see that they hate what they do. They simply go through the motions, only walking up to you, expecting their tip from you. I always give Alfred a handsome tip for the way he makes us feel and on occasion, do not even tip the other guards, because they make the whole parking experience with them so unpleasant.

How do your customers feel after dealing with you? Do they feel good and are they energised after their time with you? I assure you that your sales will go through the roof when you consistently project a positive attitude to the world, you genuinely show caring for your prospects and clients and you consistently find innovative ways to ensure that they always feel good after spending time with you.

What Are You Waiting For? Make Changes in Your Life Today

If only you were less stressed, had more free time, felt better in general or with respect to a certain life area-what changes would now you make in your life? In my practice as a psychologist, I frequently hear people talking about waiting until they feel better, for example, to do something they've been wanting to; such as beginning the process of a career change or dealing with a glaring relationship issue. What do you tell yourself you'd do or change if only some ongoing state in your life were different? Perhaps you'd start dating or redo your resume, but believe that now isn't the right time because you're feeling down. Maybe in your case, you'd try a new hobby or take on a home project, but instead you postpone it because you've been feeling too anxious or overwhelmed. If any of these things resonate, ask yourself this simple question: "If not now, when?"

This is a fact: What you have the least direct control of are your feelings and emotions. What you do have control over are your behaviors, or the things you choose to do. In other words, if you wait for an emotion to change before taking some important action in your life, you could be waiting a very long time!

So the best question to ask you is why won't I do it now? What beliefs do you have that are holding you back and keeping you from making a change or doing something you've been wanting to do? Maybe you're thinking "I can't do it," "I'll wait until it's easy," or "I must be certain I won't fail." Perhaps you're believing "I must do it perfectly," or "I need others to approve of my new life choices." Such beliefs, however, are not helpful. All they will do is keep you stuck in that rut. If you don't try taking piano lessons, you'll never know how much playing the piano could have added to your quality of life. If you wait until someone else pushes to you to go on a date, you may miss a potential long-term opportunity with a great person, or even just a fun night out.

The time to break out of the rut is now! So begin by choosing that one thing you've been waiting to accomplish and make an irrevocable commitment to start doing it now. As a bonus, once you do what you've set out to, it's very likely that the positive emotions-which are now eluding you- will follow. Nothing can beat the rewards that come when you take control of your life and make the decision to move forward. Today is the day to stop holding yourself and just go for it!

Life Coaching - Are You Scared Silly?

In this article, I'm going to introduce you to the concept that maybe you are scared silly of coaching, tell you my definition of what coaching is and when it can be used, why you may be scared silly, and what do do about it.

What a strange thought -you're probably thinking that you are not afraid of anything. Or are you? Maybe you are, but you're so busy with life that you don't take time to think about you. Notice I said you don't "take" the time instead of you don't "have" the time. We all have 24 hours a day - that's the only thing we're equal in. It's just your decision how you choose to spend those 24 hours.

Many people have their own definitions of coaching. In my opinion and for these purposes, coaching is when someone needs just a little more help in their life or their business to live or work more effectively. It is either a way to talk to someone and have them give you professional advice or use someone as a sound board to bounce ideas off and have them ask questions until you figure out your own answer.

Coaching can be used personally, if you need help with: weight loss, disturbing thoughts, relationships, grief, or other personal problems. Coaching can be used professionally if you need help with: employees that aren't effective, not being an effective boss, communication, teambuilding/building morale at work, being more financially profitable and other work issues.

You may be scared silly about either type of coaching because looking inside ourselves is not socially acceptable. People don't generally look inside themselves often to find problems. If you do notice problems in your life, you usually don't work on them. It takes a lot of work sometimes to improve yourself and your life.

You also may be scared silly because you don't know what to expect. Fear of the unknown keeps death at the top of the fears list. Maybe you don't know how to solve your own problem and you also don't know how someone else could possibly know how to solve your problems better than you do.

The price, or anticipated cost, can be a limiting factor for seeking coaching. Coaches sometimes charge upwards of one million dollars for an hour of their time. Yet, many coaches offer their initial consultation for free, so that may not work as an excuse.

Whatever the reason for not seeking coaching, here's what you can do about it. Why not try it to see how your life or business can benefit. Coaching is a growing industry and expected to grow even more as the years go by. More and more companies are finding coaching essential for their businesses. Also, many individuals are learning what they want and how they can get it through coaching.

Coaching may scare you silly because of society's unwillingness to look inside, not knowing what to expect, or the cost. Whatever the excuse, many coaches offer free initial coaching sessions. There is someone who can help you or your business.

Feel free to reach out for a little help. You'll be glad you did.

Being Versus Doing

At the start of a New Year many of us are thinking about New Year's resolutions or, what we want to "do" in the coming year. Being a goal-oriented person, I set annual goals every year, which I'm pretty good about accomplishing. Since it's the start of the year, I've been thinking about what I want to achieve in 2013 and, as I always do, I sat down and started my list of things to accomplish this year. As I was doing that, I realized I wanted this year to be more about who I will be than what I will "do".

Because it's a New Year, many of us make those resolutions or commitments about what we'll do or stop doing: go to the gym, stop hitting the snooze button, go to sleep earlier, go see the doctor, lose 10 lbs., update my resume and start looking for a new job... And I think, instead, we should focus on who we want to be.

What type of person do you want to be in 2013? Is it the healthy, well rested, in-shape, energized, and kindhearted person? Or maybe it's the person who spends more time focused on taking care of him or herself so they have more to give others. Once you decide who you want to be, create your list of what you want to do based on that. Then your list of tasks to complete has meaning behind it. If you want to be a healthy, well-rested and in-shape person, then going to the gym, seeing the doctor and going to sleep earlier are actions that have meaning behind them. They are not merely things you "should do" but are things you want to do because of the person you want to become. Think about this in terms of your leadership role and your career as well. What type of leader, employee, colleague, or business owner do you want to be? What will you do to become that person?

For me, one thing I decided I wanted to be this year is more present and giving of my time. Because of that, my goals of slowing down (not rushing through things and from place-to-place) and of volunteering at the local animal shelter have a lot of meaning behind them: they are related to who I want to be. By taking time to focus first on who you want to be and then creating what you will do based on who you will be, your actions not only have deeper meaning but inevitably will be easier to accomplish.

This month's development tip: If you haven't made up your list of 2013 goals, start with creating your "who will I be?" list. Once you decide who you want to be, then create your "what will I do?" list based off of your "who will I be?" list. If you've already set your 2013 goals, go back and review them to ensure that they are related to who you want to be - give them the true meaning they deserve.

How to Excel at Public Speaking

•Know your audience. This is the single best piece of advice for delivering a presentation. What are your audience's interests? What are their backgrounds? What are they coming to hear you speak about? What ideas do you have to share with them? Approaching your speech as more of a "me-to-you" discussion rather than a full-blown broadcast makes it less stressful.

•What do you want your audience to do as a result of your speech? What's really at the heart of your presentation? By concentrating on the "end result" rather than slogging through the beginning, you create a powerful punch that drives home your message instead of rambling on.

•Share a story. In public speaking circles, this is called a "hook" - something that gets your audience's attention and makes them sit up and listen. Start off by asking questions or sharing an experience you had. People like to be active, rather than passive listeners. By giving your audience something that they can identify with, you'll find that these people are just like you; which makes giving a presentation a whole lot easier. Be sure your story has a beginning, a point, and an ending. There's nothing quite as bad as telling a story to an engaged audience and then forgetting why you told it!

•If you're selling a product, focus on the benefits instead of the features. People would much rather hear WHAT a product can do for them than HOW it does it. Narrow down your product's features until you get to the core of how it solves a problem. If you need help with figuring out the difference between a feature and a benefit, ask yourself: "So what?" For example, if you're selling a vacuum cleaner that has a hypoallergenic filter, put yourself in the customer's shoes and ask yourself: "so what?" The answer would be something like, "It picks up dust, mold, and deep down dirt." Again, ask yourself: "So what?" The answer to that question should be: "You'll feel relief from a runny nose, sneezing and itchy, watery eyes." Now that's a benefit!

•PowerPoint presentations are great but they can be overwhelming or downright boring. Instead, give your audience something to do by providing them with fill-in-the-blank flip charts or a team exercise; these activities will help reinforce and emphasize your message in ways that a computer presentation simply cannot.

•Make sure your speech ends in a way that reiterates the beginning. Speakers can get carried away with the details and leave their audiences asking: "What was the point of all that?" People naturally digest information in chunks; so focus on the big picture rather than on all the pieces. If the details are just as important, save it for an after-speech handout that the audience can take with them and read over at their leisure.

If you keep these public speaking techniques in mind, you'll not only have an easier time overcoming your fear of public speaking, but you'll have a very appreciative audience who will in turn be more receptive and eager to try your products or services. Go get them!

Don't Lose Your Sleep - Discover 7 Effective Tips To Get a Good Night's Sleep

Everyone needs a good night's sleep for overall well-being and health. Adequate rest is very important as it gives us time to recover from every day stress. It helps a person to stay focused and sharp throughout the day. In this article I have compiled some tips which will help you in having a restful sleep.

1. Declutter Your Bedroom

Try to keep minimum things in your bedroom. The textures of the bedroom should be inviting and soothing. Use the best bed sheets you can afford. The environment of your bedroom has a good influence on your night`s sleep.

Do not use one mattress for a long period of time. It is advisable to change the mattresses after six to seven years. Buying a mattress can be lot easier if you discuss all your needs with a sales person.

2. Change Your Sleep Position

If you want to increase the quality of your sleep then it is a good idea to try a recommended position while sleeping. Avoid sleeping on your abdomen as it usually causes aches and pains.

3. Take Lighter Diet in the Evening

Take a balanced evening diet. Don`t take heavy meals in the last part of the day. There should be a gap of at least 3 hours in between your dinner and time of sleep. A full stomach usually disturbs the sleep pattern. But don`t go to bed with an empty stomach. It is equally harmful for your night`s sleep as our body do need some energy even at rest.

4. Avoid caffeine Rich Drinks Before Bed Time

Don`t take Coffee, caffeine rich soda and black tea in the evenings. The effect of caffeine can last up to 12 hours. I would recommend you to stop taking such drinks after 3 PM.

5. Lower your Bedroom Lights before Going to Bed

It is advisable to lower your bedroom lights at least one hour before going to bed. This will definitely regulate your sleep pattern. Keep the room as dark as possible while you are sleeping. Too much light in the room can disturb your internal clock.

6. Don`t Be Sedentary

People who have sedentary jobs usually suffer from lack of sleep. Try to be involved in some physical activity. Physical exertion contributes a lot in good night`s sleep. But don`t exercise right before sleeping because it boosts your circulation and your body feels more awake.

7. Don`t Take Too Much Naps in Day time

Taking short naps is good but if you over sleep in the day, it can keep you awake at night.

Try some of the above mentioned tips and you will definitely see good results.

Finding You Are Not Alone - The Best Reason for Reading or Using the Internet

Someone once said that we read to find we are not alone - and we surely use the Internet for the same reason - to discover there are people with the same interests out there - among the many other reasons why we surf the Net.

Our thoughts are ours alone - they may originate elsewhere - from a TV show we watched last night - from a book we just read - a conversation we just had, but they are essentially ours - they exist in our own heads - and nowhere else in quite the same form.

If we want to know if there is anyone else with similar thoughts, we must either read, or talk and listen. We read newspapers for news of the day and in reading that news, we find our own thoughts and views confirmed or questioned. If we find that one particular newspaper expresses views that invariably contradict our own, we change to one whose views go along with our own - we shouldn't necessarily, but we usually do.

Finding out we are not alone in the world is what we do most - we communicate. I have taken to writing what I call 'imaginary conversations - no, I'm not going mad - as a way to find out what I know about a particular subject. After writing several of these conversations, I find from the Net that others have done the same - I find they are given a name - Socratic dialogues, and I find that lots and lots of people all over the world are doing the same thing. Where do I find this - on the Internet!

What we know, what we think we know, and what we don't know can all be found by means of dialogue - with others, or in writing. The world offers us few good ways of finding this out.

Visiting websites offers a way of finding out if anyone else has used this way - of using a dialogue - with others, or I writing. The odds are that someone else is doing the same thing that you are - is interested in the same things you are; we are not alone - ever!

But, unless you get out there and write - communicate, you will stay alone. Everyone out there is connected, if they want to be! Connect - communicate - interact - live!

How to Connect Your Workforce With a Leadership Program?

Is your organization's workforce dying down due to lack of motivation? Are you planning anything to motivate them by introducing a prolific leadership program? Here are some basic steps that you must take to understand your work force and then connect it with the right organizational leadership program.

Step-1. Affiliation, Accreditation and Course Curriculum-

You must gather certain info regarding the university and school which offering you this course. Be little more patient and go all the way to more about it. The better information you have, the clearer you can present it in front of your employees. With a better clarification, they would be enthusiastic and would come together to know more about the program and would get enlisted.

Step-2. Course Details in a Nutshell-

In the second and one of the most important steps, you have to come up with some outline of the program that you are going arrange for your work force. It has twofold impact on your organization. One, your employees would get motivated. Second, it would be added to the facilities available at your company. Professions would chase you.

Step-3. Knowing How to Work is More Important than just working

Time is changing and shedding impact on work culture, style and how people used to fix an issue. Let this sentiment of knowing how to work is more important than just working get inculcated among your employees. They would get motivated and would help you gathering them together and start your program.

Step-4. Arrange an Open Forum Conference-

You may go short of information at times. Arranging an open forum conference is much better and easier to motivate your employees. It would get you exactly what you are looking for from your audience and make them more flexible in thinking.

Step-5. How to Manage and Work and Training Together-

Striking a balance between work and training is essential in order to prevent work shut down. However, scheduling in such a balanced way is essential and you have to make sure that you are continuing your work and letting your employees sometime to go take the training. Talk to an expert and schedule to continue both of them.

In a Nutshell-

An organizational leadership training program is essential for connecting your workforce with the new trends of working and taking the lead for the betterment of the organization. It would bring you two things together. One is you get your employees motivated and secondly, you would make more compromise while choosing such a program and making your task to motivate your employees easier.

Keep in mind that being owner or a manger, you have to shoulder the responsibility of keeping your employees motivated by the idea of taking the lead when the right time comes. Get prepared with a proper plan and then jumpstart your project as soon as possible. It would give you all that you need to have for making your work exactly what you want to.

Peace of Mind - Only a Breath Away

it is easy for many of us to have difficult days. It may feel like there is chaos that is surrounding us. It may also seem that our thoughts and the different circumstances lead us to a fast paced life. The ability to step back and approach your life from a different perspective can help you to find better solutions to help you ground and focus.

The approach I use when I have a difficult day is natural meditation. Once you understand the parameters of this practice, then it is easy to do at any time. It is not the type of meditation that requires discipline, breathing techniques or placing your body in different positions. You can practice the same meditation while you are walking or sitting still. The more comfortable you are with this practice, the easier it is to clear and find a state of peace.

When you begin, you will want to concentrate on the meditation technique for 20 minutes. You can close your eyes or simply observe with your eyes open. As you stay in this meditation position, you will want to observe every thought or distraction that takes you away from being in the moment. You will want to look at thoughts that cause you to not be present. Emotions may come up that don't allow you to stay present. You will want to observe these as they move through your body.

As you observe the distractions, you will want to then move into slowing everything down. You will specifically want to focus on slowing your thinking down. After you have observed the difficulties you have, then you can quiet your thinking. You want to make sure that you don't react or judge the thoughts you have. Instead, observe what arises and take everything as it is. Your only task is to sit quietly for 20 minutes or longer and to simply allow the thoughts to arise and move through you.

The idea of this natural meditation is to simply accept everything as it is. You may find yourself wanting to get up or change positions, causing this to move you out of your current state. You may become impatient, checking the time continuously for your next task. These are all formats that take place in the mind and cause you to loose your presence in the current moment. It is best to sit quietly without reacting or engaging in the thoughts, impulses or sounds you hear.

This simple practice of natural meditation will offer the opportunity to create peace of mind in the middle of any situation. If you feel that there is chaos, then you can apply this into every day life and in any environment. The result will be transformational changes that apply to every area of your life.

What Makes You Worry?

As I sit here in my office today waiting for surgery I am not anxious at all, at least not for now. I do not like needles and IV's which I know are very necessary to help the doctors do their job, however; I am at peace and I know that my rotor cuff and bicepital tendon have to be repaired and I am in good hands. I'm I worried not at all.

I think where people have a tendency to worry is when things are out of their control, and if they can't control the actions others, they worry even more. For example, in divorce court, some may worry about mischaracterizations their ex-spouse and attorney may say about them. Many clients over the years who have gone through a divorce found themselves extremely worried about everything involved with their divorce and being in court. Most of their concerns were unfounded.

Another example is how we worry about our children and how they will turn out. I sure do as a father! I want my daughter to be a great asset to her faith and to the community she lives in. I want her to excel in her marriage and be a fantastic wife. Can I control any of this? No, not at all. I can only pray for the successes in her young life. I have laid out the foundation for her to follow and pray that she does!

So my question is, what worries you from day to day? Are your worries real or imagined? How can you deal with everyday worries so they don't consume you?

For me that is a simple answer, I just don't let unreasonable thoughts control me. I look at the encouraging counter thoughts. I believe that finding ways to counter my worries has helped me a great deal. When I start worrying about my daughter I counter my thought with the fact that she's in God's hands! That helps a great deal. If you think about it, what will my worrying do to help my daughter? Not a thing! So, I will not panic and I will trust God and let him take care of business.

My tips for dealing with people that worry:

90% of the things we worry about never happen.
Focus on resolution and not despair.
Have a plan that will help you through your worrying.
Plan to speak to those who make you worry and tell them why. If you have a teen that's learning to drive and taking the car for the first time, tell them to be cautious.
If you have a relationship that causes you to worry, go to that person and try to repair and make amends.
Figure out if the worries you have are real or imagined.

These tips work! Try them! Remember that worrying just causes you frustrations that you don't need to live with. Do you worry out of control? Do you want to stop worrying and need help? Are you worried about your marriage and need help in deciding what to do? If you answered yes to any of these questions then put together a game plan that can help you sort the worries in your life, then deal with them!

How to Motivate Yourself

Lost Motivation

We've all been there on more than one occasion. We've all had deadlines to meet or important things to finish in our lives that, sometimes, we just can't be bothered to do. It happens. It would be crazy to expect ourselves and each other to be one hundred percent motivated and dedicated twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.

The bad news is, lack of will and motivation can't always be avoided. The GOOD news, is that there are techniques that we can use to try and get that motivation back.

There are three main causes of lack of a lack in motivation, and they are:

• Lack of confidence
• Lack of focus
• Lack of direction

In order to motivate yourself, you need to overcome these obstacles and get back the confidence, focus and direction that you have lost. Unfortunately, it's not as easy as just doing it. Like most things, it is easier said than done... but it's not impossible. The tips below should help you on your path to motivating yourself and putting procrastination and lack of motivation to bed.

Steps to Motivating Yourself

Have a Cause That You Care About

One of the key things in motivating yourself, is to care about WHY you need the motivation. If you don't care about what needs to be done, then you'll find it harder to do it. Have a reason, and make it a good one. Know WHY you are doing what you are doing, and you're already one step ahead. If you don't have a good reason, motivating yourself will be extremely difficult. If you can't find a reason then consider dropping the project and focusing on something else until you know exactly why the task needs to be completed.

Have a Dream... and Dream Big

Set yourself a big goal. If the target is a big one, you'll motivate yourself more to reach it. Having smaller goals can lead to lack of caring and boost procrastination. Aim high and reach for the top. If you want it, you'll get it.

Be Hungry

Really WANT what you are setting out to achieve. Sharing your hunger and excitement with other people around you can also be beneficial. If other people are aware of your goal, they are likely to motivate and encourage you. Using motivation from other people is a great way to motivate yourself and feel good about what needs to be done. Feed off of energy from other people and use that to feed your hunger to succeed. Allow yourself to be encouraged by others and use THEIR motivation to motivate YOURSELF.

Run Your Own Race

Don't compete against somebody else. Set your own pace, and keep to it. Don't try to rush or you could end up stressing yourself out. Pace yourself and ignore how far everyone else has gone. You are your own person and not everybody works at the same speed. Figure out what works for you and set yourself to work towards it. Comparing your work to somebody else's can sometimes kill your motivation, especially if you find out that you are behind by a significant amount. Focus on yourself and your own results and you will win the race.

Take One More Step

Take it step-by-step. Don't force yourself to do too much at once. This can be tough if you're facing strict deadlines and the pressure is on, but don't bite off more than you can chew. If a task has more than one part to it, don't tackle them all at once if you're feeling stressed. Tackle it one piece at a time and work yourself up to finishing the final project.

Let Go of the Past

Don't compare your progress to other tasks that you have accomplished in the past. Some things take longer than others and it is important to realise this. Much like comparing your work to somebody else's, comparing to work you have done previously can be just as demoralising. Treat each task individually and let go of the past until you have completed your project; you will save yourself a lot of stress and pressure.

You CAN Succeed!

While sometimes it can feel like an impossible task to motivate yourself and you can often feel alone and succumb under pressure, with a positive "can-do" attitude and the correct steps in place, you CAN succeed and complete whatever you set out to accomplish. The trick isn't to FORCE yourself to do something, but to know how to handle the stress and disappointment that comes with being unmotivated and to remedy the situation. Follow the steps outlined in this post and you should find it a lot easier to rely on yourself to get back that motivation that disappears from time to time. Just remember: You CAN do it!

The Personality and the Soul - A Spiritual Journey

There are two very distinct and usually opposing parts of your humanity; your personality and your soul. This may at first seem peculiar to your sensibilities, so allow me to explain. Your soul is your true self. It is the very essence of your eternal being. Your soul is that part of you that is only concerned with love. To it, that is all there is. Your personality, on the other hand, is that portion of your earth bound physical self that strives to protect your ego, which is merely an illusion.Yin Yang people Every negative aspect of your life experience is a function of that personality and its ongoing mission to preserve the ego.

ALL negativity we experience is the result of the personality manifesting fear of something: loss, abandonment, poverty, rejection, illness, and ultimately dying or annihilation. It is fear that drives all human conflict; between partners in intimate relationships as well as between tribes and nations.

For example, let's say your spouse arrives home somewhat later than you anticipated without calling to inform you. When he or she finally does arrive, the hostilities erupt. Why? Why are you not simply content in the joy of their safe arrival? Why do you feel compelled to react with anger, to make the other person feel badly, to punish them in some way? It is fear at work in you; fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of abandonment and the like. What takes place is the fearful parts of your personality take over; you literally become possessed by them and you believe that you have no choice in your behavioral response and therein, you err. As we saw earlier, you always have a choice but only in as much as you realize that you do.

In order to consistently exercise choice that supports the intention of your soul, you must become the silent "watcher" of your feelings, emotions and reactions. This is the beginning of enlightenment. When you master the ability to recognize the fearful parts of your personality attempting to take you over and you challenge and reject them in favor of the intentions of your soul, you are on the path to true peace; the kind of peace that can only come when the intentions of your personality are aligned with the intentions of your soul.

This state is not something that happens overnight or without vigilance and practice. You are, after all, attempting to overcome a lifetime of operating by default or on auto-pilot however, with time and patience, it most certainly can be achieved. The bottom line is we all have choice, even in the circumstances that seem to demand only one response. We simply have to wake up to that fact and choose. When the Buddha was asked how he wanted to be remembered he replied simply, "As one who woke up."

Men and the Root of Anger: Is It Anger Management or Wound Healing That Is Needed?

Anger is a natural, healthy part of our emotional lives. It is only when anger becomes out of control or explosive that it turns harmful. Men experience anger on all levels. We can easily recognize men with anger when it turns to rage, aggression, or violence, but few people can identify the other signs of anger in men, such as depression, being hard on self, the need to be perfect, the need to be tough, and the obsession to achieve. Whenever men examine the sources of their anger, they are often surprised at how deep their anger goes, how it is related to past hurts, and how deeply tied into their identities it has become.

It is important to understand the confusion that men have with anger. First, anger most often starts in boyhood and is confused with "power" and "strength" in young males. This confusion comes because anger "feels" powerful, especially if a boy is fearful and wants to find a way to cover up his fear with an emotion that emboldens and energizes him. Second, the confusion about anger is further compounded by a boy's experience with angry adults and poor emotional modeling. Boys view angry adults as being more powerful and threatening in their expressions of anger. These angry role models teach boys that expressing anger as a source of power and emotional dominance is acceptable.

The problem is that boys learn to depend on using anger for getting their needs met, instead of being able to appropriately express their needs by talking about them. Likewise, boys can become habitualized to depend on anger as a means of relief from unacceptable feelings (e.g., fear, shame, guilt, etc.), instant gratification of demands, or to create feelings of being powerful or invincible.

Anger most typically gets transformed into aggression in young males, which becomes another source of confusion, since boys in general are encouraged or rewarded for their aggression, especially in terms of competitive sports. Some may argue that aggression in sports is a good way of channeling anger, but most men don't know how to switch it off, especially at times when the anger-aggression may be triggered by feelings of being threatened, hurt, or fear of vulnerability.

Dependence on anger usually carries on into adulthood as a "habit" than gets out of control. Our jails and prisons are full of men for whom anger became their only way or habit of getting their needs met. This sad, but true fact is why there needs to be more emphasis on helping men heal the wounds and hurts behind their anger.

Anger management programs are often recommended by family members, significant others, and even courts after a man has had some sort of outburst or aggressive behavior. Reviewing some of the websites available, the common selling point is that "men can learn to control their anger" through techniques and timeouts. Although valuable and helpful, lasting change comes through healing the emotional wounds and hurts at the root of anger, not from attending anger management classes. Working one-on-one with a therapist can help men to discover the roots of their anger stemming from emotional wounds. The therapeutic process can help guide men through the stages of grieving, forgiveness, and letting go as well as equip them with healthier coping strategies for appropriately expressing anger. Men of all ages are able to experience transformation and heal through therapy so that their anger is no longer out of control.

Named Must Your Fear Be, Before Banish It You Can

Yep, that's Yoda. Okay, not the most recognised of psychological muses in the world, but there is a wisdom here. I never really got into Star Wars. It was just not my thing, which meant I did not pay that much attention - which made it all too confusing. I was never sure who the Empire was - if they were good guys or bad guys - I think Luke was on the other side. And then the prequel arrived and we learnt that our favourite bad guy started out as a good guy. But I always had a soft spot for Yoda - the Jedi knight trainer.

George Lucas wrote Yoda's oft quoted words of wisdom (yes, there are websites just of his quotes) and has proven he was well qualified to do so. He has become a force to be reckoned with (small pun intended) as few writers and filmmakers have equalled his success which includes the creation of the Indiana Jones franchise as well as the Star Wars... empire.

For me, psychotherapy is simply accelerated personal growth. Fixing the problem that brings people into therapy is just the beginning for me. My main job is fixing the dynamics that allowed the problem to flourish. Many problems grow in the void of meaninglessness. Like choking out weeds by watering and fertilising a lawn, pursuing one's meaning and purpose in life will choke out many problems in life that will otherwise happily grow in their place. To do this I tap into the power of becoming who my patient was meant to be.

There is no force I can harness greater than the power of allowing one's 'potential person' to come out and reign. This is the beginning of authoring one's life. My greatest nemesis in this work with people is fear. People fear all sort of things - from change, to failure, to success. Or their fears may be more specific like, 'If I do that he will reject me,' or 'If I speak up I might lose my job.' In weight management, so often they are fears like, 'If I lose weight, I will have a relationship - relationships are dangerous,' or 'If I can lose weight, people will expect more from me.'

Finding the courage to overcome our fears is, of course, the challenge. While there are many ways in therapy that I work to mobilise someone's courage, naming their fear very specifically is the first step. Once a person knows precisely what they fear, surprisingly frequently, this is enough. It is as if people say to themselves, 'Now I know you, I'm not going to let you hold me back from what is my right.' This is the most healthy part of our Ego as it says, 'You can't beat me. I deserve more.'

Whenever something is holding you back, start by naming it. For the clinicians who read my blog, when you are stuck in your work with someone, go looking for the fear behind it. Once you find it, elaborate and tease out the fear in all its glory. Once this is done, then I will leave my patient with a thought like this: 'Remind yourself that this is the fear that stops you from doing what you need to do. Wait for the time you find the courage to confront it - it will come.'

It is as if the courage of personal growth inevitably grows over time, once it has a target. I think it is fed by the feeling of letting ourselves down - but only for as long as this awareness lives in our consciousness. This is the key for me - holding our fears in our consciousness - resisting the powerful drive to forget them. By not naming our fear, it remains undefined and thereby elusive and the 'courage-growth' process cannot even begin.

Maybe Yoda would have put it this way: Grow over time, inevitably your courage will, once focused it is.

Self-Love and Selfishness

When I speak of self-love many people say "But isn't it selfish to love one's self?"

When I first came across the concept of self-love my reaction was exactly the same. It took me years to really grasp the difference between selfishness and loving one's self. I believe the confusion stems from the complexity of the idea of love, in general, as well as from a common distortion in our upbringing. We are taught to respect other people's needs and feelings but are not taught to respect or even understand our own. This is because much of our upbringing aims at creating a person who would conveniently fit into society, rather than at helping one to become a fulfilled, self-sufficient, independent individual.

Thus, for instance, when a boy of four runs around in a supermarket the mother scolds him for disturbing other people. While it is true that the comfort of other shoppers ought to be respected, the disciplinary "lesson" often takes place without consideration of the physical and emotional needs of a child of the four year-old. Perhaps it would be better not to take him shopping at all because at this age he is unable to stand still in a queue or walk quietly alongside his mother. In reality, however, this is not always possible. And thus the suppression of the natural needs of a child begins, and his subconscious begins to pick up a message that there is something wrong with him, and that the needs of others should be respected while his own natural needs do not deserve the same consideration. This message, reinforced many times in diverse situations, becomes ingrained in a child's psyche. This child then grows into an adult who believes that his or her inner needs are of no importance, in comparison with the needs of other people.

This is just a small example, but it allows us to trace how imperceptibly, without any major trauma, our ability to recognize and respect our inner needs can be undermined. Sometimes this happens through the lack of differentiated psychological insight in parents. For instance, in my childhood I was repeatedly told by my father that I was selfish when I refused to share sweets with my little sister, a year and a half younger than me, or would not play with her instead of my friends. When as a young adult struggling with self-esteem I confronted my father about this, he replied: "Yes, I told you that because I did not want you to grow up selfish." This was, apparently, his preventative care. And such well-meant measures may affect us for years to come.

So what IS the difference between selfishness and self-love?

Through my many attempts at explanation, I have found it helpful to draw an analogy between caring for one's self from the point of view of a child and caring for one's self from the point of view of a loving and supportive parent. In the examples above I have highlighted some mistakes commonly made by parents. Presently, I would like you to think of an ideal parent model; of a parent who is a psychologically aware, mature and caring individual able to offer a child unconditional love combined with healthy boundaries.

Selfishness in this analogy is similar to a child's idea of fulfilling his/her needs (for the sake of brevity I will continue to write using the masculine gender). As a child's awareness of his needs, in a holistic and long-term context, is not sufficiently developed, he will frequently confuse gratification of his desire with what is good for him. For example, he may want to eat half a kilo of ice cream. That would be taking care of his craving, but not of the actual needs, of his health and wellbeing. Or imagine a child of five or six who takes a toy from a friend and does not want to give it back because he has taken a fancy to it. In the short term, this child may fulfill his desire, but in the long term - especially if he continues to behave in this way - he risks losing his friends.

I hope I am making my point clear. I am trying to say that being selfish, in my perception, amounts to the inclination to obtain immediate gratification of our desires, regardless of the long-term consequences for our emotional and physical wellbeing. And while striving for this gratification we can also hurt other people. While I don't yet have children of my own I have been spending a fair amount of time with children of my friends. This has given me plenty of chances to observe their thunderous struggles with their "I want it NOW!"

I often empathize with them as I recognize it within myself, even though at a different level. More often than I would like I recognize the little child within me who screams "I want it NOW!" And it takes the mature, parent-like part of myself to help that child realize what attitude or action would really be in her best interests.

Now, the caring parent who is aware of his child's needs may sometimes say no to the child for the sake of the child's health or emotional wellbeing. This restriction, however, would be based on the understanding of the child's developmental needs, challenges and desires. It would also come with an expression of acknowledgment and an appropriate explanation in a form the child will understand. If such a parent has to reprimand the child for some misbehaviour, she/he would make it clear that it is the behaviour that is being "bad," not the child himself. And, of course, discipline would be followed by forgiveness, so that the child would stay confident that his parent's love is always there and that it is OK to make mistakes, because this is how we learn. And making mistakes does not make anyone a bad person; it only shows us the direction in which we need to develop.

When parents take care of their children in this way they validate the children's feeling of self-worth and create a nurturing environment in which children are free to grow as persons, gradually developing the awareness of their own needs, of the needs of others, and how these two sets of needs interrelate.

Parenting our selves in such a way is what I would call self-love. This love is a form of caring that is based on the recognition of our value as a human being and as a person; it presupposes the acknowledgment of our needs, desires, wants, challenges and struggles; it knows how to forgive and how to encourage; it appreciates our individuality and tries to create conditions that would be best for our personal development and wellbeing.