The Real Reason Feedback Is So Scary

It's easy to notice when things go wrong, and then to stir and marinate in them. It's easy to do a quick high five and move forward when things go right. What's not as easy, is to do the reverse; to bask and marinate in what's gone right; and to do a quick high five and move forward when things have gone wrong.

Both sets of circumstances warrant attention. Both impact spirit. Both influence effectiveness and creativity. The wrong will always demand attention, it will be obvious to those around it, it will sit in the spirits of those involved in it. It will stay. But the "right" - without awareness and intention - will often flee. It may be sensed for a moment, perhaps be less obvious, and get overridden by all else there is to move on to... next.

Human beings can be pretty masterful at brewing in the wrong; where they "fell short"; where they didn't meet a goal; where they could have done it better. Talking about what's not working, or what didn't work, or pointing out what needs to be better, is an easy default for some of the smartest of people who mean great and want to do even more. Talking about what's working or pointing out what's going well is not as easy. Nor is accepting the praise and recognition for things going right. Yet it's key.

And this is one of the reasons feedback can be so scary. Because so much feedback is geared towards the "bad", there can be an automatic human response of "resistance" and fear to feedback. Before the feedback is even out, the person is prepared for the "bad"; their lens and experience is already shaded. The unnatural comfort with stewing in the "wrong" is also one of the reasons that out of 10 things, if 9 go great and 1 goes bad - the 1 gets the attention. The "one" is the one that can stick with a reputation for years. The "one" is the one that keeps people up at night, inspires fear to take risks, has people get "careful." The "one" creates stuckness.

I'm thinkin' this is not a totally energizing way to work with the human spirit or to inspire more creativity and excitement. How about you?

Instead? Try swapping the ratios of how you focus on "good" vs. "bad". If you struggle here, just notice the pull to go to the bad. Notice the pull to move through celebration quickly - and then shift it. Stay. That 1 out of 9 that went badly? Note it, learn from it, and celebrate the 9 like crazy. Throw a party. For feedback? Go out of your way for "good". Make a conscious effort to give people positive feedback. Treat it just a seriously as you would negative feedback. Acknowledge them for who they are and what they bring to the table (especially when things are going "wrong.") When the "one" does happen to someone you know, love 'em, help them learn from it, use it to grow.

Of course it's important to be aware of where things don't work, what can be improved, what downright sucks - and it's even more important to focus energy and attention on the opposite side of the street. It's core to your creative and compassionate spirit to honor the people (that includes yourself) for who they are and how they're showing up. The good, the bad, the ugly - it all counts. Zoom in on some good and see how much easier the bad and the ugly become. (Funny that even in the "good, bad, ugly" cliche there are 2 "bads" and 1 "good".)

2013 - The Year of Belonging

It's taken so long to rekindle my longing,
But now that has come to be,
For my joy is made complete in belonging,
Praise God, that I can see.

***

A NEW YEAR'S REDIRECTION

We are all somewhat challenged entering a new year, as we reflect over what has been and what, in fact, might be. Even the most hardened of people will find some significance in a new year, as an opportunity for re-grounding life.

My past five years has been a joy in the writing. I have loved writing every word, editing, playing with nuances of meaning, seeking God in giving me more. The more I prayed for more of God's words, the more he gave me. At times I couldn't keep up. Some days I would have ideas for 20 articles. But in the recent few months I have had few and fewer fresh ideas given to me as I sensed God redirecting my ministry focus. A year ago I would have been worried. But for this season I know God is freeing me of the burden of writing prolifically, not that I want to slow down.

I have sensed a movement within my heart from an introverted desire in the mining for words to, recently, over the past six months, an extroverted longing to be connected with other people in real ways, and particularly other men. There has been a renaissance within my soul. I have faced my fears (again).

Entering 2013 is bright with hope, for I do not know, just yet, the intricate details that this New Year holds for me and my family. But there is a sense of unbridled joyous excitement I can hardly contain.

There is an insurgence within my heart to belong. And I do feel there is a place I now belong. My passion, this year, is to extract every nuance of meaning out of the concept of belonging; for myself, for others I care about, and for others I will care about who I may not even have met yet.

This New Year is bright with hope, for the desire to connect spiritual growth toward fulfilment and the transformation of lives - that more and more, people in my circle of influence might say "yes" to Jesus. This just must happen in community. Small groups and mentoring groups and groups just journeying together; serving with one another; and attending to one another's needs without thought for self: this is my purpose.

It begins in 2013. And within my heart, given what I know now, I'm not sure if there is a better calling. I'm so grateful to God that this concept - belonging, and helping others belong - stirs my heart so much. I can live on this passion. And God will multiply this!

***

It's taken so long to rekindle my longing,
But now that has come to be,
For my joy is made complete in belonging,
Praise God, that I can see.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Your Inner Strength

Your inner strength is where you draw your power from. It could be from past experiences that you learned from, it could be from faith in yourself, or from your faith in your religion. Your inner strength is constantly evolving.

As the New Year approaches you anticipate the changes that this New Year will bring forth. We have watched firsthand the furry that the force of nature carries. We have seen the acts of evil firsthand and have grieved together as a nation. We have watched so many talented people leave us this year. We sit and wonder what will be next.

At a time when uncertainty fills the air, it occurred to me; this time is no different than any other. There has always been strife, somewhere, someplace, with somebody. We muster up our inner strength and carry on, that's the way it has always been and that's what we will continue to do.

We have seen the rise and fall of groceries and gas prices; we have all had good days and bad. So I say, don't worry. A rough day doesn't mean that it will always be this way, the situation is temporary. If things need to be changed, trust in yourself that you can and will make the necessary changes.

The fiscal cliff will come and go. Soon it will be yesterday's news. Whatever changes are made, you will adjust to them and you are smart enough to work a way through those changes.

The New Year brings about hope and a strong need for change. The hope starts within you and is carried outward to others. Ask yourself daily, with every situation and with every person that enters your life, "Is this going to move me forward?" The answer to this one question will bring about change. Once you find out the answer things will never be the same.

As we ring in the New Year we have our mind on what we want to see happen in the future. It doesn't matter if it's to quit smoking, a new diet, or a new career, it cannot be a temporary goal, you have to make it a permanent goal; in other words, you can't just forget about it, you have to take action in order for it to work.

As the New Year rings in it will breathe new life into us. It will revitalize our dreams and we will feel alive again. We will set new goals with much needed vigor. It is also a time to draw near to the ones that need us, to the ones that we have never met. We can all share something with someone; a trade, knowledge, or a helping hand. Giving does not just mean with money. I look forward to meeting new people and going to new places vowing to help those along the way. I pray you have a safe, healthy and Happy New Year.

Does Venting Anger Really Work?

"For reducing anger and aggression, the worst possible advice to give people is to tell them to imagine their provocateur's face on a pillow or punching bag as they wallop it... "
~Brad J. Bushman (2002)[1]

According to Bushman's study, where he had three research groups to observe regarding anger responses, catharsis theory - thinking about the person who has angered us and venting anger using a punching bag or punching a pillow - is nonsense. Such a response only angers us more.

He found that of the groups that 1) did nothing regarding someone else hurting them, or 2) simply became distracted instead of responding, that the group that thought about the person who had angered them, and acted out their rage, actually increased their residual anger and aggression rather than decreasing it.

Punching a bag or screaming into a pillow doesn't actually alleviate anger.

Furthermore, the group that was distracted (not venting their anger on a punching bag) were less angry than the punching bag group but were no less aggressive. It was only the (control) group that did nothing as a result of their anger, but were required to sit quietly for 2 minutes who had an effective response through the reduction of anger.

Venting anger seems to be like pouring fuel on an already raging fire.

Distracting people in their anger merely delays their angry response.

Doing nothing but sitting quietly for 2 minutes reduced anger.

This teaches us a lot about anger - our mounting anger in response to another's offence. We are better off becoming distracted than we are thinking on and acting out our anger. But even better is doing nothing in the moment.

So how are we to respond by 'doing nothing' in situations that provoke our anger in ways that are effective?

BETTER WAYS FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT

What we learn from this study is that simply sitting quietly, managing our mood as best we can, is as effective as any of us can manage.

Of course, Christians have another technique: prayer. Rather than venting in prayer, which may help at times in the process of grieving, it might be better to sit quietly in our minds and hearts in facilitating the reception of God's peace.

What delaying our responses in the quietness of our minds and hearts achieves is the facilitation of the higher mind. This frontal lobe part of our brains - the Neocortex - is developed through delaying instinctive responses like anger.

We are better off not acting on our angry feelings, but praying to God for quietness within our hearts and minds, such that our higher minds might advise the right response at the right time and in the right way. Yes, with God's help, we can train our minds to cope better with angry feelings.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

[1] Brad J. Bushman. (2002) "The Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? Catharsis, Rumination, Distraction, Anger, and Aggressive Responding" in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (28:724).

The Discretional Moment of Sacrifice

The extra slice of cheesecake I'm about to devour promises 8/10 in satisfaction, yet in 15 minutes that level of satisfaction will fall to 2/10 as it hits my stomach. The decision, now, to politely say "no" (to myself) seems like a 2/10 decision, yet in 15 minutes it will feel like an 8/10.

Taking half an hour out, choosing to relax, when there is already plenty to do, feels so good - it promises 8/10 in satisfaction. Yet having spent that time in front of the television, catching a sitcom or a sports program, really is a 2/10 choice when there is work to be done.

The work still needs to be done and procrastination only delays the inevitable.

Working half an hour later at the office or in the workshop or factory, when it is discretionary (i.e. there is no extra income/we don't need the extra income), seems like a good use of time, until we realise we are lacking in work/life balance. When our spouses and children miss out on us because we are working too hard or too long in hours we suffer - the whole family suffers. It would be a 2/10 choice if we had any say in it twenty years down the track. Many of the (material) things we work extra time for are fleeting and unimportant.

DEGREES OF WISDOM AND BALANCE

These above, our choices in life, are filled with opportunities at discretional moments of sacrifice. A discretional moment of sacrifice is a point in time when we make a decision; to go the easy way that promises much, but delivers little, or to go the hard way that inevitably delivers what we really need.

Life, generally, is not fair.

We all know this, and yet we still complain. We complain that our lives are too busy or they are not busy enough. We complain because we cannot lose weight, yet we continue to eat how we always ate. We wonder why we have problems with our teenage children, having not spent quality time with them consistently as they grew up. We complain we don't have enough time to relax, yet we are quick to relax when we can't afford to.

Life isn't fair, much of the time, because we make life harder for ourselves than it needs to be. This needn't be a hard word. We should all relate because we can all relate. We generally all have problems of the above kind.

What we need is the appropriate wisdom and balance in our lives; to work hard and make the hard choices when we need to, so as to enjoy the benefits that ultimately come.

The discretional moment of sacrifice is our opportunity - of one choice in the moment of obedience to the Holy Spirit's leading - to do now what we should do now, so there are no regrets later. The discipline of sacrifice at the right time is a precious portion of the abundant life.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

A CONVERSATION WITH: Author Michael Thomas Sunnarborg

Michael Thomas Sunnarborg, Ambassador of Goodwill, is a speaker, author, and wellness coach. Michael is also the author of 21 Days to Better Balance- a compilation of themes and analogies designed to help people find better balance and happiness in their lives - and the follow-up book, 21 Days to Better Relationships. I have had the great pleasure of asking him some questions about 21 Days to Better Relationships as I read the book.

ATE: So Michael, is it irony that you currently live in Saint Paul MN, I am from there and some 15 years after I left we meet through the wonder of technology?

MTS: Ah yes, in the immortal words of Walt Disney, "It's a small world after all." Isn't technology amazing? It's bringing people together in ways many of us have dreamed of for hundreds of years.

ATE: We seem to also share a similar passion for personal growth and development. I think the universe puts people in our paths for a reason; what do you think?

MTS: Absolutely. In fact, the "Universe" as we know it is comprised of all souls-including our eternal "selves"-so it is no surprise that we are getting precisely what we are asking for... including the people, events, and circumstances that remind us who we are and show us who we can become. We are all from the same Source, so finding each other is never an accident-it is part of the reconnection we've all sought to experience through one another.

ATE: Let's talk about the new book. What inspired you to write 21 Steps to Better Relationships?

MTS: After the release of 21 Days to Better Balance-which is focused on finding better balance by connecting with yourself-I wanted to write about finding better balance with others. The third book in the series-21 Keys to Work/Life Balance-will be out in 2013 and is focused on connecting with the world. The series is progressive: connect with yourself, others, and the World. I've envisioned this series of books since I began writing them over 15 years ago.

ATE: In Chapter 1 Step 1 you ask the reader "In what ways could you know yourself better?" Has writing this book helped you to know yourself better: and how?

MTS: Absolutely. By paying attention to my life, my choices, and the results of those choices, I'm constantly learning about myself. For example, my beliefs are changing along with my preferences. I'm not the same person I was 5 years ago or even last month! And this is good. I feel it's important to be flexible and go with the flow-it makes life a lot easier and more enjoyable. I don't want to know too much... it spoils the surprises that life is waiting to hand me.

ATE: You use a lot of quotes in your book and I like that since I send out a quote of the day as part of my Leadership Blog. Do you have a favorite?

MTS: My favorite quote is from George Bernard Shaw. "Life is not about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself."

ATE: I highlighted that one. In step 4's call to action you mention disconnecting from someone to protect oneself. Can you expound a little on that?

MTS: We are all energetic beings emitting a "frequency" (much like radio stations playing different music), and we're very sensitive to others' frequencies. It is important for us to learn how to detach ourselves energetically from those negative people and environments which are harmful to our frequency-which bring us down. There are many techniques to do this easily and without the other person even knowing it is happening. Our energetic world is much more powerful than our physical world and we have the ability to work with it when we are conscious and awake.

ATE: Step 6 is about power and I like your example about "Power" in the workplace. This can be a very challenging situation especially when it is someone who has some control over your career and future. Do you have any other tips on how to handle similar situations and not give away your personal power?

MTS: When faced with any type of conflict, it's always important to consider the "best of all concerned". In other words, exercising your personal power doesn't always mean that you come out on top... sometimes taking the high road is stepping back and allowing others to step into their power. Many people believe that using power is about who "wins" and who "loses", but allowing others to be powerful allows for every one of us to experience our own power. The best choices may come by taking another person's perspective and using your personal influence to "allow" someone rather than "overpower them.

ATE: In a recent blog I wrote about leadership and the responsibility we have to pay it backwards and forwards. It seems to me that the exercise at the end of chapter 1 says the same thing. Do you have any personal examples of when you have received that gift?

MTS: Oh yes. In fact, gratitude often finds you when you least expect it. I recently spoke with a woman who started listening to her intuitive nudges after reading the first book and she was so excited to inform me that she's now taking better care of herself and never felt better. Even though I don't "need" to hear feedback in order to know my words have affected someone, it's always nice to hear sincere expression of gratitude through personal stories. Those words are never forgotten.

ATE: In chapter 2 Step 9 you write "Even the best intentions can create unexpected or undesired results." I have said more than once that in the corporate world leaders will express that they don't want something to happen and then do all the things that bring that very thing to fruition. What are your thoughts on why that is?

MTS: It's very important to know what we "don't " want in order to provide us with the contrast to know what we "do" want, however, it's also very important to then place our focus on only those things we wish to create - meaning, the "good stuff". With the knowledge that we are energetic beings and able to create our own reality, whatever we pay attention to will, indeed, expand... whether it's what we do want or what we don't. So it behooves us to utilize contrast only to make our initial choices. From then on, we will benefit most from giving our thouts and attention to what we want to create - for we WILL create it!.

ATE: The Chapter lessons get a bit harder and take a bit more work as you go on. Is that by design?

MTS: Yes. The books were written in a progressive format, using foundational principles on which I build advanced concepts, though you can read the themes in any order and still benefit from their insight. I suggest that the book themes be read in order the first time through, and then you can return to any chapter at any time for a refresher. But then again, do what works best for you. It's all good!

ATE: I have been recommending the books to people and don't want to give away too much about them because I really want people to read the books for themselves. Besides Amazon.com are the books available anywhere else and what other resources do you have available?

MTS: The books are available on their respective web sites (21daystobetterbalance.com and 21stepstorelationships.com), where all versions of the books are available: 1) printed book; 2) eBook; 3) workbook. Amazon.com (printed and Kindle editions), Smashwords, Barnes & Noble, iTunes, Kobo, Sony, etc., are all available as well if you just search on them in their online bookstores. In addition people can always visit my personal web site (michaelsunnarborg.com) along with my social networking links on Facebook and Linkedin:

ATE: In addition to your 21 Days series you have published other works and traveled extensively. Did you envision your life the way it has gone so far?

MTS: I've always been fascinated by the world, other people, and the mysteries of the unknown. When you start traveling the world you realize how very little you actually "know" versus what is out there to experience. My vision has always been to continue learning about myself and the world, so you could say that it's no surprise how exciting my life has already been! And the best part? I have no idea what is going to happen next... and I can't wait.

ATE: Final question Michael; can you give your thoughts on individual leadership?

MTS: Leadership is something that comes from within you. If you can learn how to manage and lead yourself in healthy and balanced ways, you can become a natural and better leader of others. The key to effective leadership (and all relationships whether or not you are in a leadership position) is truth and transparency. People know truth when they see it, and actions speak louder than words. All good leaders know this and realize you must practice what you teach.

ATE: Michael thank you for taking the time to talk with me! I look forward to reading the next book.

MTS: Hope you've enjoyed this interview - I sure have!

Michael is also the author of three photography books, one of which- Inspiration from the World- highlights moments of inspiration as he traveled to 16 countries in 12 months. Selected images from the book are licensed by National Geographic.

Advantages of Online Reading

Reading books is such a divine feeling that one can't resist, but get habituated to it. We tend to forget the world around us and get immersed into the characters of the book, we read. This would actually boost our morale and build self-confidence to face any issue in our life. Most books reflect the circumstances that we encounter in our life and propose a possible solution to them. Of course, there are fiction books, which forms the teaser to our brains and are exception from the real books. Books reveal the beauty of our life and fills warmth within us. Inculcating the habit of reading a book will surely help you to gain knowledge, reduce stress and have control on your life.

Gone are the days, where you had to struggle to reach out a particular book of your interest. This may be because of the non-availability of the books or non-affordability because of the huge price tags. But today, the world of Internet has helped us to grab everything that we wish onto our palm. All the information is just a click away and is easily accessible. Though the usual practice of reading the paper books is still in existence, reading online books has been a better choice. The reasons are listed below:

Availability

Non-availability of paper books has been one of bottlenecks to have seamless reading experience. It may be because of limited prints, no proper storage, no record of available items, etc. On the other hand, books are available in both audio and video format online; it clears all the problems of preserving and tracking the books. Therefore, it drags all the readers to scout online books from its unlimited resources. You can make a good collection of online books, just as you fill the shelves with the paper books of your lifetime.

Simplicity

These days, all the books can be simply accessed online. You can tweak with variety of options like magnify the content, change the font, change the background, highlight a phrase, jump to the page of your choice, easy bookmarks etc., which is not possible with paper books. The audio version of online books helps us to do other works while listening to it. Old people, who have a poor vision can avail the option to increase the font to an extent in which their eyes get pleasure and they can happily continue reading. You can always get the online content downloaded onto your CDs, DVDs or other data devices and can read anywhere you travel. In all, online books makes life simple to read.

Vocabulary Improvement:

While reading online books, you come across various words which you haven't heard before. You can take a stock of all such words by observing its usage in a sentence. Vocabulary forms the main weapon of an author to embellish his work in a lively and pompous manner. You can start using such words in your daily life and check the flavor it offers to your sentence. Both the online books and paper books offer you to learn extensive vocabulary, but then it's the online book which helps you to trace a particular word from the entire book, by simply doing a 'Ctrl+F.'

Writing Skills

Reading online books would help you to improve your online writing skills as you become acquainted with various writing styles by authors. You can add your own edge and slant to your content by observing the writing style of these authors. Improved vocabulary will help you to churn out appealing sentences that would enrich your content. You can sell your content to a larger world if you can produce a good writing and hence, reading would certainly help in this aspect.

Affordability

Very few can afford the paper books because of its heavy price. On the other hand, many online book sites offer e-books to read for free of cost, just by registering with them. Please note there are also books, which would require you to buy before you read. You can get a few excerpts of such books before you buy them. Also, online is the safest mode to preserve the books for a lifetime. Any one can afford to access online books by connecting to the Internet. You can also get them downloaded and read it on your PCs any time you please.

Life Needs Positive Energy

1. Don't escape from the problem. The best way to evade a problem is to attempt to solve it. It sounds easy, but it is hard to make it. When we are in trouble, we are likely to fall into distraction, grief, pain, depression, and hesitation. However, this is what life is all about. As time goes on, we adapt ourselves to something new and challenging. So we are tempered into the person who we are by life.

2. Stop deceiving yourself. We can lie to anyone, but ourselves in this world. Only when we seize the opportunity, can life be changed greatly. To achieve this goal, the first thing as well as the most difficult part we should try is to be honest to yourself.

3. Don't always put your own needs on the back. The most painful thing is losing yourself and forgetting that you are special in the process of love someone too much. Nothing is wrong with helping others; but remember to help yourself. If you neither follow your own passion nor do something important to you, seize the moment now.

4. Stop trying to be someone you are not. One of the greatest challenges in your life is being yourself in a world that is trying to turn you into others. Someone will always be prettier, or smarter, or younger than you. But they never be you. Don't change so people will like you. Just be yourself and the right person will love the real you.

5. Do not indulge in the past. Memory is a wonderful thing if you can let the past go. You will be unable to tell a new story if you indulge yourself in the past.

6. Stop blaming yourself for the mistakes you made in the past. No matter how far or outrageous your mistakes went, one thing is certain: mistakes can help us get back on track. All of us are likely to make mistakes, encounter difficulties, even regret a past thing. But everything that you are experiencing now is preparing for your future unknown.

7. Don't idle away your precious time. Stop thinking too much, or you will create a new problem. Make a assessment to your situation, and then take actions decisively. You have to take a risk if you want to go ahead.

8. Stop thinking you are not ready yet. No one will be 100% ready when the opportunity comes. Because most of the opportunities in life will kick us off the accustomed idleness or comfort. This means we won't feel free or easy in the beginning.

9. Don't compete with others. Stop worrying that others will do better than you. Concentrate on what you are doing and try to break your own record every day. Success is just a war between you and yourself.

10. Stop being jealous of others. Envy is the art of counting the happiness of others instead of your own. Ask yourself: " What is something I have that others want?"

11. Don't repeat the same thing without taking a break. The busier you are, the more important the rest. If you keep doing the same thing, you keep getting the same result. Sometimes, you need a distance to see clearly.

12. Stop overlooking the beauty of tiny moments. Enjoy the tiny things, and you will find that they are something profound to you when you look back one day. The most wonderful part in life is the trivial and indescribable moment when you smile to someone important to you.

13. Don't pretend that everything is OK when you are unhappy. Occasional breakdown is not impossible. Don't always pretend to be tough, because there is no need to prove that everything is going well. Leave what others think about it alone, and cry whenever you want! Relieving your feelings by tearing is of great benefit to yourself. The sooner you do this, the sooner you will smile again.

14. Stop worrying too much. Worry will not alleviate the burdens tomorrow, but steal away the joys today. Here is a way to judge whether something is worthy of your deep consideration: "Does it matter a year later, or three years later, even five years later?" If the answer is no, then it doesn't worth your anxiety.

15. Don 't concern what you don't want to happen. Focus on what cultivate and motivate you. Every successful legend tells a positive attitude. Think about the funny thing when you wake up in the morning. You will notice that the truth is what you hope.

Want A Happier, Healthier, More Successful New Year? Become An Optimist

The holidays are over, your decorations are slowly making their way back into storage boxes, the euphoria of gift-giving and receiving has given way to the mundane "Here we go, another year" where you still have to make a living or figure out how to make it through the next month, where family is still - well, family - and none of your obligations seem to have magically vanished along with the holiday music.

Yes, you've made your New Year's resolutions, and off you go to that gym or diet or other goal, teeth gritted together, swearing to yourself that this year you WILL see that resolution through, no matter what it takes. And you're pretty sure it will take lots of effort, not to mention struggle, as you tear yourself bleary-eyed from your warm comfy bed, stare out at the rain/snow/ice/cold and wonder what on earth possessed you to resolve to an early morning run every day?

Here's a radical suggestion. Before you undertake any of your New Year's resolutions, decide to become an optimist. Make that your first and most important new choice for 2013.

Why? Because an impressive body of scientific research proves that optimists live longer, happier, healthier, more successful lives. They experience significantly less stress, less depression, and heal faster than pessimists. Not only that, but my favorite - optimists outperform their own abilities! So you may be good at something, but if you're an optimist, you'll be terrific at it. No matter what you undertake, you'll experience more success and joy by the simple decision to become an optimist.

How do you do that? Well, the old adage "See the glass half full" is accurate, but only addresses the essence of optimism, not the practicalities.

Here are three quick, easy tips to becoming an optimist:

1. Play the "what if" game positively.

We all play the "what if" game, but for the most part, we play it negatively. For example, take a common concern: "What if I get fired?" which usually leads to "What if I can't get a new job? What if I go through our savings in a month? What if I don't have enough to cover the rent/mortgage?" Panic sets in real quick, and with that your stress increases as your ability to think clearly and make good decisions goes directly downhill.

Instead, play the "what if" game in a hopeful direction: "Well, if I get fired, I have a pretty good skill set, I've learned a lot at this job, I've made new connections. I'm sure I can parlay some of that into a new situation. Meanwhile, I'll put some extra effort into my current position so I'm not as easily dispensed with."

2. Give the benefit of the doubt.

Giving the benefit of the doubt, in our above example, is where you look at the fact that you've still got a job, that the company isn't likely to shut down completely so workers will still be needed, that you've had good reviews so far.

All this reassures you that the sky isn't falling as of now, which helps you relax, again assuring that you are functioning at your least-stressed best. You can now be proactive and perform at your highest level, which will certainly make you harder to fire.

3. Reminisce constructively

Most of us, when faced with a situation we don't like, reminisce destructively. We think of all the bad things that have happened to us, and how awful it felt, and how hard it was to get back on track.

Instead, reminisce constructively. Deliberately think about all the good things that have happened to you, how good those seeming "out of thin air" helpful coincidences felt, and how surprisingly easy it was to get back on track. Think of the people who helped you along the way, even if it was just a stranger who gave you a smile in passing when you most needed a little kindness.

Become an optimist. There are no downsides whatsoever, no nasty side effects, nothing that warrants disclaimers or fine print of any kind. Be an optimist and enjoy a simply fabulous 2013!

Results Are Different Than Rhetoric

One of the most frustrating things for those of us who spend so much of our time on leadership identification, qualification, training and consulting, is that it is often so difficult to gauge what someone will actually do, simply by examining their words. Many casual observers are often awe - struck by leaders who are fabulous orators, or who use somewhat technical terminology when examining issues and ideas. The facts are that the most magnificent speeches, using those most eloquent words, often do little to enhance the final results. While, of course, it is beneficial to a leader to be able to express himself orally in a highly polished and professional manner, the rhetoric does get things done. Only when words are followed in a timely, well thought out manner, with decisive actions, do we witness true an effective leadership.

1. While having a technical and detailed knowledge of issues can certainly be beneficial, only when someone can translate that knowledge into terminology that most others can follow and understand, is it a meaningful leadership asset. When someone in a position of leadership uses a lot of jargon (I refer to it as techno jargon), it is often dangerous because casual onlookers often equate fancy rhetoric and impressive jargon with actual knowledge and expertise. Terms to beware of include: governance (or any reference to the need to use a specific type as the magic elixir to cure most that ails an organization); metrics (how and why exactly are we so hung up with measurements, especially since they can often be either manipulated or misconstrued); getting to the next level (especially since most people who say that don't truly recognize where they presently are, nor where they need to go); etc. Great organizations do not become great because of numbers alone, for it is the value that a leader brings to an organization, along with the quality of his vision, and the goals that vision brings about, in relation to the mission of the organization, that generally matters the most.

2. Leaders must be judged by their actions and intent, and not by their words. When you see, for example, a group that relies heavily on surveys and evaluations, it often indicate a lack of self confident and effective leadership. Why weigh these types of rating systems so heavily when we are often unsure of the methodology, but even more importantly, are uncertain if those doing the rating, have either the knowledge or expertise to make a valid determination.

Words often sound beautiful, but when they are used as a disguise for less than sufficient knowledge, can often be dangerous. A leader must focus on true communication, which means using words, combined with actions, that motivate others to get more involved.

The 10 Best Ways to Cope This Holiday Season

Are you dreading Christmas and the craziness that surrounds it? Maybe your warm and tingley feelings inside are really the beginning of an ulcer and not Christmas joy? If you are feeling overwhelmed about the upcoming holidays, you are not alone.

Overwhelming anxiety; that is how I used to describe Christmas. I now love Christmas. I actually have a Christmas music CD that I play all year. I tell people the cats enjoy it, but really I love it. Why the 360 turn around? What changed? Me, I changed. I got rid of the anxiety by making Christmas what it's supposed to be; a religious or spiritual holiday. A time when we are nicer to people. A time we need to be nicer to ourselves. We put so much pressure on ourselves to buy gifts, send cards, have parties etc. It is just overwhelming.

That is not the only anxiety. It is the worst time of year to be alone, and/or to feel alone. If you are a single person or not surrounded by a family or friends, it can be the darkest time of the year. We feel pressure to have a good Christmas, to receive and give gifts and to have great dinners and parties. But what if there is no one to give gifts to or have dinner with? Enter again anxiety.

I have 10 great ways to cope with the holiday season, embrace just one and see your Christmas spirit rise and your anxiety go down.

10. If you send cards, begin early. If you are running late and just cannot seem to get it together to get them out, go green and send e-cards. Also, make a list, date it and stick to it.

9. No money for gifts? No problem, make your gifts or put a price limit on spending. Within your family and friends pick names and get one gift. Or get together and donate to a charity. No money to donate? That's okay; donate your time, which is even more precious and needed.

8. Alone and no invite for Xmas dinner? Why don't you make dinner and be the host, and invite others. Or, volunteer at a shelter serve dinner to others in need. You will feel fabulous helping others feel great.

7. If you work shifts, offer to work during the holidays and then take time off when you really want to, not when you feel you have to.

6. Make Christmas your own. Do a theme tree. Come up with new traditions. Have an open house or a cookie exchange. Don't cook turkey, have something completely different, save a turkey!

5. Take a vacation, but don't leave town. Rent a cottage close by or stay the night in a fancy hotel, fun!

4. Plan a mini home project, redecorate a room or even knit that sweater you've been thinking about.

3. Visit or volunteer at a shelter. Or ask your local church or community center if they know of anyone who is unable to get out this Christmas, that you could help out. Be Santa to them.

2. Join a Christmas group, like a carolling group, church choir, etc. Get out and get involved, embrace your inner elf.

1. Be a mall Santa and catch the Christmas fever from children.

The real secret to having a relaxed Christmas is knowing that it is about what you make it, not about what everyone else makes it. Christmas is a feeling, not a party or a hangover. It is about feeling passion and compassion for yourself and others. It is about re-evaluating your life for the arrival of the New Year. It really is about peace on earth, and just as important, peace within.

Peter Principle And Murphy's Law Still Plagues Many

Almost everyone has heard of, and, at least in a general sense, understands the concepts of both the Peter Principle, and Murphy's Law, yet these two concepts, and organizations lack of understanding how they negatively impact, continue to plague many organizations. The Peter Principle says that, in many organizations, the mere fact that someone is somewhat competent in one position often gets them promoted to a higher one, and at some point, they are promoted to their own personal position of incompetence. Murphy's Law includes the idea that whatever might go wrong, generally will. Only organizations that understand these concepts, and plan accordingly, will maintain suitable and prepared leadership. What is amazing, however, is in organizations that have fallen into these traps over a significant period of time, the situation becomes exacerbated because there are already somewhat incompetent or untrained and unprepared leaders who are judging the talents of future leadership.

1. Because so many organizations have neglected true leadership training, they often end up in a situation where they end up believing the use of rhetoric and techno jargon is the same as preparation, understanding and training. When you hear someone in a leadership position continuously using terms like metrics, or referring to generational differences (where they lump all people in a certain age bracket into certain characteristics), or proclaim that changing items like governance will be some sort of magic elixir, it indicates that there is a situation that I refer to as rhetorical leadership, which means that often a little knowledge is more dangerous than none. These individuals often believe that because they have attended seminars, or read books, etc., that they automatically are knowledgable and prepared. When organizations fall into this trap, they tend to promote outwardly nice individuals that they falsely believe are prepared (remarkedly, even when they often have been somewhat incompetent in their present positions), and eventually inherently unprepared individuals attain essential leadership positions.

2. Murphy's Law has an impact because things often do not go as one would ideally wish for. When this happens to an unprepared leader, it often results in crisis decisions, which is often both costly and dangerous. True leaders emphasize preparation and planning, and thus not only design primary plans and courses of action, but also backups and contingency plans. In all positions of leadership or planning, those individuals who check the details, analyze what might go wrong and alternatives available if they do, and proceed in a positive, forward thinking manner, are invariably the ones that do not panic, and proceed in an organized, seamless manner, when situations dictate.

Don't let Peter and Murphy control you and your organization! If everyone and every organization followed the Boy Scout motto of "Be prepaid," the difficulties that organizations with a dearth of leadership would be dramatically reduced.

In Your Role As Leader Watch Your Language And Attitude And Then See People Around You Change!

In your area of leadership how do cope with vital issue of forgiveness? How do you forgive people who have messed up your programme or let you down or hurt you in some specific way?

The best way to learn something well is to learn from an expert. Jesus Christ is best and finest and highest expert there is on any topic of leadership and especially forgiveness. After all, this was the main reason for His coming into the world at Bethlehem.

In my recent reading and study of Matthew Chapters 5 and 6 in the Sermon on the Mount, we learn how this 'expert' trained and prepared men for leadership

Jesus assumed His disciples would give and fast and pray. The Jewish people prayed regularly but in many instances it had degenerated into what was nothing more than words. There was no depth.

Jesus teaches His disciples to pray with sincerity, not like the hypocrites, who were doing it to be seen and for show.

Jesus is not criticising public worship or corporate prayer, but He is warning against praying for the wrong motives, when men might be hoping that others will be impressed by our spirituality.

There is also the sense of privacy, or even secrecy, where there will no distractions, and no admirers, and where in our private praying we will not be disturbed. Jesus mentions going into your room and closing the door. It is the word for the store room where treasures are kept. That is where we have that privilege of encountering and meeting with our Creator God.

And be simple. Hypocrites prayed with wrong motives and pagans prayed in a wrong manner. It is all there in verses 7 and 8.

Jesus was not against repetition, but He was against mindless repetition. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus repeated the same prayer three times.

Father - Pater - we are to remember we are speaking to Almighty God.

We honour His Name, and we pray for His Kingdom to come, and for His reign and rule to transform our world, in the political arena, and in the economic, banking, financial, and family world. If leaders prayed more think of how some of the social injustices might be corrected, and how the atmosphere in our schools, and even in international situations, might be transformed. This is the task of leaders no matter where they are leading.

We pray for His will, and that will is Good, Pleasing, and Perfect. We read of this in the opening words of Romans Chapter 12. Most people do not realise that the Will of God is good, pleasing and perfect.

There is almost a realising of brokenness when we pray for forgiveness.

There is no hardness, nor harshness towards others, if we come in need for forgiveness.

We come in need in repentance and in humility. There is a seriousness.

Just give me the bread for today - no - we need the forgiveness too. Sin can keep a man away from asking God for forgiveness.

Leaders need Provision and Forgiveness and now Protection. We need to be protected from the evil one, throughout our every path of life.

Do not let us be so tempted that we will be overwhelmed.

Deliver us from the one who would infect us with his evil and rip Your Truth from our minds.

Deliver us from the one who is out to destroy us.

The best thing to do with the Lord's Prayer is to pray it.

If you are a leader pray for your people. Pray for you business. Watch your language and attitude. Be authoritative but kind and gracious and aware of the needs of those around you and watch productivity increase as the workplace atmosphere is changed and transformed, for the better.

Has This Been On Any Leadership Course You May Have Ever Attended?

As a leader in your business organisation, or bank, or school and college, or the section to which you have been promoted, would you like where you lead to be transformed within 24 hours? If you control your mouth and your tongue, and stop making people fearful of you this could happen quite quickly. I have seen it happen and within a very short period productivity has increased as harmonious relationships made the workplace so very different.

Jesus Christ in Matthew Chapter 6 is teaching potential leaders regarding prayer. Has that been on any leadership course you may have attended?

Now, Jesus Christ was and is the finest leader this world has ever seen so if we turn to him we are look at and for quality.

Jesus wants us to show a willing co-operation in His plans and with his plans, and that is why he encourages these men to pray, Thy Kingdom come and Thy will be done.

He looks for willing submission. That may not very popular in the minds of some leaders who might have been promoted beyond their natural ability.

What are these claims the Father has upon His children? God looks for Reverence and Co-operation and Willing Submission. It is there so simply.

If you started praying for those around you and those who look to you for leadership the atmosphere and productivity would be changed.

Jesus moves on to what the children can claim from their Father. If you pray for those around you God will bless you and provide for your every need.

Some do think that God is not really interested and that He is too big or too busy, or has too much to do, and we are not that important, or we are not fit to come to Him or that somehow He is not able to help. We might not always put it and express it like that, but it is there secluded deep within many hearts and minds.

Give us today our daily bread. Give us provision enough for the next 24 hours, and help and grace and strength for the next 24 hours, and this is not for tomorrow dear God, just because we are not going to pray tomorrow, so give us today.

It is a prayer for sustenance to see us through the day, and that is not just physical sustenance.

There is much temptation around and corruption is rife in many places and bullying is rampant. That is why this is so crucial for those in leadership.

Come and ask specifically for support and provision. It is daily prayer for a daily walk with God, and it is a realistic prayer. Try it no matter you are exercising your leadership.

Nor is it, thank you for yesterday's supplies because we will spin it out for today!

Pray for the people who look to you for example and leadership. At a time when immorality and lust and selfishness abound, you make up your mind that you are young to be different.

Breaking Through To Balance

Being in balance in all areas of our lives is a perennial topic for discussion and contemplation. Often we may find ourselves over-committed, under-rested, over-fed yet under nourished, generally or very specifically unhealthy in some way and the key to clarity and wellness turns out to be that magic word - Balance.

Finding balance in a world where we are either pushed or pushing to be performing at our peak 24/7 365 can be a major challenge for many of us. It's important to Take Back Control of your own life. To remember that you and you alone are responsible for creating your own reality and that you have the power to change what isn't working can be the greatest gift you will ever give to yourself.

Start right now-are you willing-right now- in this moment - to take a time out? - To come back into balance? We are taught by some of the greatest of teachers to literally "stop the world". It is our world, our creation, and we can and do have the power to stop everything right here, right now and ask some soul searching and very serious questions.

The first question you might ask yourself is this - When was the last time you took some time just for you? Not just a day off from work but some serious time out - 3 - 4 days, maybe even a week or two that is totally and completely unscheduled - time to reflect, to journal, to meditate, to rest, to review your life, to see where you are and where you've come from, to decide, really consciously decide who you are and who you want to be, to see where you are and where you really want to be going.

When we make the choice, the conscious decision, to stop, to take a time out and to deeply contemplate our passions, our purpose, our soul's journey, we may find that there are some changes that need to happen and soon. Change can be very frightening for people and yet it's the most natural thing in the world. Nature herself is a perfect example of the ever changing nature of our universe. All too often we busy ourselves to the point of exhaustion and collapse, merely because we are afraid to face the necessary steps that we need to take in order to change our lives, change our world and bring things back into a place of balance.

In the Peruvian Tradition of the High Andes we are taught about a concept known as Ayni. Ayni is a way of living in the world that is in balance with our own nature as well as with the natural world around us and all of our relations. The native peoples believe that we are all connected and strive to live lives of balance and communion with all that is.

A simple way to start the process of breaking through to balance is to track for yourself your own natural energy rhythms. Using a calendar and a scale from 1 - 10, each day mark a number for that day that is a measure of your energy level,. For example today you might be feeling very lethargic, not really wanting to do anything - maybe today is a 2 day. Tomorrow you might get up and feel all full of "piss and vinegar" as my mom would say - ready to take on the world and accomplish mighty feats - tomorrow might be a 10 day. When you have tracked your own energy for a month or so (at least 30 days is recommended) you then have a picture of your own flow - perhaps during the full moon you are totally charged, later in the month might be your down time. Chart the flow and begin to match your commitments and activities to your own true nature. Don't say yes to that party when you know if falls on a day when you will likely be in the 2 zone. Go for it and book three appointments with clients and host a dinner party on your usual 10 day. Just bringing some consciousness to your own energy will start you on the road to balance. Make it a prayer - Lord may I bring a little more balance to my life and to the world today and may I begin with me.

These People Can Cause Stress

"Your potentialities are a great deal better than anyone ever permitted you to believe." L. Ron Hubbard

STRESS CAUSES ILLNESS AND STRESS MAKES LIFE DIFFICULT
What causes stress?

Do you think work, professional life, competition, boss, colleagues, career, education, personal life, relationships, money, bills, taxes, traffic, etc. cause stress in your life? Do you think there could be a common denominator here?

Well, have you ever considered that people around you could cause stress? Do you know people around you affect your survival?

Yes, certain people can cause stress. Cheerful and positive people create positive environment for survival. On the other hand, negativity can make you sad and ill. A person under stress is actually under the influence of negative people in one or more areas or aspects of life.

As a matter of fact, many foul-ups stem directly from negative influences of people with anti-social traits. Identify and stay away from negative people because it is a struggle to be happy around them. In case, it is not pro-survival for you to completely detach from a certain negative person or group, handle the relationship gently with "good roads and good weather" - patiently building understanding with warm and friendly behaviour.

A negative person is not necessarily anti-social, on the contrary an anti-social personality to be anti-social has to be negative in his or her behaviour.

Similarly, the below given description of negative and anti-social people may or may not define a person's overall character. Stress can lead to negative thinking in you too and make you do negative things, but that doesn't mean you are an anti-social personality. With caution, only when you see a continuous display of one or two or combination of negative traits, go for a kill. A momentary tantrum or othertemporary negative behavior, with obvious circumstantial evidence to justify it, is no reason to bracket someone as an anti-social or negative person.

THESE PEOPLE CAN CAUSE STRESS

I-know-it-all kinds make coordination difficult, especially at work. You can't inform them or correct them because they believe they know it all already. This species is difficult to change as they are rock certain about their knowledge and so, such people are difficult to manage. Person with this trait also sometimes tries to impose self on others and find fault in them and their work.

I-know-it-all has another noteworthy variety. This person with an air of self-importance won't share his or her know-how. Instead, such a person enjoys the ignorance of others and uses it to control them.

This person would encourage you to take risks at your cost and would avoid getting involved in those actions himself or herself. Another technique anti-social people use is that they won't stop you from making mistakes even when they are fully aware of the repercussions you could face.

There are people who whine about this and whine about that. The whiners are never happy with anything. Hearing a whiner's stories and descriptions of things, situations, and circumstances routinely could make you feel that he or she is the unluckiest person in the world.

The grumpy is grumpy because he or she is upset. The grumpy resents anything positive or gets angry at the slightest pretext. Such people also have the tendency to get into trouble because of their grumpiness and pull others into it too.

Admiring others pains them. No matter how good you are at something. Their appreciation is pricey.

There are people who rarely or never acknowledge. Acknowledgement makes one feel heard. It completes the communication cycle. But there are some who would rarely respond or would not get back to you at all.

Those who cut you off too often, especially when they think you are talking about something for the good.

If you hear constant critical or hostile remarks, invalidation from someone, you should know there is much to life beyond this person.

This kind of negative person is good at concocting stories and altering communication, messages, or news. In the process, good news is either completely stopped or passed along as a bad news.

Look for rumormonger or who "loves" to gossip. This person could be spreading rumors or gossiping about you too. Stay away from backbiters or those who make fun of just everything. Simply observe the kind of things and people he or she jokes about. Remember if this person can make fun of others, he or she can make fun of you too.

A person who talks in broad generalities can also be problematic. Such a person is alarmist to the core. If you hear something to the effect of, "everybody thinks..", "everyone knows..", "No one's going to.." and such expressions, you know you are dealing with somebody causing panic by spreading a rumor. Usually they don't know who said what or want others to believe their own opinion in the garb of "everybody's."

Last but not the least. Stay away from those who don't pay their share or don't contribute despite reaping the benefits, too many times. Another similar variety is the one who is not in appropriate exchange with you. He / she only takes, but won't give anything or little in return. Such a person could be using you.

Identifying people who cause stress alone can bring great relief. Handling or getting rid of them can make you stress free, happy, and confident.

Things I Have Learned

I have learned:

1. I am not the titles I wear.

2. Being retrenched could be my rebirth.

3. That nothing is perfect.

4. That I have more strength than I imagined.

I am not the titles I wear. To outsiders I am a wife, mother, sister, best friend and Operations Manager, but at one point the responsibility that comes along with these roles took over my life. I had no idea what I was really feeling besides overwhelmed. I have now learned that I need to take care of myself in order to care for everyone else.

Being retrenched could be my rebirth. I did not make the decision to end my employment but I have come to realize that it was one the best things that has ever happened to me. In hindsight, I discovered 10 years of an emotionally stressful job had changed me, and not for the better. So I embraced the opportunity to learn about myself and dove into watching my son grow. That I can reinvent myself at any age.

That nothing is perfect, not even myself, and that's something to celebrate. I used to think that if I followed the rules and stayed silent, my life would run in a straight line, It doesn't work this way. I have had to face detours, and dirt roads, and to my surprise, those moments have bought out the best in me.

That I have more strength than I imagined. My dad was diagnosed with Cancer - Carcinoma of the Cheek, soon after my son was born, after that my mom had a stroke, soon after our 34 years family home burnt to the ground and I got retrenched. I was devastated but now, 5 months later, we are living our new normal; battling cancer, raising a wonderful child, a recovered mom physically and maintaining a loving marriage. In my quiet moments, I feel astounded that we have found the inner resources to survive.

Now I take limitations in stride and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size. Nelson Mandela said, "I have discovered the secret that after climbing a great hill, one finds many more hills to climb. I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come but I rest only for a moment for with freedom comes responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended.

Automatic Promotion

Believe it or not, there is a route to take that leads to an automatic promotion. There is something you can do that will instantly boost you to a new level of recognition. There is a way to the top that is determined by you before the approval of the human resources department.

This route to an automatic promotion is known by many. However, its pathway is not popular. Therefore, the route to an automatic promotion is a road less traveled. If I told you what this route consisted of, you would probably not believe me. If it is your first time hearing it, you may even be puzzled as to why and how it works. Therefore, whether you have heard of the route to automatic promotion or not, I want to prepare your mind for the course of travel.

When you think about promotion, what comes to your mind? Do you think about being elevated to a new position? Do you think about being responsible for more than what you are currently responsible for? Do you think about a greater level of power? If so, all of these thoughts are good and right.

On the other hand, when you think about promotion, do you think of applying for a higher position? Do you think about competing against somebody else for a higher position? Do you think about having to interview to explain how you are qualified for a higher position? If so, these thoughts are right as well. However, there is a step that comes before the application, interview, and competition when it comes to a promotion.

In order to understand the route to a promotion, we must discuss the principal of sewing and reaping. The principal of sewing and reaping suggests that we will receive the things we have given in some kind of way. For example, if we help somebody with a task, we will be helped with a task. If we encourage somebody, we will be encouraged. If we teach somebody something, we will be taught something. Altogether, the principal of sewing and reaping suggest that what we do will come back to us.

The principal of sewing and reaping comes to mind when I think back to my job in the years of 2010 and 2011. In 2010, as a supervisor, I was very tight and strict when it came to giving raises. Though people were working hard, I was not accustomed to giving big raises. When it came to my raise, I did not get a big raise either. At the time I did not think I was reaping what I sewed. However, in 2011, I gave out some of the biggest raises in my career as a supervisor. Ironically, I received the biggest raise I ever received in my life in that same year.

That was the first time I really began to understand sewing and reaping. I had always believed it, but I did not understand it until it affected my income. After that occasion, I vowed to never give a poor raise unless the person was worthy of it.

Now that we have covered sewing and reaping, we can get back to our topic of suggestion. We can use sewing and reaping to explain how to receive an automatic promotion.

With that, if we want to be promoted in our careers or lives, we are going to have to do the same for others. Yes, the road to an automatic promotion is to do so for others. If you want to be elevated to a new level, elevate somebody to a new level. If you want to receive a new position, help somebody receive a new position. Obviously, if you get promoted, somebody will need to fill your position. Therefore, show somebody under you how to do what you do at work.

The reason for your automatic promotion working as told is not simply based on what you do. However, it is based on what others see when you do it. When people see you training others for a higher position, they see you as a good mentor. When people see you showing somebody how to do their job better, they see you as a good teacher. When people see you encouraging others at work, they see you as a good team player.

Being a good mentor, teacher, and team player are all characteristics of a good leader. This is what your employer or boss is looking for in order to promote you. They want to know if you will make a good leader. They want to see the traits of a good leader in you to see if you are ready for the next level. They want to know what you will do for others before they put you in charge of others.

On this note, if you are looking for an automatic promotion, start showing the characteristics of a good leader. Start giving advice to others on how to better perform their job when you see them not performing as well as they can. Volunteer to work in other areas so you can develop your people and team building skills. Train people under you (if you are in a leadership position) to be better at their jobs.

Set yourself up for your automatic promotion. Even if you are not promoted immediately, you will still be seen as a front runner for the next highest position. You may be given substitute leadership roles or special assignments to better your job knowledge and set you above your coworkers. You may even be given special pay incentives for your deeds and actions.

Be ready to receive your automatic promotion. Know that somebody is watching you and will promote you for the work you do. Why, because whatever you do for others and to others, somebody will do for you.

A Bounty of Blessings

Blessings like butterflies come to us and often catch us unawares. How many times have we heard the words "Count your blessings!"? When we take the time to become consciously aware, to slow down, to breathe, we are able to make the space in our lives to truly acknowledge all the many ways that we have been blessed. As we count our blessings we automatically create an energetic link to Spirit which activates an infinite feedback loop that garners us greater and greater blessings to count.

The Universe is filled with raw un-manifest energy, where our attention flows that is where the energy goes. This concept called Ma Te Ah in Hawaiian is a wonderful idea to hold in our consciousness. When we think about our blessings we create an incredibly powerful force field or strange attractor as it's known in physics that begins to both spin and magnetize more of the same to us.

Along with counting our blessings we also have the opportunity to take a moment to express our gratitude to the Universe for each and every one of them. Gratitude is the currency of the Universe and of course currency is gratitude in action. When we draw upon these powerful forces of good, naturally more good will manifest in our lives, in many forms, including financially.

As we garner greater and greater good it becomes vitally important to maintain the flow of acknowledgement for our blessings and gratitude for what we have received. It is wise to have awareness that what we have to work with is to be used and stewarded wisely for the greatest good of all concerned and not squandered haphazardly to satisfy the whims of the ego. Humility and an understanding that we have the capacity to harness these forces through the grace of Spirit is important to cultivate as is a state of balance in how we manage our resources.

Take some quiet time in your own sacred space today and let us begin to count the many blessings that we possess. Perhaps you will start your list with the physical: Are you healthy? Do you have a warm snug home? Are you well fed and clothed?

When you have exhausted all that you are blessed with in a physical way then move on to your emotional world: Are you loved? Are you surrounded by a supportive group of friends? Are you involved and connected with your family? Is your neighborhood or community a breeding ground for goodness? Moving on from there take a mental inventory: Are you well educated? Do you have access to books, literature, theatre, art, culture, and music? Are your colleagues mentally stimulating? Does your work enrich and excite your mind? Finally let's look at the Spiritual: Do you have freedom to worship as you choose? Are you intimately connected with your inner world? Does Spirit speak to or through you? Are you free to share what you believe with others?

During the holiday season our many blessings become more obvious as we create outward displays of our celebration of the season and exchange gifts and spend time with our family and friends. It's vitally important to remember that this time is a time for celebrating and sharing with others and that material goods are meant to be a small symbol of the deeper underlying energy of our feelings for each other.

Blessings come in many shapes and sizes, sometimes those that appear to be the smallest in the end turn out to be the most valuable. The blessing of an open heart, a compassionate ear, the hug of a small child, a sunshiny day, a beautiful flower, a delicious ripe tomato, the mundane, everyday tasks that make up a life like fresh sheets on the bed, hot tea on a cold afternoon - everywhere you look there's another blessing. By truly choosing to pay attention, to attend to that with which you are blessed you will discover a whole host of blessings surrounding you each and every moment. So the next time you feel down, sad, angry, lost, hurt, or fearful take a moment, take a breath, count five things right in front of you that are blessings and watch yourself become lighter and clearer before you know it! Thank you for blessing me with your attention today. The light within me recognizes the light within you and we are one - and blessed!

Maintaining a Life While Having a Career

Every day we wake up and perform our routine. For those of us with careers, we have a set routine that we do on work days and a set routine for the weekend.

If our work day routine is broken, we immediately try to decipher where we went wrong. We try to see what we could have done to not be running late. We try to see what we could have done to have eaten a better breakfast or packed a better lunch. We try to see what we could have done to have gotten in a better morning exercise workout or time of deeper religious devotion.

We are very concerned with having a great work day and we know that the way our work day goes depends on our preparation. This is why we are strict about sticking to our routine. This is why we have a pattern of doing things in order to make sure that we are consistent when getting ready for work.

The question to be asked is how many of us involve something fun in our daily routine? How many of us do something relaxing to prepare ourselves for work? How many of us participate in an activity of fun that reminds us of our personality composed of hobbies and taste? How many of us start our day, rather than let our day start us?

I can remember back when I was in a bowling league in 2010. My team was one of the best teams in the league. This was due to our constant preparation and previous bowling experience.

I would go bowling at least three times a week on my own before work. This enabled me to better my techniques as I could privately focus on what I was doing. This also enabled me to enjoy some leisure time before heading to the warehouse to do my job.

Those days of bowling before work, and bowling in the league on the weekends were some of the happiest times in my life. My days at work were less stressful and I received multiple special assignments. My relationship with my girlfriend (now wife) thrived tremendously, and my body's physical condition was great.

Looking back, I see how I had maintained a good balance between work and my personal life. I did not let my job define me. I did not base my life around my career. Instead, I enjoyed my job as I enjoyed myself. I maintained my personal life while maintaining my career.

If you happen to be a working individual who looks to the weekend to get away from work, it is time for a change. If your week days are spent, working, sleeping, and then preparing to go back to work, it is time for a change. If you work to live rather than live to work, it is time for a change. It is time for you to get your life back.

If you are one of the people I explained in the previous paragraph, your job is your life. This is why I said you need to get your life back. You need to get back to living the way you want to live. You need to get back to doing the things you want to do.

If you have never lived a life where you can do the things you want to do, then you need a new lifestyle. Rather than getting your life back, you need to rediscover life altogether. The life you have been living is not the best one for you.

Whether you are getting your life back or rediscovering life, the way to do so is to do the things you enjoy. Start adding a fun activity into your work day preparation routine. Find something enjoyable to do before you go to your place of employment.

People who do something fun before going to work are strong in their personal identity. They understand that there is more to their existence than just working to make money. They realize that they were created to be somebody outside of their position at work. They understand that it is just as important to have a life while having a career.

Choosing Consciously What You Want Is Where Change Begins

When on this journey, it's vital to acknowledge where we're at, even acknowledging that we have negative thoughts and feelings at times. The key is to stay with those negative thoughts and consciously choose a different thought and paradigm in the midst of it. Allow yourself to feel without fear or judgment. It's easy to say, "Oh, geez! Here I am on my back. How am I going to handle this?" But try seeing it as an observation rather than a judgment, looking at things from a more rational perspective. That vantage point will permit you to say, "It is what it is. This is what I'm feeling so what do I want to create?" and get out of that place of blame, shame, and guilt. Try to determine what the gift is in that feeling and what you want to create from it. Choosing consciously what you want is where change begins.

With all the planetary support that we receive, one of the most practical ways of stepping in to making this change clear is to step back and be honest with yourself about what your heart is longing for. Look at all the triggers that are showing up in your life, all the buttons that are being pushed, to determine exactly what that is. Imagine a spider web where your heart's desire is sitting at the middle of the web with all the strands radiating outward. At times, something comes along and tweaks that strand, serving as a trigger because there's a piece in that strand that's going directly into your heart. Somewhere on the strand there's a wound that you haven't nurtured fully, gained its wisdom, and incorporated it into the fullness of who you are. As you look at each strand, you get closer and closer to truly knowing what it is that your hearts long for. As you get the courage to step onto each of those strands, you can look directly at the wound that's been triggered and fully own every aspect of your reaction. You can ask yourself, "Why am I reacting here?" The clarity and the power of cosmic alignment is if we have the courage to ask this very question. The universe, in turn, will reply "Oh! You've finally asked that question?" and if we do that, we're going to get the answers placed right in front of us: the acceptance piece (where you get the clarity of what that wound is and don't run away from it).

Becoming a Level 5 Leader: Authenticity, Integrity, and Substance Over Style

"Authenticity is doing what you promise, not 'being who you are'." SETH GODIN

If authenticity is as Seth defines, then we have a dearth of authenticity in our world today. We routinely make promises every day that we either have no intention of following through or do not consider to be promises. We don't have an attention deficit disorder pandemic but rather an authenticity deficit disorder one. If we don't recognize this and take action to consider our commitments more carefully and follow through on those commitments, younger generations that follow and look up to us will reject and distrust our leadership. Rarely do we keep our word if it will cost us, but we should always keep our word... especially when it costs us. We are so concerned about our short-term interest (time, money, reputation, etc.) that we lose sight of the long-term trust that will be gained by sticking to our promises. What if your promise will cost you your job or will cause your house to go into foreclosure? Or what if it will cause you to lose your professional license or something else of great value? We all have a price above which we will sacrifice our integrity; my challenge to you is to break that barrier, choosing to never sacrifice your integrity no matter the consequences. Your word, and by extension your name and reputation, is worth far more than money or time.

Show Us, Don't Tell Us

"No plan is worth the paper it is printed on unless it starts doing. There is too much telling in this life and not enough doing." WILLIAM H. DANFORTH

We desperately need leaders who will guide us with less talk and more action. Please show us; don't tell us. God knows we have enough of the opposite. Put another way, "Ignore what people say, watch what they do." This applies in relationships as well as in companies. How often do dating couples tell each other they love each other, yet their selfish actions prove otherwise. Have you ever had someone apologize for an action, and then turn right around and behave the same way? It is no longer enough to say something if we won't follow through on our word. When my children approach dating age, I will endeavor to instill this in them, so they can avoid the kind of flaky people who don't honor their word. Mean what you say, and say what you mean. It is rather simple to explain yet so hard to practice consistently. Another application of this principle is to take time now and then to get your hands dirty at work. Lend help in some area of your organization that involves manual labor or other low-status work. You will prove to others that you are committed to the vision when you roll up your sleeves and get dirty. When people see that you are not above doing any job, they rally behind you. If you get this right, it will breed a fierce loyalty in people that cannot be coerced, controlled, or managed any other way.

Substance Over Style

"When I see an unresolved issue, I jump in. When I'm walking around campus, if there's trash, I pick it up." JACK DANGERMOND

We need more substance over style, since we have a plethora of the opposite in our culture. Flashy looks good on the surface, but a flashy mask is probably covering up a lot of warts. Without deep and substantive leadership, the best-case scenario is that nothing gets done. At worst, lies are told as to what is being done and/or what the real problems are. The world needs more outwardly boring, mundane leaders that get things accomplished and speak with integrity about the problems facing the organizations they are leading. The time has come for transparent leaders who choose substance over style; forget the upcoming election or whatever other threat looms. Let's choose to do the right thing for the organization and put ourselves in harm's way if necessary.

Build Icebergs, Not Skyscrapers

The foolish are continually busy building an edifice above the surface, while the wise are building below the surface where no one can see. You may have seen the artist's image of an iceberg with 90% of it below the water's surface. You can't see it normally, but what lies below has an enormous impact. Just ask the captain of the RMS Titanic. We would often rather build something much more noticeable (a skyscraper) because we want to wow others with our outward accomplishments. But what we build for others to notice is usually a façade covering a shaky foundation. With the passage of time, others will be able to see past the façade to the reality of both strategies. Eventually, many will marvel at the wise person's accomplishments as if they just happened overnight. They will see the creaking, crumbling construction of the foolish for what it is-but only after much time has passed. The wise instinctively know that it is better to build things out of view and then execute their plans with surprising accuracy. The foolish want to be noticed the instant they accomplish anything.

The Bottom Line

Others are watching us leaders to see if we will do what we say we are going to do and whether we will act in our own or the best interest of others. If they find us to be authentic on both counts, then they will trust and follow our leadership.

Being Motivated Everyday

Regardless of what you do for a living staying motivated will always make the journey toward success more fun. It is almost impossible to achieve any worthwhile goal without staying motivated. Although, you may have precisely written goals and your plan of action is perfectly etched in stone, motivation will give you the energy to keep moving toward the finish line when you hit the rough spots on your success journey. In addition to staying energized, motivation increases your ability to stay focus and creative. Staying motivated is an essential element in goal achievement, but it is not always easy to keep the fires of excitement ignited, especially when things do not go as planned. The tips listed below will help you stay the course:

1. Always Use Positive Language - When a problem arises and you feel motivation dwindling, swearing, calling yourself or others negative names, or downing your project will only lessen the motivation you were feeling and attack your confidence. Recognize all problems as an opportunity to learn a better or different way of handling things. If you do slip up and blurt out something negative, immediately replace any negative phrases you used with positive ones.

2. Read Positive Phrases - Start and end each day by reading something positive. You might try reading a favorite verse from the Bible or go to the bookstore in your area and find a book of "positive quotes". Another great place to look is the internet. Simply Google "positive quotes" and you will find lots of options. Selfgrowth.com is a website that has self-help articles, positive and inspirational quotes, and inspiring video clips. There is no shortage of positive information, so keep it light and keep it positive, you will be glad you did.

3. Visualize Positive Results - No matter what your reality looks like, imagine that you have already achieved your goals and are enjoying the fruits of your labor. See yourself living a life that is perfect for you. Also, see yourself as a person of power and imagine that you have solved every challenge you encounter in any project. When you imagine a victory in every challenge, you will always have something to look forward to and to remind you why it is worth it to continue until you achieve your dream. When visualizing, be sure to think big.

4. Do Something to help someone else - Nothing can motivate you better than the joy you feel after you have done something to help someone who really needs you. A part of our reason for being is so we can help each other or give of ourselves when it is most needed. If helping someone else involves taking a brief break from your goals, do it. You may need that time to gain a different and refreshing perspective. Constantly taking, pulling or expecting others to give to you, can be a real downer when things do not go the way you expected and that kind of one track energy will not empower you to reach for your best. Take the time out to give of yourself and much more than you expected will find its way to you, automatically. You may find that burst of energy that you need to complete your project.

5. Dress Up - Sounds strange? Think back to when you were a kid. Remember, how good you felt when you wore a new pair of shoes, a new dress, or new slacks to school? Well, nothing has changed. No matter how old you are putting on your favorite outfit or purchasing something new (Don't go overboard,) will make you feel better about yourself. When you feel good about you, no matter how many challenges you are facing, you feel motivated to handle whatever life is bringing your way. Of course, simply putting on a new outfit may not erase the feeling that you have challenges to handle, but when you put on a new outfit somehow, it makes you feel more progressive. Creating a feeling that you are making progress is one of the keys to nurturing the desire to move forward and successfully finish whatever you have started.

6. Spend Time Around Positive People - When your motivation feels like it is dying down, one of the best ways to re-energize is to call your mentor. If you do not have one, take the time to find one. If you are open to receiving wisdom from others, finding a mentor will be easy. There is a saying, "When the student is ready the teacher will appear". If you truly need the kind of wisdom that can jumpstart you and put you back on track, then a mentor is available to you. However, until you find the right mentor, seek out other people who have a positive attitude. It is okay to borrow a little positive energy from others. This is one of those times when 'strength in numbers' could work for you. We all need a little re-charging every now and then.

7. Go Out and Have Fun - We spend so much time being grown-up and serious, until we forget to release the child within. We forget to have fun. Focusing on challenges can be a de-motivator and it can actually stifle your problem solving and creative abilities. When that happens it can be difficult to find the answers needed to get back on track. Taking a day to do nothing, but have fun will make you feel better and you will be surprised at how many solutions and new ideas come to mind. It is so important to lighten up and laugh as much as you can, because when all else fails, nothing charges your motivation battery like laughing and having fun!

Keep these ideas in mind as you work to achieve your goals and they will certainly make success come easier.

5 Ways to Get Smarter

The brain is an amazing organ; the coordination centre of sensation and intellect. There used to be a misconception about our brains, our intelligence, and our IQ. We used to think that we were bound to live with the intelligence level we had at any given time. New research has shown that we can become more intelligent, smarter, and increase our IQ levels by taking some specific yet simple actions. These are the actions to take to become smarter and more intelligent:

Action #1: Reshaping The Brain

Lets start with our brains. Our brains have elasticity and plasticity. Over the course of your life, your brain has the ability to reshape connections when faced with new experiences. At any age, the brain can grow new neurons and the more mental stimulation you get, the more brain function is improved. By brain training exercises and games you can improve your attention, problem solving skills, memory, and processing speed.

Action #2: Learn a Foreign Language or Two

New research suggests that learning a foreign language gives you a mental boost. It also protects you from age related mental decline and lowers the risk of developing problems of memory loss or mental decline. Those who speak several languages have a reduced risk of developing cognitive problems. Learning a foreign language provides the brain with a mental workout that fine tunes the brain and makes your brain more powerful.

Nowadays you can learn a foreign language in the comfort of your own surroundings and just by devoting about 20 minutes a day over a period, you can learn to speak a foreign language. Learning new languages contribute to make you "smarter". Let's face it, it makes you appear to be more sophisticated as well.

Action #3: Do Mind Mapping

Mind mapping is a visual thinking tool that helps you get information out, generate ideas, and analyze information. Mind mapping jogs your creativity and helps you think in a more lateral way. It helps with cognition and maximises the power of the brain. When you need to think and generate information which is something that we do very often, mind maps help you to make the most of it and really use the power of your brain. At work and at home, you can use mind mapping for your thinking and analysis of information.

Action #4: Diet and Exercise

There are certain types of foods that help to boost your brain power like blueberries, oily fish, whole grain foods, tomatoes, leafy green vegetables, brown rice, and broccoli. Talk to your doctor about your diet and about exercise so that you can get a diet and exercise plan that is scientific and really works for you.

Action #5: Increase Knowledge

Your brain has the ability to do more and you can stimulate the brain through brain training, brain games, and learning foreign languages. In addition to improving cognitive ability, you should also increase your knowledge while stimulating the brain. Read books and explore new areas of study. It helps to keep your brain sharp and makes you more knowledgeable while doing so.

Share Your Enthusiasm! 3 Keys to Add More Joy in Your Life

Today is life - the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today. Get interested in something. Shake yourself awake. Develop a hobby. Let the winds of enthusiasm sweep through you. Live today with gusto. ~ Dale Carnegie

Where's your enthusiasm? Are you excited about life? Or have you fallen into the rut of complacency, going day by day with no real dream and nothing to be enthusiastic about? If so, it's time to re-examine your life and your lifestyle.

Have you ever been to a professional baseball game? It's exciting to see thousands of people cheering, enjoying the mouthwatering smell of popcorn and hot dogs, and hoping for a chance to catch a foul ball. Game fans are enthusiastic! They've got painted faces and team jerseys. They live, eat and breathe the sport.

So, what excites you?

• A new car
• A vacation
• Dinner out
• A visit from a relative or friend

Those are all wonderful, but you should be just as excited about your mission, your future and your success. You need to find something that 'lights your fire', something that excites your emotions and pulls you toward a dream or goal. Enthusiasm is the fuel that keeps your creative abilities flowing. It is the difference between a good life and a great one.

The word enthusiasm comes from the Greek; it means God (Ethos) inside (en, iasm). In other words, it is God's gift to you. He expects you to use it for your benefit and His glory. Enthusiasm for God's Word and His ways provides strength and motivation to walk in love and live according to His precepts. Enthusiasm toward God is joy - a fruit of the Spirit. Joy is always enthusiastic. The joy of the Lord is your strength (Neh. 8:10). Joy and rejoicing are Divine exercise, like a work-out in your spiritual gym. Rejoice often for maximum results.

Enthusiasm is a key character trait of successful people. Doers are excited about their vision - and transmit that excitement to others. Enthusiastic people enjoy the moment, live life to the fullest, and look forward with anticipation.

Can you imagine a marathon runner who constantly complains, "I hate running." Do you think she would win a race or even improve her personal best? I don't think so. Enthusiasm partners with determination to accomplish the result you desire. It doesn't count the difficulties. Instead, it causes you to grin and persevere! It gives you the supreme satisfaction of accomplishment.

Excitement and enthusiasm are contagious. They draw people to you and increase your influence. Enthusiasm increases belief and support from others. There is no better prescription for success than enthusiastic optimism.

As you get excited about your vision - your dream - enthusiasm eliminates procrastination. It improves your focus and keeps you on course. It helps you overcome difficulties. Enthusiasm, in a very real sense, is faith. It taps into God's power within you to help you realize your dreams.

Enthusiasm & Self-Esteem

Enthusiasm adds emotion to knowledge and transforms interest into action. Positive action is important to feelings of self-worth. Enthusiastic people are optimistic, outgoing and excited. They smile more. A positive attitude is contagious. It attracts people. It widens your sphere of influence and blesses others with your positive energy. Enthusiasm says, "I feel good about myself".

Enthusiasm in Your Relationships

Listlessness and apathy are relationship killers. Instead, get excited about spending time with others. Find activities that you can share in enthusiastically. Be appreciative. Actively look for ways to bless those around you. Make it a game. "How many things can I do today to bless somebody?" Big, small; it doesn't matter. Look for them! Let your joy come out in service to others.

Enthusiasm for Your Future

Joy and enthusiasm anchor your future. You still have much to accomplish in this world, no matter what your age or ability. Get involved. As St. Paul said, forget what's behind, focus forward (Phil. 3:13). There's always a prize if you search for it!

3 Keys to Strengthen Your Enthusiasm

First, ignore the negatives. Yes, ignore. Push them right out of your mind. Tell yourself firmly, "I will not be defeated and I will not quit!" Someone will always try to tell you that you can't. (They don't want you to succeed and make them look bad.) Enthusiasm affirms that you CAN. It is a choice made by faith. Emotions follow the decision to be positive and enthusiastic. It is, first of all, an act of will. You will never succeed if you keep telling yourself how much you don't want to do something. Stay positive.

Second, live from your heart not your head. Your heart (spirit) is connected to Divine Spirit. God is the infinite Source and Wisdom for every dream and vision. Think: God inside. He placed those dreams and desires inside you. He wants you to have them. Keep your focus on His plan, and move forward, one step at a time. If you give in to your own mind-chatter (all those negative thoughts than run 'round in your head), enthusiasm becomes fear and doubt. Negative thoughts (followed by negative emotions) stop focused activity. Like the first step, you must DECIDE which side you're on - "Yes, I can!" or "No, I can't."

Third, don't be afraid to laugh - at yourself, at your setbacks, at the roadblocks that try to stop you. Laughter releases stress and gives you a fresh outlook on your situation. If you train yourself to laugh despite the circumstances, you can never be defeated. Laughter is an outward expression of inward joy and optimism. It is medicine for your soul and spirit (Prov.17:22).

Enthusiasm is your key to a wonderful life. Don't allow depression, apathy or complacency any space. Make the choice (and it is a choice) to be excited about life. You will soon find that... the Lord your God will bless you in all your produce and in all the works of your hands, so that you will be altogether joyful (Deut. 16:15 AMP).

Integrity Is The Basis Of True Leadership

Certain traits needed for leadership are difficult to train someone to be. While a quality leadership training professional can identify, qualify, train, motivate and develop a leader, and can teach him many of the needed techniques, qualities, concepts, methods, and nuances, one cannot teach integrity. A trainer may emphasize its need, as well as what, it means to possess integrity, but in most cases, someone either has integrity or does not. I have never met, in more than three decades of working closely with well over a thousand individuals in leadership positions, anyone lacking integrity who actually became a great leader.

1. Great leaders must always place his constituent's interest ahead of his own. He acts not only at certain times, and under certain circumstances, with integrity, but possesses absolute integrity. One can not turn integrity on and off. If someone in leadership says different things to different people, in different settings, he is not a genuine leader. If someone in leadership takes more time and effort blaming others and covering his behind, in order to absolve himself of personal responsibility, he is not really a leader. If someone has to think about whether he should tell the truth or shade the truth, except under the most dire circumstances, he is not behaving like a real leader.

2. I offer hear people snicker at one of my seminars when I discuss being a leader and possessing absolute integrity. They often refer to political leaders who exhibit far less, and make the case that these individuals are in fact leaders. While these politicos are often elected to serve as leaders, they often merely hold positions of leadership. True leaders don't think about politics or popularity, but speak out for doing what is necessary and the right thing to do. If someone in leadership acts more like Pinocchio than like Solomon, acts more like a used car salesman than a man of morals and principles, he simply is not a true leader. Unfortunately, because organizations rarely have a process in place to locate and develop true leaders, they often get stacked merely with often very nice people who ascend to positions of leadership, but rarely lead.

Look at someone in leadership and observe his behavior. Does he say the same thing, even if he doesn't think you are listening? Does he combine the best of intentions with the most honorable of actions? Does he walk the walk, or is he simply all talk?