A CONVERSATION WITH: Author Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg, Ambassador of Goodwill, is a speaker, author, and wellness coach. Michael is also the author of 21 Days to Better Balance- a compilation of themes and analogies designed to help people find better balance and happiness in their lives - and the follow-up book, 21 Days to Better Relationships. I have had the great pleasure of asking him some questions about 21 Days to Better Relationships as I read the book.

ATE: So Michael, is it irony that you currently live in Saint Paul MN, I am from there and some 15 years after I left we meet through the wonder of technology?

MTS: Ah yes, in the immortal words of Walt Disney, "It's a small world after all." Isn't technology amazing? It's bringing people together in ways many of us have dreamed of for hundreds of years.

ATE: We seem to also share a similar passion for personal growth and development. I think the universe puts people in our paths for a reason; what do you think?

MTS: Absolutely. In fact, the "Universe" as we know it is comprised of all souls-including our eternal "selves"-so it is no surprise that we are getting precisely what we are asking for... including the people, events, and circumstances that remind us who we are and show us who we can become. We are all from the same Source, so finding each other is never an accident-it is part of the reconnection we've all sought to experience through one another.

ATE: Let's talk about the new book. What inspired you to write 21 Steps to Better Relationships?

MTS: After the release of 21 Days to Better Balance-which is focused on finding better balance by connecting with yourself-I wanted to write about finding better balance with others. The third book in the series-21 Keys to Work/Life Balance-will be out in 2013 and is focused on connecting with the world. The series is progressive: connect with yourself, others, and the World. I've envisioned this series of books since I began writing them over 15 years ago.

ATE: In Chapter 1 Step 1 you ask the reader "In what ways could you know yourself better?" Has writing this book helped you to know yourself better: and how?

MTS: Absolutely. By paying attention to my life, my choices, and the results of those choices, I'm constantly learning about myself. For example, my beliefs are changing along with my preferences. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago or even last month! And this is good. I feel it's important to be flexible and go with the flow-it makes life a lot easier and more enjoyable. I don't want to know too much... it spoils the surprises that life is waiting to hand me.

ATE: You use a lot of quotes in your book and I like that since I send out a quote of the day as part of my Leadership Blog. Do you have a favorite?

MTS: My favorite quote is from George Bernard Shaw. "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

ATE: I highlighted that one. In step 4's call to action you mention disconnecting from someone to protect oneself. Can you expound a little on that?

MTS: We are all energetic beings emitting a "frequency" (much like radio stations playing different music), and we're very sensitive to others' frequencies. It is important for us to learn how to detach ourselves energetically from those negative people and environments which are harmful to our frequency-which bring us down. There are many techniques to do this easily and without the other person even knowing it is happening. Our energetic world is much more powerful than our physical world and we have the ability to work with it when we are conscious and awake.

ATE: Step 6 is about power and I like your example about "Power" in the workplace. This can be a very challenging situation especially when it is someone who has some control over your career and future. Do you have any other tips on how to handle similar situations and not give away your personal power?

MTS: When faced with any type of conflict, it's always important to consider the "best of all concerned". In other words, exercising your personal power doesn't always mean that you come out on top... sometimes taking the high road is stepping back and allowing others to step into their power. Many people believe that using power is about who "wins" and who "loses", but allowing others to be powerful allows for every one of us to experience our own power. The best choices may come by taking another person's perspective and using your personal influence to "allow" someone rather than "overpower them.

ATE: In a recent blog I wrote about leadership and the responsibility we have to pay it backwards and forwards. It seems to me that the exercise at the end of chapter 1 says the same thing. Do you have any personal examples of when you have received that gift?

MTS: Oh yes. In fact, gratitude often finds you when you least expect it. I recently spoke with a woman who started listening to her intuitive nudges after reading the first book and she was so excited to inform me that she's now taking better care of herself and never felt better. Even though I don't "need" to hear feedback in order to know my words have affected someone, it's always nice to hear sincere expression of gratitude through personal stories. Those words are never forgotten.

ATE: In chapter 2 Step 9 you write "Even the best intentions can create unexpected or undesired results." I have said more than once that in the corporate world leaders will express that they don't want something to happen and then do all the things that bring that very thing to fruition. What are your thoughts on why that is?

MTS: It's very important to know what we "don't " want in order to provide us with the contrast to know what we "do" want, however, it's also very important to then place our focus on only those things we wish to create - meaning, the "good stuff". With the knowledge that we are energetic beings and able to create our own reality, whatever we pay attention to will, indeed, expand... whether it's what we do want or what we don't. So it behooves us to utilize contrast only to make our initial choices. From then on, we will benefit most from giving our thouts and attention to what we want to create - for we WILL create it!.

ATE: The Chapter lessons get a bit harder and take a bit more work as you go on. Is that by design?

MTS: Yes. The books were written in a progressive format, using foundational principles on which I build advanced concepts, though you can read the themes in any order and still benefit from their insight. I suggest that the book themes be read in order the first time through, and then you can return to any chapter at any time for a refresher. But then again, do what works best for you. It's all good!

ATE: I have been recommending the books to people and don't want to give away too much about them because I really want people to read the books for themselves. Besides Amazon.com are the books available anywhere else and what other resources do you have available?

MTS: The books are available on their respective web sites (21daystobetterbalance.com and 21stepstorelationships.com), where all versions of the books are available: 1) printed book; 2) eBook; 3) workbook. Amazon.com (printed and Kindle editions), Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Kobo, Sony, etc., are all available as well if you just search on them in their online bookstores. In addition people can always visit my personal web site (michaelsunnarborg.com) along with my social networking links on Facebook and Linkedin:

ATE: In addition to your 21 Days series you have published other works and traveled extensively. Did you envision your life the way it has gone so far?

MTS: I've always been fascinated by the world, other people, and the mysteries of the unknown. When you start traveling the world you realize how very little you actually "know" versus what is out there to experience. My vision has always been to continue learning about myself and the world, so you could say that it's no surprise how exciting my life has already been! And the best part? I have no idea what is going to happen next... and I can't wait.

ATE: Final question Michael; can you give your thoughts on individual leadership?

MTS: Leadership is something that comes from within you. If you can learn how to manage and lead yourself in healthy and balanced ways, you can become a natural and better leader of others. The key to effective leadership (and all relationships whether or not you are in a leadership position) is truth and transparency. People know truth when they see it, and actions speak louder than words. All good leaders know this and realize you must practice what you teach.

ATE: Michael thank you for taking the time to talk with me! I look forward to reading the next book.

MTS: Hope you've enjoyed this interview - I sure have!

Michael is also the author of three photography books, one of which- Inspiration from the World- highlights moments of inspiration as he traveled to 16 countries in 12 months. Selected images from the book are licensed by National Geographic.