Marriage - Men, Burn Your Bank Account

In the western culture marriage has a 60% divorce rate and out of that 40% that remain married, how many of them are actually happy?

Let's say for percentage sakes that 5% of that 40% are in fact happy, fulfilled and enjoying their marriage... What makes the difference between the 5% and the other 95%?

Alright you know I was joking about the bank account part, right? Ha ha...

I remember speaking with a friend and she shared with me how her (now husband) proposed to her by telling me, "Yeah so my husband is your typical 'bloke.' One night we were both sitting on the couch watching tv and he said to me, 'Go look in the fridge' and I asked him why and he just grunted. I got up and looked in the fridge and I told him I couldn't see anything and asked what I was looking for. He responded with 'look in the bowl of jelly!' and so what did I find in there? A wedding ring. I pull it from the jelly and look at him, only for him to turn around and say, 'You said you wanted to get married... So there's your ring.'"

Ha ha...

This is a true story, for real!

Did you laugh at this or did you think that it was appropriate?

I'm actually not here today to tell you what's right or wrong, only to ask some questions.

Alright second friend, here's how he told me he proposed...
"I wanted to make it a really big build up event for her so I called her work and told them I was asking to marry her and that could they send her home that day when she got to to work in the morning. I say goodbye to her as usual, and she comes back home to find a note telling her to go to this address. She arrives at the address which turns out to be a beauty spa, and she spends the next few hours there getting her massage and nails done and just pampered. The beauty therapist gives her another note upon leaving and she heads back home only to meet me. I'm there and we hang out at home for a bit as I tell her that I'm taking her to dinner. We get to the restaurant, have a lovely fine dining experience and then I take her to the beach and we walk along the beach and I pickup a bottle and inside of it is a box. I pull it out and kneel down on one knee, and I asked her right there if she would marry me... She said, yes and it was an awesome moment that I'll remember for the rest of my life."

Okay guys, so which proposal do you like better?

Which one do you think she will prefer?

Which one do you think will set the expectation that you're serious about moving forward in the relationship?

Which one do you think will have her feel special and unique to you?

Which one do you think will have her respect and trust increased in you?

Which one do you think will help her to feel even more close to you?

With the first example of the ring in a bowl of jelly and the way the proposal was delivered, do you think that she would ever hesitate to divorce him and take her 'half' if he took the relationship downhill?

What sort of foundation does he set for the future of the relationship/marriage by proposing with a bowl of jelly?

Ha ha...

Versus my other friend who planned an entire day to help her feel treasured, and to build all of that emotion and connection up to one single point where he proposed kneeling in front of her on the beach...

Which do you think would create the most connection and longer lasting 'positive' memory?

Okay so that's the idea of proposing and how by the nature in which you conduct yourself will have a direct impact on her and her level of responsiveness towards you...

Now, I wanted to speak also about what marriage means...

Have you ever taken the time to just sit down and think about what it really means?

It's funny, I always remember the movie Fight Club and the character Tyler Durden in the bathtub speaking about life after he gets asked about his parents...

"I finish school and I ask my father, what now? He replies, get an education. So I go to university, I call him up, what now Dad? He replies, get a job. I work for a few years and do well, then I call him up long distance and ask, what's next Dad? He replies, I don't know, get married!"

It's funny when I think back to that scene, and do you know why I bring that to your attention?

It's because most people do something, because everyone else is doing it.

Without evaluating the reasons behind why they do what they do.

Why is it that YOU would get an education, get a degree, get a job, get married, and start a family?

What's your reason?

Do you even know?

When you dig deep enough, people will come back with an answer that stems from social programming, such as, "It's just what you do, you get married and start a family."

Did you notice the start of that response?

"It's just what you do..."

It's just what OTHERS do in the society in which we live.

If you go to a native tribe in the middle of the amazon you'll notice what they DO is completely different to what we do, including what they DO about marriage and what it means.

Just like when you go to a certain country, in some cultures some women wear a lot of clothing to cover themselves up, and they have certain rules placed upon them when they get married.

In some countries, the women aren't even allowed to leave the country without the husbands permission, and the husband will even get a text message if she's caught crossing the border without his consent!

What I'm trying to get across to you is, what is YOUR definition of marriage?

What it means to your family, neighbors, friends, co-workers is NOT what it should mean for YOU.

YOU and the other person in the relationship.

It's time to stop following the sheep and start making decisions for YOU.

Instead of doing things because everyone else is doing it, start doing things for your REASONS.

In my opinion marriage is...

Marriage is defined only by the people in the relationship in which it was founded.

Meaning, what it means to you, and what it means to her, is what marriage means for the both of you.

So when you decide to get married, it should be based upon what the both of you believe and perceive it to be, not what others think it means.

Some people think marriage means having someone to cook your dishes and clean your clothes.

Some people think marriage means having someone dress in a lot of clothes, and not allowing them to leave the house without your permission.

Some people think marriage is having a commitment to grow together not matter what, through the challenges and successes, and to focus on building a future together.

Whatever your definition is of marriage is important, here's why...

If you don't get crystal clear on your definition of marriage, you will adopt someone elses and guess how that will work out for you? Not well.

Make sure the two of you have clear expectations of what marriage means, and that you're both up front with each other on that.

Otherwise one day you'll both realise you have different ideas on what marriage means and you'll find yourself conflicting and if you don't communicate well and resolve the conflict, she'll take her 'half'.

Ha ha...

But seriously though, if you don't get clear expectations of what marriage means to the both of you (at least to you) then you might as well set fire to your bank account.

Invest in stocks that you know have a 60% no-return rate.

Buy a house in an area that has a 60% chance of Tsunami or Earthquake.

Purchase one sock instead of two.

Good things come from the two of you being 100% with each other.