The Sunday Brunch

On Sunday morning, it has become the custom for the "Ladd Clan" to gather for brunch at a local restaurant along Corydon Avenue.

I am a Dad to three adult children from two marriages; sons Chris and Aedan, daughter Marnie, and son-in-law Jon. This is my immediate family.

I came up with the idea of a brunch a little more than a year ago as a way to bring my children together on a regular basis to help build a stronger bond between them and to give me an opportunity to spend more time with my kids.

How I initially approached them with this idea was to say that I would be having breakfast every Sunday and would really enjoy it if they would join me. No pressure, just an invitation to regularly spend some of what I hoped would be quality time together as a family. And that was it. Every Sunday since, you will find us all together (except on very rare occasions) enjoying both brunch and each other's company, and catching up on each others lives.

It's really quite a dynamic group. It ramps up even more, especially when friends show up for the fun. There is always lively discussion and good natured kidding going on with lots of laughs. Occasionally arguments break out and we work them through. Often advice is given and willingly received. Each of my kids is unique in their own way and the blend of personalities is fun to watch.

Me, well, I mostly sit back and just enjoy the warmth and comfort of my family together. As I watch them interacting, I can also see the love that passes between them and I know that as time passes the bond between them grows stronger and stronger and will remain so after I am gone. Not a bad legacy!

A bonus and spin-off that often comes out of these gatherings is that on many occasions the kids continue on with other activities together and they even sometimes include the old man.

Life's Passages

There are always those times in our lives (stages along life's continuum, significant life events) when we find ourselves asking if what we are spending most of our time on, makes any sense in the larger scheme of things. In other words, is where we are pouring our time and energy congruent with what we value and really serving our true needs?

In answering these questions experience has taught me that invariably family will enter into this discussion.

It would be my guess that if you were to line up a group of people, say between the ages of 30 and 50, and ask them who or what are the five most important things in their life, they would include family on that list. If you were to then ask the same group where on that list they would put family, they would likely say at or near the top. Finally, if you were to ask them if they were giving enough time and energy to their families, most would likely tell you "NO".

If you're one of those people, why do you suppose you have this disconnect?
Well, if you are interested in answering these questions, you begin with clearly identifying what it is you value most, followed up by determining what your particular needs are, as opposed to your wants. Once you have completed this, you then can determine whether or not you are currently living according to those values and working toward meeting those needs.

Whatever course corrections need to be made coming out of these exercises can now be made with the reassurance that the direction set will be congruent with your authentic self.

Hotwired

I have had occasion to move through these exercises a number of times over the years, most often because of significant life events and, interestingly upon reflection, because it just seems to be because of the way I am "hotwired."

The most significant of life events for me to date had to be the double lung transplant I received back in August of 2003, plus the four years surrounding that event, which essentially involved surviving and then recovering. A life event of that magnitude would be more than likely to get any person thinking about the larger scheme of things and I certainly did that, at all levels.

During that process, when I realized, some two years into my recovery, that I was actually going to live and that my life could continue, I began to think strategically, in a way that I had never done before as you might well imagine, about what my life should look like for however long I might live post-transplant (going on 10 years now).

In order to answer the questions I posed earlier and stated, one has to first have a pretty clear idea of what it is they value and just what it is they need. Once this was completed, I needed to then examine whether or not I was living according to the values and needs I had identified. For the most part, I realized that my values had not really changed, but rather intensified, as a result of my near death and recovery experience. However what I did realize was that my needs had significantly shifted and changed over the intervening years. Once I identified this, I was then able to put this awareness into setting and achieving meaningful goals that were congruent with my authentic self.

Among the goals I set for myself at that time were three particularly important ones ---
• to spend as much time as possible with my kids,
• to write a personal mission statement,
and
• to become a Life Coach

Since 2005 I have worked as a Life Coach and enjoyed every minute of that experience. In the process, I hope that I have been able to help and support a number of individuals along the way --- something I value very much.

As far as the kids go, well, that work -- or should I say labour of love ---continues, and the Sunday brunch is an important piece of that ongoing process. Of course, it is always a challenge because the kids are a moving target as it were, with lives of their own outside of their relationship with Dad. And naturally, that is as it should be. So our brunches are about trying to integrate a big part of my life with theirs.

How About YOU?

Remember what I said earlier about stages along life's continuum and significant life events? They can provide life affirming opportunities to reflect on what footprint you wish to leave in the world, if you are paying attention and if you value the idea of being authentic with yourself in the world.

Is family at or near the top of your values list? Do you have a Sunday Brunch booked or some other meaningful activity scheduled with your family on a regular basis?

The unfortunate observation, difficult to argue with, is that when you stop for a moment and look around you, you see a whole bunch of people, perhaps including yourself, seemingly, frantically, running around -- running to work, running to meetings, running through lunch, to the bank, to the mall, to the gym, racing to daycare, running home to take off to football, soccer, hockey, gymnastics, and finally, running to keep up or ahead of everyone else.

Most problematic is that when you stop to take a breath, you notice that you are RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO IT RIGHT, WHEN WILL YOU HAVE TIME TO DO IT OVER ~ John Wooden