There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

The Sunday Brunch

On Sunday morning, it has become the custom for the "Ladd Clan" to gather for brunch at a local restaurant along Corydon Avenue.

I am a Dad to three adult children from two marriages; sons Chris and Aedan, daughter Marnie, and son-in-law Jon. This is my immediate family.

I came up with the idea of a brunch a little more than a year ago as a way to bring my children together on a regular basis to help build a stronger bond between them and to give me an opportunity to spend more time with my kids.

How I initially approached them with this idea was to say that I would be having breakfast every Sunday and would really enjoy it if they would join me. No pressure, just an invitation to regularly spend some of what I hoped would be quality time together as a family. And that was it. Every Sunday since, you will find us all together (except on very rare occasions) enjoying both brunch and each other's company, and catching up on each others lives.

It's really quite a dynamic group. It ramps up even more, especially when friends show up for the fun. There is always lively discussion and good natured kidding going on with lots of laughs. Occasionally arguments break out and we work them through. Often advice is given and willingly received. Each of my kids is unique in their own way and the blend of personalities is fun to watch.

Me, well, I mostly sit back and just enjoy the warmth and comfort of my family together. As I watch them interacting, I can also see the love that passes between them and I know that as time passes the bond between them grows stronger and stronger and will remain so after I am gone. Not a bad legacy!

A bonus and spin-off that often comes out of these gatherings is that on many occasions the kids continue on with other activities together and they even sometimes include the old man.

Life's Passages

There are always those times in our lives (stages along life's continuum, significant life events) when we find ourselves asking if what we are spending most of our time on, makes any sense in the larger scheme of things. In other words, is where we are pouring our time and energy congruent with what we value and really serving our true needs?

In answering these questions experience has taught me that invariably family will enter into this discussion.

It would be my guess that if you were to line up a group of people, say between the ages of 30 and 50, and ask them who or what are the five most important things in their life, they would include family on that list. If you were to then ask the same group where on that list they would put family, they would likely say at or near the top. Finally, if you were to ask them if they were giving enough time and energy to their families, most would likely tell you "NO".

If you're one of those people, why do you suppose you have this disconnect?
Well, if you are interested in answering these questions, you begin with clearly identifying what it is you value most, followed up by determining what your particular needs are, as opposed to your wants. Once you have completed this, you then can determine whether or not you are currently living according to those values and working toward meeting those needs.

Whatever course corrections need to be made coming out of these exercises can now be made with the reassurance that the direction set will be congruent with your authentic self.

Hotwired

I have had occasion to move through these exercises a number of times over the years, most often because of significant life events and, interestingly upon reflection, because it just seems to be because of the way I am "hotwired."

The most significant of life events for me to date had to be the double lung transplant I received back in August of 2003, plus the four years surrounding that event, which essentially involved surviving and then recovering. A life event of that magnitude would be more than likely to get any person thinking about the larger scheme of things and I certainly did that, at all levels.

During that process, when I realized, some two years into my recovery, that I was actually going to live and that my life could continue, I began to think strategically, in a way that I had never done before as you might well imagine, about what my life should look like for however long I might live post-transplant (going on 10 years now).

In order to answer the questions I posed earlier and stated, one has to first have a pretty clear idea of what it is they value and just what it is they need. Once this was completed, I needed to then examine whether or not I was living according to the values and needs I had identified. For the most part, I realized that my values had not really changed, but rather intensified, as a result of my near death and recovery experience. However what I did realize was that my needs had significantly shifted and changed over the intervening years. Once I identified this, I was then able to put this awareness into setting and achieving meaningful goals that were congruent with my authentic self.

Among the goals I set for myself at that time were three particularly important ones ---
• to spend as much time as possible with my kids,
• to write a personal mission statement,
and
• to become a Life Coach

Since 2005 I have worked as a Life Coach and enjoyed every minute of that experience. In the process, I hope that I have been able to help and support a number of individuals along the way --- something I value very much.

As far as the kids go, well, that work -- or should I say labour of love ---continues, and the Sunday brunch is an important piece of that ongoing process. Of course, it is always a challenge because the kids are a moving target as it were, with lives of their own outside of their relationship with Dad. And naturally, that is as it should be. So our brunches are about trying to integrate a big part of my life with theirs.

How About YOU?

Remember what I said earlier about stages along life's continuum and significant life events? They can provide life affirming opportunities to reflect on what footprint you wish to leave in the world, if you are paying attention and if you value the idea of being authentic with yourself in the world.

Is family at or near the top of your values list? Do you have a Sunday Brunch booked or some other meaningful activity scheduled with your family on a regular basis?

The unfortunate observation, difficult to argue with, is that when you stop for a moment and look around you, you see a whole bunch of people, perhaps including yourself, seemingly, frantically, running around -- running to work, running to meetings, running through lunch, to the bank, to the mall, to the gym, racing to daycare, running home to take off to football, soccer, hockey, gymnastics, and finally, running to keep up or ahead of everyone else.

Most problematic is that when you stop to take a breath, you notice that you are RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO DO IT RIGHT, WHEN WILL YOU HAVE TIME TO DO IT OVER ~ John Wooden

College Preparation: How to Stand Out in the Crowd

Just having a stellar GPA and a great high school activity list isn't enough to ensure success in college these days. In order to gain admission to top tier colleges and universities, kids can really shine by broadening their horizons outside of campus.

Many prestigious organizations offer summer internships for high school students, giving them an added dimension to classroom learning and an edge over those who opted to stay home and lifeguard or babysit. Not that those are bad choices, they are just not as competitive if one is aiming high.

The United Nations offers internships around the globe, focusing on UNICEF, Climate Change, and any number of current global issues. Not only does it look good on paper, it really gives a global perspective to kids that have not been out of the United States.

The Smithsonian also offers valuable internships related to numerous aspects of disciplines like history, science and art. Students 16 and older are assigned a summer project and perform valuable work toward that end.

Julliard offers summer programs in music and dance for high school students. While not an internship, the programs further young careers in the performing arts through some of the most accomplished artists in the world, giving kids not only some great skills, but also a good frame of reference.

Museum of Modern Art (MOMA) also does internships focusing on painting, sculpture, and even accounting. However, if one is really into the numbers of business, a Wall St. internship might prove more valuable. Companies all along the first street of finance offer very competitive internships for select high school students. It helps to know someone, so be prepared to network.

Many colleges offer summer programs for high school students with emphasis in a wide variety of disciplines. Those interested in the sciences can get a peek at what various medical careers hold for them through summer at Johns Hopkins, Stanford, Georgetown, and many other top schools. Students interested in engineering can tap their genius at MIT, University of Michigan, or Carnegie Mellon.

American University's National Student Leadership Conference gives students an inside look at the operations around Capitol Hill, the Supreme Court, and the Smithsonian. The weeklong, residential program teaches skills related to team management, ethics, goal setting, and public speaking, and provides a huge advantage to those students focused on serving in public office.

Microsoft, Facebook, and many other computer-related organizations hold internship programs throughout the summer for a select group of students that show promise in the areas of IT, computer design, marketing, advertising, finance, and all things related to the business of running a business. Being fluent in a second language is also a big advantage, as many companies do business overseas and need translators.

Getting an internship or enrolling in one of the programs at the many prestigious colleges offering high school students an opportunity to meet other students with the same passions and interests builds bonds that last a lifetime. Additionally, students begin to see how the world works, from what to wear to how to make it through a five-course dinner. Yes, these internships and programs are competitive, and not everyone gets the opportunity to participate. Remember, however, you don't get what you don't ask for, so get out and ask.

4 Ways to Become a Grateful Gladiator

You are focused on what you don't have and what is going wrong. I know there is a difference between where you are and where you think you need to be. The difference may seem insurmountable. The consequences may be terrible. The whole situation may be overwhelming. You feel like you are losing the fight. Let's not think about that right now. No, I'm not asking you to wish away the reality of your situation. I'm not asking you to launch into denial about how serious your problem really is. Even right where you are, here are 4 ways to solve that problem like you are your own personal gladiator.

1. Stop Your Overwhelm

Even in the middle of your circumstances, there is a reason to be thankful. Before you make a decision, count your blessings. While you are in overwhelm, remind yourself of the things that bring you joy. Don't worry about being in overwhelm, just focus on the reasons you have for thankfulness. I'm not being theoretical. What are they? Think about them. Speak them. List them. Spend some time and energy remembering the things that we all naturally forget. What is going right? What is one great thing that has happened even while these terrible problems were brewing? Name another great thing. And another. And another. Oooh, you just thought of another one before I could ask. Keep going. Thankfulness interrupts overwhelm.

If you don't see anything great at first, that's okay. It's okay as long as you don't give up. Sit with it until you think of something. It might be small. It might seem inconsequential. It might be unrelated. It might be shallow or vein or silly. It still matters. Count it. Make your list.

2. Your Problems into Perspective

Training yourself to see the good helps to put your problems into perspective. You have seen this happen when a reporter interviews someone immediately after a tragedy, a natural disaster, some unexpected devastation. As they stand with the ruins of this person's life framed in the background, the reporter asks something like "how do you feel", or "what are you thinking right now?"

Tell me that it doesn't move you to hear the person share the reasons they have to be thankful even as the ashes smoke around their feet. They say, we escaped with our lives; or this was something we should not have survived and we are blessed. Even though we've lost everything we have, I have my life and I'm thankful for that. Sometimes you hear wonderful stories of thanks for heroism or assistance from a total stranger that came to their aid. Often you hear, we don't know what comes next but we are faithfully taking one day at a time. Even thought your issue may feel like the end of the world, put your problems back into perspective.

3. Invite Your Most Powerful Purposeful Self to Show Up

Don't you want your best Self doing the heavy lifting for you in this moment? That Self is your own personal "gladiator in a suit" on speed dial. The fastest way to call up your inner gladiator is with gratitude. Gratitude is one of the fastest ways to shift you into who you are when you are at your best. Gratitude invites that most powerful purposeful Self to show up and make decisions on your behalf.

Why is gratitude such an incredibly powerful feeling? Gratitude puts you in the right frame of mind to see the next step to take. If you can come from a place of gratitude, you are not coming from a space of fear and anger. Gratitude changes the type of options you see and the options you think about. Your gratitude summons your courage and strength to stick with it another day. Gratitude generates the clarity you needed to step away from something or someone that is no longer serving you. Gratitude gives you peace to feel calm and certain of your next move even if it doesn't make sense to anyone else.

4. Ask yourself, "What Do I Have?"

Now that you have stopped your overwhelm; shifted your perspective; and invited your most powerful purposeful self to show up, let's talk about that issue again. No. No, we are not going back to that hyperventilation and panic. We are problem solving. I didn't ask you what you don't have. Focus on what you have.

Choose to feel grateful even as you acknowledge that you may not have what you want. See where you do have enough. Choose to appreciate the many ways that you have enough. Focus on the abundance and the goodness that exists even in this situation. Appreciate what you already have and all you are learning. Appreciate your determination to handle this the right way. Recognize where things are being taken care of. Appreciate they way you are solving your problems and see how your gratitude gives you the energy to walk away from that battle with a big win.

Imagination and Creativity

Albert Einstein once said that imagination is more important than knowledge. Under the breath of understanding this statement, we can go further and imagine our lives to be more creative in design than what we choose to believe.

"Imagination is not a talent of some people, but is the health of every person." Ralph Waldo Emerson.

The dictionary defines imagination as the ability to form ideas or images in the mind and the ability of the mind to be creative or solve problems. This means then we all have imagination, we use it in our every day life.

Many words are associated with imagination, such as artistry, creativity, fancy, ingenuity, insight, inspiration, inventiveness, informal mind's eye, originality, enterprise, resourcefulness, sensitivity, thought, and vision. Other related forms are image, imager, imagery, mental imagery, imaginable, imaginary, imaginative, imaginativeness, imagine, imaginings.

Benefits of Imagination

Jane Bolton, Psychology Today in her article "'Build Self Esteem and Zest with Intention and Imagination' explains imagination as one of the six functions of our minds (along with logic, reason, will, memory, perception, intuition). Our ability to use our imagination for our benefit plays a major part in our experience of power, self-esteem and joy. In fact, one definition of the word "empowerment" is the ability to assign advantageous meanings to life's events. Facts are facts. But the meanings of the facts we make up, imagine, and interpret all the time. We can't help ourselves--our minds are made to create meanings."

Imagination, including imagery has been approached from serious scientific, philosophical or historical perspectives. Nigel J.T. Thomas Ph.D. is a philosopher, cognitive scientist, and historian of science and psychology who has developed a web resource for the study of imagination and mental images and their relevance to the understanding of consciousness and cognition.

Taking Imagination Seriously

An Artist's View - artist Janet Echelman uses her imagination to capture a windy day and brings it to life in her art forms. She gives an artistic view and on her Ted Talks explains how she found her true voice as an artist. "When her paints went missing, it forced her to look to an unorthodox new art material. Now she makes billowing, flowing, building-sized sculpture with a surprisingly geeky edge."

A Poet's View - To take a slightly more whimsical and romantic view, let's agree with poet and spiritual teacher, Sri Chinmoy who writes, "Imagination is birthless and deathless, its power is inexhaustible."

If we are able to take imagination and weave it into expansive works of art, we can also take imagination and apply it to our lives. The approach we take is to look at a more imaginative way to refresh or reinvent our life stories and see through a different lens that anything that once may have been impossible is now possible.

How To Handle Conflict Like An Adult

It is important to know how to handle conflict like an adult because they have become part and parcel of our everyday lives. In this article, I will attempt to demystify how this can be carried out properly.

It is very possible to achieve a piece of mind. I cannot promise you that it will be easy, however. This is because when emotions run high, things tend to go out of hand. But if you are willing to make an effort and put your mind to it, you can achieve anything you want to. On a lot of occasions, I have found out that the past plays a very big role in determining how you will react to pressure.

If you had been burned badly in the past, the actual thought of it occurring once again will send you jumping high to the mountains. You can try to avoid it for sometime but you are just delaying the inevitable. You will have to face the music in the end.

So what can you do to handle conflict like an adult?

The first step is Just Breathe; it is vital that you learn the art of thinking before you act in order to calm yourself. In your mind right now I know you must be saying that it looks too simple an exercise to make a major difference. My advice to that is that do not criticize an idea that you have not yet tried. If it is that simple, then you should have no problem setting aside a few minutes every day for it. Just look for some place that is quiet and slowly take a breath in and out.

Clear your mind of negative thoughts because they just drain your energy. This is an art that takes some time to be perfect because you will constantly be tempted to think about what you need to do. To try to help these occurrences from happening, remind yourself that it takes only 5 minutes of your time to do it. When you get upset or someone makes you angry, find a safe place and count to 10 right away. This has been proven to be of great help and prevents you from saying things in the heat of the moment that you would later regret to have said.

Secondly, take action; Problems are obviously not solved purely by thinking about them. Some action has to accompany it to make things happen. As soon as you have calmed your nerves, you must be willing to show that you have gotten past the fight and are looking for ways to remedy the situation. Think of possible solutions if it is something that keeps coming up.

Get some advice from your friends who are well-meaning. Should you need to confront a person about a certain issue, make sure that you do it with a clear mind. Avoid letting the situation turn violent. Be wary of the words that you use when you are dealing with your partner. Try to see where they are coming from as you tell them why you are hurt. It is good to always remember that if you plant kindness as a seed, you will harvest kindness in return.

Show Some Kindness; this is another method of showing your loved one that you are a good person in spite of the conflict. You may be asking yourself how this is related to your problems, but I assure you that when your partner sees that you are attempting to be nice, you will feel more complete because they will acknowledge it. If you focus on the good side of a person, you will soon realize that your situation is actually not as bad as you thought it was and that other people are facing worse challenges.

It will help you realize that each and every couple has their fair share of challenges and your relationship is not an exception to the rule. I have no better way of fueling your hope than to let you know that if you are willing to be better than the rest, you will be able to make a change for the better.

I know that how to handle conflict is tricky especially if you are not used to this sort of thing. That is why I am here for you. You can get assistance by following the URL below with more up, close and personal guidance to resolving your conflict. See you on the other side.

Become the Person Who Can Move Mountains Part 3

We all possess important qualities within us. Some people know what their qualities are, and can access them at any time. For others, they have not discovered what they are. We all have the capabilities within us to succeed. Why is it that some people succeed while others don't? What makes us so different? What is lacking? Here are some tips to help you become the person who can move mountains by using the tools that you already have.

Knowledge is power, and having a well thought out plan. Regardless if you are looking for personal or professional growth, you have to take time and devote it to learning. Expanding your mind is a wonderful thing however; you will need to go deep within your mind to find out what direction you want your life to go. If you are looking for happiness, you cannot find it doing the same old things, try new things. Taking that much needed time to become knowledgeable in the path you choose is priceless. Learn the reasons and the benefits of each decision you make.

If you are looking for professional growth you will need to learn how to network. If you are not sure how to do this you have a couple of options; take a class, or hire someone to teach you, or they can network for you. Having a knowledgeable team and actively participating in networking and social media is essential for the growth of your company.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Do you have a career, or perhaps own your own business? Whichever you decide; pay close attention to every detail. When following your career path it is important to get the required education needed for that particular field. The more information you gather, the more prepared you will be. If you want to own a business, do your research first. What product are you selling? Who are your customers? What are your customer's demographics? Who are your competitors? Are they making a profit? Every department within your company is vital to your company's success. You might want to take a course to see what's new in that particular industry. Again, pay attention to every detail.

You can learn so much from your relationships with your parents, friends, co-workers, partners, etc. Your relationships have taught you; trust, compassion, loss, understanding, and love. In those relationships others have learned from you as well. Become knowledgeable in your decisions regarding your relationships, ask yourself important questions. Is this person good for me? What is his/her past? Do his/her actions go along with their words? Is this person controlling or manipulative? If you are not sure about something, search your soul to find the answer. Talk to your family and friends, they can help.

When you have knowledge, it doesn't have to be shown or spoken. It is up to you to share your experiences, and knowledge with others or you can just bask in knowing.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

There is an excessive amount of traffic coming from your Region.

Put an End to Complaining by Squashing Negative Thoughts

Those who spend a great deal of time complaining do a lot of negative thinking. Both complaining and thinking negative thoughts feed off of each other.

When you voice complaints, you're validating negative thoughts. When you don't believe in yourself you are effectively making your life more difficult. You're putting obstacles in your path before you've even begun.

It is time to put an end to complaining by squashing negative thoughts. It all begins with understanding that eliminating a pattern of negative thoughts and complaints can be rewarding.

The truth of the matter is that any extreme emotion and any expression of such emotion can be addictive and can feed each other. However, you don't have to remain under that control.

Learn to recognize negative thoughts. Be patient with yourself as you work through negative thoughts. Reason with yourself about whether such thoughts will enhance or detract from your quality of life.

A Formula to Conquer Negative Thinking

Be firm about personal development - You need to be decisive. Either you want to get rid of the negativity in your life or you don't, although I would think you would. Nonetheless, work on it steadily and address it when it comes up.

Negativity is easy and comfortable for you, but a life without it will make those around you and yourself much happier and your life much easier.

Always be on the alert for negative thoughts - At first you may only catch them when you find yourself complaining. Analyze how you got to the point of complaint. The sooner you catch the negative thoughts, the more capable you become in your effort to stop complaining.

Be a problem solver - You don't need to judge the type of person you are. You need to instead judge what it will take to change your negative thoughts.

Your mind can switch between thoughts quickly, but it can only process them one at a time. If you set your mind on a positive path, it cannot go negative without making a switch.

Making a conscious effort to stay on the right path is important in the early going, but the whole process of thinking in positive terms can become a habit after several weeks of concentrated effort.

Be Responsible for Your Thoughts

There is a misconception that you cannot control your thoughts. This only happens when you choose not to make the effort. If you want to overcome negativity in order to stop complaining, you need only to learn how to recognize when you're off course and to re-apply positive thoughts.

You are in control of this process. This is why it is often, correctly said that you are the one who decides whether you will be happy or not.

You must decide whether or not you want to live a life of circumstantial complaints or a full life of your own choosing. The first step is to stop negativity.

In order to achieve this for the long run, you must stop complaining. One cannot exist for long without the other. Take responsibility, eliminate complaining by squashing negative thoughts.

What You Think About, Matters!

"Wow-aren't you lucky!" "You're kidding me, how did that happen?" This is the response I've gotten from lots of my friends and family, when I told them I'd be going to Florence, Italy for a week (without my husband and two sons).

I have a friend who travels to Italy every year for 6-7 weeks and she has invited me to join her a time or two before. For whatever reason, it never worked out, because I felt for me, it was too hard to figure out how to leave my family, business, etc and run off to Italy. (Read that last line closely, I felt it was too hard, impossible, really).

But the last few years, I've been doing a lot of work on my belief system, which some people refer to as mindset. One of the exercises I did last year, was to create a mind movie, which is a visualization tool using pictures and affirmations set to music to help you manifest the life and business you desire. (You can search mind movies on You Tube, to see some great examples of mind movies people have created)

You then watch your mind movie once or twice a day, so the images, music and affirmations that support the life you are creating for yourself, are always top of mind. It's the same theory as listening to motivational tapes and speakers, or frequently reading affirmations.

In my mind movie, I had placed quite a few pictures of the places I wanted to see around the world, including a beautiful picture from a terrace in Italy. And for nearly a year, I watched my mind movie everyday, sometimes twice a day.

When you see a picture over and over and over, it can really get into your subconscious, or your belief system. So this summer, when my friend asked me again to join her in Italy, I felt it was totally possible for me to take advantage of the opportunity. And things just fell into place, my husband encouraged me, I easily found childcare for my children, I easily found someone to help me book my flights, using my points from a credit card-it all became possible.

So, I don't believe it was by luck, or by chance that this opportunity came; I believe that through the visualization of what I really wanted for myself, I was ready when the opportunity came again.

Your thoughts do matter. What you think about, what you believe, what you put in your brain, ALL matter!

What are you thinking about? Will you be ready when the opportunity presents itself?

What Can Health and Wellness Coaching Do For You?

If you are like many individuals, there is something about your fitness level that you would like to improve? Perhaps you would like to lose weight? Gain strength? Eat more healthful foods? Control a medical condition, such as diabetes? The truth is, when we exercise and eat healthy we feel our best, and this positively influences all aspects of our lives. With a healthy body and mind we feel we can take on the world!

It is often the case that we set health goals for ourselves but have difficulty in reaching them. Perhaps we need help in developing plans of action to achieve these goals. Or we need to reach deep inside ourselves to unearth the true motivators that will inspire us obtain our desire outcomes. Maybe we are unsure of what our health and fitness goals are and we need assistance in creating goals that resonate with us.

A Health and Wellness Coach is a certified coach who works with you to assist you in accomplishing your goals. Through insightful questioning, a coach helps you to create your vision and develop the steps you need to achieve that vision.

A Health and Wellness Coach will:

1. Meet with you weekly (by phone or in person) to partner with you to help you reach on your goals
2. Help you refine your vision of the healthy life that you desire
3. Brainstorm with you to break down your goals into achievable steps
4. Assist you in removing obstacles that get in the way of reaching your goals
5. Support you in finding ways to be accountable to your goals
6. Cheer you on in achieving your dreams!

Benefits of working with a Health and Wellness Coach:

1. Coaching can help motivate you and keep you on track in reaching your goals.
2. A Health and Wellness coach believes that you have the answers inside of you and will empower you to self-discovery.
3. A Health and Wellness Coach is never judgmental and believes wholeheartedly in your ability to reach your goals.
4. Most coaching is done over the phone. This is both convenient and a great-time saver. It means that you are not bound by a physical location!
5. A coach does not tell you what to do. A coach assists you in creating your own goals. This means that the goals you create are doable and geared towards your lifestyle.
6. A COACH IS YOUR PARTNER IN SUCCESS!

How to Control Emotions - Build Personal Strength

Can a person control their emotions? What can you really control? Happiness for everyone! We are obsessed with control these days. Every company, institution, agenda, and family member wants to have some sort of control over us, and we want it over them. We want our opinions to be heard and our needs to be met. We want the control. Why do we want this control? If we are in control we are happy. Everyone is.

How do we know if we have the control?

What does it really mean to have control? How do we really have influence? Can controlling another person ever give me control? NO. To spell this out more plainly, I cannot ever have control by attempting to control another person. The only control I can ever have is over myself.

Leonardo DaVinci once observed:

"You will never have a greater or lesser dominion than that over yourself. The delight of a man's success is gauged by his self-mastery: The depth of his failure by his self abandonment. He who cannot establish dominion over himself will have no dominion over others."

Learning self-control

Years ago I was introduced to DaVinci's philosophy by my father. My three brothers knew how to get a rise out of me in almost every situation. They were the perfect teasers. They had complete control over my emotions and I knew it. It was so hard to handle.

One day when I was tattling on my brother for teasing my father looked at me and calmly, almost like a special secret said, "You know Nicholeen they only tease you because it works." His voice got a bit lower as he said, "If you choose not to be affected by their teasing then they won't have any more fun and they will stop."

I was AMAZED! I really was. Was it that easy to get control of myself again? Could I really just make a choice to control my emotions and control a whole situation? WOW!

My father could have handled this situation very differently. He could have gone to my brothers and made them stop. He could have controlled them because they were controlling me, but he knew there was a higher principle and that I could understand it and do it. I never had problems with people teasing me after that. It just wasn't fun for anyone to tease me because I was completely unaffected. I chose my own responses.

Can people push your "buttons?"

People around the world have emailed me with the same question after my episode of The World's Strictest Parents, produced by the BBC, aired. The question usually goes something like this, "Your son said you don't have any buttons which other people can push. How is that possible? How can I get rid of my buttons too?"

DaVinci answered this question above. You can't control another person without first controlling yourself. My good friend Ernest Justesen said, "The greatest battles of life are fought out daily in the silent chambers of the soul... a victory in a man's heart is worth a thousand on the battlefield of life... The crown of character is self-control."

Once a person chooses to win the battle against their own emotions then they have won the greatest victory of all. And, once a person wins that victory they have the power of influence in any situation. Don't all adults need this power of influence? When should the power be learned? Learning self-control should happen as soon as possible. I was a young girl when my father taught me where my real power was and how to use it. We can teach our children the same.

I believe that each person can effectively learn how to govern their own thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Self-government is being able to determine the cause and effect of any given situation, and possessing a knowledge of your own behaviors so that you can control them.

In order to asses your own behaviors and emotions and change them for the better it is essential to understand cause and effect. I am sure you have noticed grown adults who don't understand cause and effect well. These adults are the ones who yell to get their way, and ignore people to get their points across. I don't want my children to turn out like either of the adults above, so at our house we regularly analyze our emotions and discuss the best ways to communicate as a family.

Control is a Gift

Being able to control our own thoughts, actions and emotions is a divine gift. It is called agency. We get to choose our own emotions in every situation. We can't always choose every situation, but can always choose how we will respond to each situation we are in. This kind of control is the greatest gift we have.

However, just as we have the control over our own lives and growth, we can also give it away. Control cannot be taken. It has to be given.

I remember hearing a story years ago about a United States soldier who was captive in a Vietnam War camp. He was tortured and neglected. He experienced the most humble and humiliating situations but he was joyful. He related that his captors could control his surroundings and how he was treated but he knew they could never control him. He knew he controlled his own thoughts. They could never take that away from him. He could remain happy and positive if he chose to. Nothing was bad enough to lose his self-control over. A person can physically control another person by force, but still emotional and spiritual control cannot be touched. It has to be given away. The soldier mentioned above could have given his happiness to his captors but he chose not to.

Mind Over Matter

My fifth grade teacher taught me the same lesson the soldier learned above about self-discipline by running with us. We would run one and a half miles each day; rain or shine. It was hard and we didn't like it most of the time, but my teacher would do it with us in his dress clothes even. He would run past us and gently say, "Mind over matter, mind over matter." Thank you Mr. Whiting! I was listening. Not only did I learn I could run any distance I set me mind to and think myself though any problem or pain, like childbirth and chronic back pains, I learned that my mind could win any physical situation I found myself in.

Learning a new language

Sometimes learning self-control means learning a new language for communication. The way I speak in parenting or confrontation situations is always the same. I have planned it and practiced it. At first it was difficult to teach myself a new language but I would never change now.

Looking to the future

We can only control one thing, our own thoughts and emotions. Trying to control anyone else will always be a power struggle. If we focus on controlling ourselves and having the spirit of calmness with us each day will be able to share the secrets of self-control we learn with our children too so that they are not captive by the emotional control of others either. We want success for our children and success comes much easier to those who know they are responsible for controlling themselves.

Releasing Toxic Energies From Within You

When we have taken the time to work through and process all the negative and toxic energies around us and release them into the Universe with love, you will see how much your life will open up. Having unhealthy people in our lives will weigh us down, stop our creativity and dull our passion. If you are feeling overwhelmed and weighted down, take a look around you and see what kind of people do you have in your life. Are they motivating, encouraging, welcoming abundance and moving forward in their life? If not, then they are weighing you down. Do you know that having unhealthy people in your life can make you put on weight? Yes, you are carrying the weight of all the negativity that surrounded you.

Once you release all those negative energies, watch the weight melts off of you. See your life opening up to endless abundance and possibilities. Look how much freer your Mind, Heart and Soul becomes. Soon you will be skipping down the Highway of Life.

NO ONE deserves to be unhappy forever. I refuse to wear sackcloth and ashes forever to my dying days. There comes a point where I forgive myself for everything that I have done in my life, instances where I engaged in something "unholy" because of my then emotional state. There comes a time when I stop pointing fingers at others and blame them for making me unhappy. I work through my pain and release all bitterness in me. I refuse to wallow in self-pity and self-flagellation forever just to make someone else happy. I do not put my happiness into the hands of others. There comes a time when I stop feeling bad and start dancing and moving to the beat of my life. Have I caused pain to others? I'm sure I have, but it still comes down to this - I'm not going to beat up myself forever and stay sad, downtrodden walking around with a halo of thorns on my head and ripped robe. Sorry, I'm not going to offer myself as a sacrifice. You, Me, Each and Every one of us is responsible for our own individual happiness.

When someone hurts you deeply it is human nature to want them to fix things and make you feel better. While it is understandable, you are setting up yourself for more pain and hurt. You are giving that person your power. They are not your parents. It is up to you to take care of your own happiness because if you constantly look to someone else to make you feel better you will become co-dependent. Your happiness is now tied up into that person.

However, when you take control of your own feelings and emotions it does not matter what the other person does or doesn't do. And because you are no longer attached and dependent on them you can decide whether to stay or leave. Instead of being a child who is dependent on their parents for their emotional well-being, become an Adult, become Whole in Yourself and be responsible for your own emotional self and emotional health.

Nothing Ever Happens to You - Things Happen Because of You

You are all involved in influencing the outcomes you see in your world, whether you believe you are or not. From the moment you wake up every day you are influencing or at least trying to influence the people around you, to conform to meet your needs and expectations. You use many different guiles, to influence people to do things the way you want them done. Whether it be a request from you to your spouse to make you a cup of coffee in the morning, whilst they are busy making one for themselves, or you making a cup of coffee for them, so that they will warm to you in the morning etc. You are continually involved in some form of influence or other throughout your day.

The more skilled you are at influencing people to support you to enjoy any outcome, which is favourable to you, the better the quality of life you will lead. Remember the way your life turns out five years from now, will not be as a result of the things that happened to you, but rather, they will be a result of the things that happened because of you. Commit 100 % to your future and believe in yourself and you can begin to mould any future you desire.

Positive Influence
Yes it is possible to manipulate the people around you, so that you always get your way. The challenge with this is that it is never sustainable in the long term. You cannot manipulate people in a one-sided fashion, where there is no fair exchange and expect the relationship to be sustainable. On the other hand, when you are always focused on encouraging a positive outcome with the people around you, as you attempt to influence any situation, where you are always looking for ways to be of service and you always ensure there is a level of fair exchange. You will over time build trust with people and any relationship will be sustainable.

Success is a Result of What you do for people, not to them
The level of success you will enjoy in your life or business is directly proportional to your commitment towards helping people get what they want. For example if you are in sales, prospecting becomes simple and building trust and connection with your prospects is a cinch, when you are authentically committed to helping people solve challenges or satisfy needs. When you are in a modality of always looking for ways to be of service to people, they will feel your genuineness and commitment and see your desire to always provide them with the best solution. Rather than feeling pressurised to engage with you in a single one sided transaction, they will want to build a long term mutually beneficial relationship with you.

As Zig Zigler so aptly said, "You can have everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want". Your commitment to always be of service and to ensure that there is always a level of fair exchange between you and the people around you will ensure that you develop an understanding of their needs and will allow you to ensure that your product or service is exactly what they need.

Listen Twice as Much as you Speak
If you truly want to be of service to the people around you or to your customers, it is crucial that you master the art of listening. If you are busy thinking about what you are going to say next, instead of truly listening, when the people around you or your customers are speaking, you will miss the most crucial part of what they are trying to tell you. This means that you will be unable to connect with them or understand their real needs. You need to really listen to what people are saying, because it is not always their words that will reveal their need, it is often understanding their perceptions or interpreting hidden meanings, which will reveal their true needs and desires.

You can never interpret the deeper meaning, within any conversation, if you are self-centred and thinking about what you are going to say next. If you want to become someone who can positively influence situations, where they are mutually beneficial to both parties, then you must slow down, focus and pay sincere attention, when other people are speaking. Once you master the art of listening, you will have mastered the art of positive influence.

Don't Deny, But Overcome The Negatives

Having a positive attitude does not mean that you live your life with rose - colored glasses, denying that there is anything wrong. It also does not mean that you have to be an apologist for the ways things are, and the way things are being done. Rather, being positive means seeing things as they are, but taking actions in a proactive, timely manner, to transform adversities into opportunities. It is not being negative to see that things are functioning in a less than optimal manner and to say that something is wrong or askew, or could be done better. It is only being negative when your attitude and actions are less than constructive in nature, and all you do is dwell on the negatives without taking actions to change things, and to improve the situation.

1. For over thirty years, I have professionally trained and consulted to over a thousand people either on a leadership path or in positions of leadership. During that same time, I have given many hundreds of seminars, training programs, etc., on topics related to self - improvement. I have observed that, at many times, individuals overcompensate for negative tendencies by accusing anyone who disagrees with the masses or the leaders' positions, of being negative. In fact, negativity has very little to do with agreement or disagreement, and even less to do with conformity and accepting things as they are. Only if one's automatic reaction is that something cannot be done, or if the attitude is one of looking for what's wrong, rather than evaluating ideas in terms of the bigger picture, is it being and acting negative. Both great leadership, as well as self - improvement, demands that one question everything, while maintaining an open mind. While it is negative to reject something out of hand, or because that's not the way it's done, or it's not the way one personally believes and feels, it is always constructive to examine everything to come up with ways to improve and do things better.

2. While a positive can - do attitude is perhaps one of the most essential ingredients to personal success, being positive is a state of mind, and an approach to life, not simply espousing certain positive phrases or rhetoric. Being positive never means blindly agreeing or refusing to question. Doing that is both dangerous and irresponsible. Positive people are those that look for ways to get things done, and do so, rather than being negative, and approaching challenges or obstacles from the point of view that it is impossible.

Most people who have not succeeded will tell you that it wasn't their fault, but rather that the task was impossible, unrealistic, or couldn't be done. However, those that actually succeed find ways to make the difficult possible, and understand that something is only impossible until it is done successfully!

What Age Is Old Age?

As an amateur sociologist and image consultant, this question intrigues me especially as anti-aging is a massive world-wide movement and a billion dollar industry.

In the magazine that came with my local paper, it was quoted that 40 is the age we no longer consider ourselves young. The same small item said that many people believe that 59 is the start of old age. A survey of American baby boomers that was quoted in Super Brain by Deepak Chopra & Rudolph E Tanzi, indicated that they believed that old age begins at 85.

My friend, Gail, kept telling her mother that she was not old until she reached 90. A number of years ago I read that old is anyone 10 years older than you although as we get older, I think that the gap widens to 20 or even 30 years older than you. Lastly there are those attempting to defy old age through plastic surgery.

40, 59, 85, 90 or never! When does old age begin?

From my personal observations, some people act old at a young age and never change and some stay young-at-heart until their final breath.

Does a rose ever think - Help! My petals are turning brown and sagging! Was that a petal that just fell off? No! I do not want to get old! It accepts the natural cycle of being a rose.

The difference is that we humans can think about aging and worry, fret and panic about what might or might not happen. I hear these words so often - getting old is terrible. Sometimes they use much stronger words that those.

I much prefer the sentiment that getting old is not for wimps. Becoming a grumpy old woman and associating with grumpy old men is not on my agenda. I am treating old age as a new adventure. That is why I love learning new things, teaching them to others and creating my own baby boomer business. This age is full of so many interesting possibilities that you can tap into and connect with like-minded people all around the world.

Some people grow their limited and depressing view of life while others expand their fascination with living.

When will you say - I am now in old age?

For me, I shall admit my body is old when it reaches 90 but I shall be laughing, learning and dressing modern my way til my very last breath on this planet.

How Life Coaches Can Learn From the Movie The King's Speech

I'm a big fan of using movies and their prevalent themes to demonstrate valuable lessons we can integrate into our own lives. The King's Speech is one I refer to often. This remarkable movie stars Geoffrey Rush (Shine, Quills) as Lionel Logue, Helena Bonham Carter (Alice in Wonderland, Great Expectations) as Queen Elizabeth II, and Colin Firth (Pride and Prejudice, Love Actually) as Albert, "Bertie", the Duke of York, the stammering noble who would come to stir the confidence of a war-torn nation as King George VI.

Plan First, Then Take Action
When the Duke of York arrives at Lionel's office for the first time, he is greeted by a young boy - another of Lionel's clients - who struggles endearingly through a rehearsed greeting. We see the Duke is obviously moved by this, though he remains silent as the young lad works his way to the final word. Those of us who have witnessed how sweet and tender the Duke is with his own daughters have to wonder if he is thinking of his children, or his own childhood.

Whether this brief exchange is intentionally staged for the sake of the Duke, or simply another exercise with one of his clients, is unknown to the viewer, but Lionel immediately sets the tone for the potential success he can experience if he chooses to work with yet another expert. After all, when that young boy started with Lionel he couldn't speak a word. Watching Lionel confidently demonstrate the sort of success the Duke can expect, without being boastful or obvious, is a thing of beauty.

Boosting Confidence Requires Confidence
Doubts are bound to happen, for client and coach alike, and we see this happen to Lionel as well. The pressure seems sometimes insurmountable as Lionel comes to realize the great man "Bertie" could become if he ascends to the throne. Yet Lionel remains attentive to the needs of his client first, as a human struggling to exorcise a lifetime of hurt, not as the would-be king who could stir a Nation with his voice.

The lesson to take away from this is Lionel never gives up, and more importantly, never doubts the chance for the Duke's success. Lionel knows that Bertie can overcome his challenges because he's worked with others who have been equally bad off, or worse. Each individual moves at their own pace, remain attentive to the journey and have faith you can reach the destination.

6 Coaching Insights to Glean From The King's Speech
· Set a level playing field- Lionel sets the tone straight away by insisting that meetings take place in his office, and they call one another by familiar first names, no matter how lofty the title or protocol which might demand otherwise. Lionel's simple comment of "my castle, my rules" demonstrates Bertie will need to step outside his comfort zone to achieve success. When an imbalance of power exists between a coach and client it's difficult to achieve the necessary environment of comfort and peace.

· There's no "I" in Team - Bertie's supportive wife played an equally invaluable role in Bertie's coaching as Lionel's sometimes-whacky methods of training. Though Lionel doesn't reveal the identity of his client to his family, we see that Lionel enjoys his own support circle as well Lionel is committed to Bertie's success, and works intensively with him, but not at the risk of his own need to grounded, objective, and centered. A good coach recognizes that a strong support system equals a springboard to success and invites these trusted people to be involved in the journey.

· Be Human - No matter one's levels of degrees, birthright, or status, at the end of the day we are all just people trying to do our best. Lionel and Bertie established a long working relationship built upon mutual trust and acceptance, something which was established early on when Lionel insisted they not only meet in his shabby office, but they also address one another on a first name basis. Even though your clients will seek you out as a source of strength and guidance, it's important to relate on a level of one person to another, no more, no less.

· Learn From Experience- Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Lionel's thirty years of experience was the very thing Bertie needed when riddled with the sorts of doubts and flares of temper which are natural to all healing experiences. When most novice coaches would cut and run in the face of verbal abuse and heightened emotion, Lionel provides a blend of tough love and unflappable calm, the likes of which can only come from years of working with others.

· Be Flexible and Innovative - Lionel's methods of working are kooky, even counter to the suggestions of Bertie's physician (smoking relaxes the larynx - ha!), but he approaches each task with the comfortable ease of one who knows his stuff. A great coach recognizes that not every client is the same and what works for one may not work for another.

· Take the Risk of an All or Nothing Approach -Perhaps what makes Lionel so admirable is the way in which he engages fully with Bertie. While most individuals in Bertie's environment bow and supplicate to the Duke in some fashion, Lionel speaks to him as an equal, in sometimes brutally direct terms. The sort of trust required for this sort of difficult communication can only be built over time, through being completely open and authentic.

There is No Substitute for Hard Work
In the course of just a few hours we witness Bertie's transformation from the stammering Duke Albert, to the poised and eloquent King George VI. The truth of the matter is Lionel and Bertie worked together for a decade before delivering the speech upon which this wonderful movie is based. They also continued to work together as coach and friends for many years after. We often hear that people enter our lives for a season, a reason, or a lifetime. Though your clients seek you for a reason, and may only last a season, be ready to work with them for a lifetime.

What Is Emotional Fitness?

In the dating and seduction community there is a concept that nobody actually talks about and that is emotional fitness. Emotional fitness is a person's ability to deal with challenges that life presents in an optimistic approach. It's the ability to be in control of your actions and choices and having inner strength to be all that you can be. A person who is emotionally fit is able to stay calm when their hot buttons are pushed. A guy who is emotionally fit is able to stay cool and calm when a girl responds in a way he did not expect.

Ways to Develop Emotional Fitness

Do exercises at least 10 minutes every day- Physiology could be the cause of the many emotions you might be having at the moment.Exercising before you start your day will stimulate your metabolism and helps you think clearly. Exercising also helps get rid of negative emotions to help you stay positive and energetic throughout the day

Avoid sitting the whole day-Sitting all day long could lead to the buildup of negative emotions. Stand up, stretch or take a walk to help clear your mind of any negative feeling. Negative feelings build up when you are sitting more than when you are out and about.

Another simple yet effective way to ensure you develop emotional fitness is breathing deeply and taking enough water. Breathing deeply will help you calm down if you are in an anger fit. Breathe in and count up to five before you react to a situation.This will help you be in control of the situation rather than responding without thinking and regretting later. Ensure you do a few deep breathing exercises for your well-being throughout the day. Drinking enough water will remove toxins from the body for the normal functioning of the body. Not taking enough water will make you cranky and will diverge you from being emotional fit.

Say out loud the things you are grateful for. This will help take your focus from negative emotions and self talk. When you are truly grateful for everything good that you have achieved in your life, it's hard to be upset as being aware of great things that you have achieved will give you positive feelings. There are many things you could be grateful for from being able to see and admire what nature has to offer to having a good family or parents that care and love you. We all have different things that we are grateful for and it's up to you to choose the ones you want to recite and focus on.

Most of the time and when you can, only talk to people who are positive emotionally often. Emotions are transmittable and it's not easy to stay positive and strong-minded in difficult times when the people who are around you are angry, resentful or scared. If you can avoid negative people and stay around positive people.

Emotional fitness should not be underestimated, it's often disregarded, but it affects all aspects of your life.

Become the Person Who Can Move Mountains

We all possess important qualities within us. Some people know what their qualities are, and can access them at any time. For others, they have not discovered what they are. We all have the capabilities within us to succeed. Why is it that some people succeed while others don't? What makes us so different? What is lacking? Here are some tips to help you become the person who can move mountains by using the tools that you already have. This is an 8 part blog series.

Self-esteem-Some people have a ton of self-esteem. They learned early by the people around them that they can do and achieve anything. They were given moral support in anything they wanted to do, and were shown their good qualities at a young age. Their self-esteem was formed with the words like, you can do this, you are beautiful, you know you are smart, you know you are loved, there is nothing that you can't do, etc. The people in their life could have been their family, teachers, clergy, or friends. This initial molding sets the stage for years to come. Self-esteem pours out in everything you do and say, such as your appearance and your body language. It is not just feeling that you have the capabilities, but it is in Knowing that you have the capabilities and the self-confidence needed to do something.

When you were little, each time you were praised for something, your self-esteem rose. For some they don't know what that feels like. Just know that it doesn't matter what part of the world you come from, skin color, language, nationality, sex, age, rich or poor; you can move mountains!

If your self-esteem is lacking, you will have to rebuild the image you have of yourself. This will take work on your part, but you owe it to yourself to do it. Tell yourself daily that you are smart, capable, and worthy of all the wonderful things that this life has to offer. Make a list of all the qualities you possess, some examples are; kind, smart, great at math, giving, etc. Each day read the list, and add more qualities to it. Dedicate a portion of your day in the morning and at night to go over your list. Boost your self-esteem by constantly reinforcing your awesome qualities. Remain dedicated to this process; this is the first part of many, in transforming your life. If you are having a bad day, this is great for lifting your mood instantly. Realize that you have the skills to do anything that you want in this life; it is a matter of choice. You are worthy of all these things and so much more; love, success, a career, etc. Just knowing that you have the ability to succeed, means that you are half-way there. Success means whatever you want it to be; a loving family, financial, career, self-improvement, helping others, etc. You have to have the determination, the will, and enough faith in yourself, to succeed. Every chance you can, think of something positive about yourself, soon others will too. You have what it takes to move mountains!

Strong, Effective Leadership Is Better Than Weak, Ineffective Leadership

Leadership has been described as a process of social influence in which one person can enlist the aid and support of others in the accomplishment of a common task (Wikipedia).

To be a leader at the company or organization means to be a strong, effective, smart, all-round, ambitious person. Real leaders consistent with these features.

But there are a lot of weak, ineffective, selfish leaders, who want to manage subordinates, to asset their-self through staff.

Let's talk about the second ones - weak leaders. Such people try to find the weak link among his/her employees. He/she only sees different mistakes, negative results and so on. A weak employer wants to show himself/herself from the strong side, but it can be done for a long time.

How to identify - are you a strong leader or a weak leader?

1. The weak employer tries to know the whole situation at his/her company by himself. He/She knows everything because he/she tries to do much work by himself/herself. A strong leader, otherwise, delegates some of his rights and duties to his/her managers. He/she builds a team, which can support him/her with the right and clear information about every step of the company's movement.

2. Weak leaders are always busy. They don't have time to make a call, to think about company's future strategies. Why does it happen? The explanation is simple - you want to be everywhere, to do everything and you don't trust to your employees to make the most important tasks.

3. An effective employer looks for success in others. He/she realizes that employee is a person who can make mistakes. Such leaders try to focus on what has been done well. If something goes wrong he/she tries to solve a problem with employee together. The ineffective leader, conversely, sees only bad sides. He/she focuses on what has gone wrong. This type of employer wants to abase the employee, to show his/her superiority. Strong employers educate and respect their subordinates.

4. Weak employers interact with direct reports. Strong employers interact with his/her team to be a resource for them. Truly effective leaders are enough competent in any side of their business. The secret is that they manage their team in a productive way. They can be simple and discuss any employee's problem, and at the same time they can be like a peer listening to the reports.

So, there are two types of employers - weak and strong. What kind of leaders are you, and what are you to do to improve your leadership skills? Think about these questions and make the right decision.

The Terror That Triggers Protective Behaviors

Have you ever found yourself suddenly feeling angry or scared or shut down when a moment ago you were feeling fine?

People or situations can trigger us into rage, anger, blame, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal, numbness, dissociation, explaining, complaining, lecturing, righteousness and so on. These triggered feelings are generally attached to previous traumatic events, such as:

• Abuse - emotional, physical and/or sexual
• Loss through the death of a parent, grandparent, sibling or someone else who was close to us
• Abandonment through a parent leaving or giving us up for adoption
• Events such as war, natural disasters, rape, mugging, murder of a loved one

Often, the triggered reaction comes from unhealed PTSD - Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - where an extreme stress response occurs due to a thought or situation that triggers the original trauma.

For healing to take place, it's generally important to identify the original trigger. If you don't understand the original trigger, the reactive feelings can seem to come from nowhere. While it is not difficult to identify the original trigger when the traumatic event happened as an adult, it is often elusive when it occurred as a small child. It might also be difficult to identify the trigger when it wasn't a particular event, but rather the general abusive environment in which you grew up.

When you find yourself frequently triggered into an unwanted feeling or reaction, but you have no idea what is being triggered, it's vitally important not to judge yourself for being triggered. You need to accept that there is always fear, and sometimes terror, behind your own protective, controlling reactions, just as there is always fear behind others' wounded, controlling reactions. Being aware that fear, or even terror, is usually the root cause of anger or blame or other controlling behavior can make it easier not to judge yourself or others for unloving reactions.

Once you can identify the original situation, it becomes much easier to embrace the underlying feelings with compassion for yourself, rather than act out on others. If you can remember the original terror, heartbreak, utter loneliness, grief, or feeling crushed and shattered, then you can understand why you want to protect against and avoid feeling these extremely painful feelings.

Even if the trauma occurred as an infant, it is possible to retrieve the memory. When people feel very safe, it's easier to open to remembering deep old trauma. What creates this safety?

Creating the Safety to Remember

Safety can be created both internally and externally.

Internal safety is created when you have done enough Inner Bonding work to develop a strong inner loving Adult. Your inner child has the memories but will not let you in on them until he or she feels safe to do so. This means that your inner child needs to know that you, as a loving Adult, have the strength, love and compassion to remember the trauma and manage the deeply painful feelings.

External safety is created when you are in an environment where another person, such as a therapist, is able to be the loving Adult for you when the traumatic memories come up. In fact, even if you have a strong loving inner Adult, if you believe that you have some deeply traumatic memories, such as sexual abuse, it's best to do the memory work in the presence of a person trained to help you manage the pain. Often, at my Inner Bonding Intensives, participants feel so safe that buried memories emerge - memories that have been triggering them for most of their life, but that they were completely unaware of.

Instead of judging yourself for getting triggered and for reacting in protective, controlling ways, move into compassion for the fact that you are being triggered. Compassion creates the inner safety that begins to open the door to memory.

Can Money Buy Happiness?

Money is an important part of our lives. It affects us in all areas, either directly or indirectly. Money can affect our relationships, our career choices, and so on. What thoughts come to your mind when you think about money?

Many of us are accustomed to think negatively about money. We have heard from our parents that "money doesn't grow on trees." Perhaps you have been told that the rich are greedy and you automatically avoid wealth.

The truth is, money is not good or bad. Money is often used for good things more often than for bad. Think of the charities that help people all over the world with large donations. Money is an important tool in our lives, and is often used for positive changes in the world.

But can money make you truly happy?

Money is just an idea. A piece of paper with a creative design we give a certain value that is accepted by all. With money alone you cannot buy happiness. Money doesn't keep friendships or makes you a better person. But money you spend wisely can influence your happiness.

We all know the saying "Money corrupts the character." But money is not meaningless. It helps you lead a more comfortable life. It's like with your health; you only worry about it if you don't have it. The most valuable luxury money can buy is that when you have it you don't have to worry about.

Safety derives from money and is therefore responsible for positive emotions. Money can protect you from negative circumstances. The best doctors cost money. A relaxing holiday must be paid for, as well as someone who helps you with your work, so you have more time for leisure activities. An advertising agency wants to make sure you buy as much of the products or services, they work on. Money gives you the freedom to decide.

As Groucho Marx puts it, "Money frees you from doing things you dislike."

Money should never be the most important thing in life. It can however enhance your life if you spend it properly. Above all, your happiness depends on what are you doing with your money. Do you spend it on things that increase your overall well-being? Although newly acquired things bring you joy for a moment, this happiness gets lost in time because you quickly get accustomed to them.

According to Mignon McLaughlin's The Second Neurotic's Notebook published in 1966, we all know what to do when a burglar asks "your money, or your life?" But we don't know what to say when God demands it from us.

If you spend your money on your relationships with partners, family and friends, your health and unforgettable moments, money can make your life truly happy.

Three Simple Steps to Make Your Leadership Development More Enjoyable

What gets into the way of the personal development of senior executives? Yes, of course, they themselves. But what specifically?

Leadership Development and Executive Coaching are some sort of adult learning. One might assume that the more senior - which often equals "older" - a person is, the less receptive to learning they might be. According to my observations as executive coach, that is not the case though.

Willingness to change or lack of intelligence is not an issue either. Executives who receive coaching are smart, ambitious, and ready to change. Overusing these strengths however is what gets into the way of their personal growth. Or more precisely: it makes the their own leadership development less enjoyable and more stressful.

The three major obstacles in the leadership development of executives are

• a lack of understanding what specifically needs to be developed
• a lack of understanding how learning processes really work, and
• a lack of measurement of progress.

The frustration starts with not knowing what needs to be developed, often referred to as the stage of unconscious incompetence: a manager wants to deliver better results, he/she wants the team to work more autonomously, or he/she may prepare to take the next career step - but he/she has not identified yet what exactly needs to be improved.

Tools like 360 degree feedbacks, stake holder interviews, or an MBTI assessment may easily give you the answer to what gaps need to be closed. Once people have understood what has been keeping them from being more successful, they have moved to the next stage of competence development: conscious incompetence. They know now what has been holding them back, and they understand what they have to do to improve. And so they also get to the next stage of frustration because their ambition gets into the way: once they know what needs to be done, they want change to happen instantly. That's good as far as motivation is concerned. However, lacking the understanding how learning processes work, the leadership development process turns out frustrating and tedious. Ambitious managers want to achieve perfection in a new skill overnight but this is just not going to happen.

Strangely though, everyone seems to accept that skill development in other areas need time: running a marathon, playing the piano, or learning a new language. But when it comes to leadership development, managers give in to the reality distortion field, and they want to change the whole world in a week. Or less.

It's amazing how adaptable we humans are - but we need to accept that any serious adaptation takes a considerable amount of time. Latest since Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers we know that "the magic number for true expertise (is) ten thousand hours."

Relax, you may not need 10,000 hours to get rid of an unproductive habit, improve your time management, or become better at motivation your team members. But you want to be patient and not set yourself up for unnecessary frustration along the way.

Patient now? OK, here's your third reason for frustration in your leadership development: you are not acknowledging your progress.

Have you ever been on a diet to lose weight? Then you have probably experienced that you were making daily incremental changes, too small for you to notice. Maybe you didn't see how your appearance changed until your pants were suddenly too wide, or an old pal who you hadn't met for a while told you how slim you suddenly were. (Sometimes we may very well hear the opposite comments though... )

The same applies for learning processes: if you don't measure your progress, you may not be aware of any progress at all. And thinking you're not making progress is frustrating.

I was working with one coaching client on time management and effectiveness at work. He only realized his tremendous progress once the time for the annual appraisal had come, and his boss rated him much higher than he had rated himself. What a nice surprise! But imagine how being aware of this progress earlier would have been so much more enjoyable and how it would have boosted his self-confidence. Constantly underestimating your own capabilities is not only frustrating; it may lead to unnecessary and unhealthy anxiety and self-doubts.

For people on a diet monitoring progress objectively is quite easy: they get on a balance on a daily basis. Monitoring your leadership skills may need a bit more creativity, but it's possible: think of KPIs that are linked to these skills or simply ask people for feedback.

In summary, here are three simple steps to make your personal growth much more enjoyable and rewarding:

1. Explore what gaps you need to close to take the next step. Very helpful tools for that are 360 degree feedbacks, stake holder interviews, or assessments like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. A confidant like a coach or mentor can help you plan specific development steps.
2. Accept that every learning process takes time. Rome wasn't built in a day. No one was born a master. Etc.
3. Measure progress objectively by monitoring KPIs or getting feedback from others regularly. Take one step at a time and acknowledge small wins.

Have fun learning!

The Hunt

They knock only once. At everyone's door. If you're quick enough, you catch 'em. If not, they leave you. Not everyone recognizes them. Many abhor them, thinking they're hard work with no real justification that they're gonna work out for the better for you. I recognized them. Two huge ones. I'm so addicted to hard work, I'm making a fortune for myself. My Twitter league is heavy. Nothing but big shots in my following. My self-empowerment cannot be stopped. Haters learn this, the hard way, by being stopped!

They always dress the same: it's gonna take a lot of guts to step out of lane and be the only one, with people looking at you. Some will be staring. Others will shake their head. Some may will even be jeering and laughing at you, and there's nothing you can do about it. So they'll continue. There's no other way to get the best of it, the best of which is promised only to you, when you believe in the faith in it, that it won't let you down. Then you can move mountains and nothing will stop you. People in our way and all their crap will only be temporary, you'll get up every single time you're knocked down, because you're driven!

One way to exploit it is to get excited about it because it is, after all, what it is. Not everyone has it, so you'll do yourself lots of good by just focusing on it and nothing else. I know I'm making lots of money with this, so to this I'm truthful to it and giving it my best because I know exactly what it is. How to get excited about this was taught to me in direct sales. It's a technique professional footballers use, at the highest levels. Basically, when you have a match, the key of the team that want to become champions intently focus on nothing else but the what goes on within the white lines of the football field over the duration of the match. They additionally forget about EVERYTHING that doesn't relate to that goal. This principle is called, The White Line Fever. It's incredibly effective. Professionals in sales use it to bang out top results amidst a difficult operating territory - the market. This is partly how some of the best athletes in the world perform exceptionally in filled-to-capacity stadia with hundreds of thousands in attendance.

The White Line Fever is the most potent of tools to exploit the earlier narration. When this factor comes to your door, and knocks, The White Line Fever attunes you to its exact sound and compels you to open the door as quickly possible and let the wonderful guest in. We've all heard of this guest, though many people missed the guest and so live with a lot of regret. This guest is no other than OPPORTUNITY.

Disclaimer: This article is for motivational purposes. I do not accept any liabilities that may arise on your part, for acting on it. And I include this disclaimer because a blogger who doesn't take legalities seriously, is only a conviction waiting to happen. Any trademarks, service marks, product names or named features herein are assumed to be the property of their respective owners, and are used only for reference. There is no implied endorsement if I use one of these terms, although I do think they're very cool.

Big Glass Door Part 3 - Final

Part 3 of Big Glass Door

What you put into the box or into your room which became your life experience is what you will get out. There is no other way. You cannot pull information from this space that you have not put into the box, that is unless you learn to access the Big Glass Door. Everything that you believe in life right now to this day was either forcibly or voluntarily made a part of your experience. Therefore the clean and clear window that you received at birth is now smudged and dirtied with the negative experiences of your life.

These smudges that are put on this flawless piece of glass which bring you joy every time you look through it are placed there by your parents, friends, as well as what you watch on television, listen to on your headphones, and what is deliberately programmed into your mind on a daily bases.

The very first time you ever heard the word "no" that was a smudge on your window.
The background noise that you hear without noticing through media programming is additional smudges on your window. After some time your window gets so cloudy that you can no longer see through it, it no longer brings pleasure into your experience.

The clarity and focus that was once seen through this window is now dusty, cloudy, and full of fingerprints and smudges from other people that you have interacted with during this experience. Every once in a while we take a paper towel and some cleaner and we clean up a portion of our window. We can see clearly through it for a short period of time until we let someone smudge our window once again.

How does all of this apply to the psychology of Trainwashing? In simple terms, you must clean your window as often as possible. Once your window is clean the information that you see, hear, or experience which smudges the window must interrupt your good experiences in life. The act of Trainwashing is constantly cleaning your window, constantly not allowing other people to smudge or dirty this window which is the mind. Trainwashing is about not allowing you to smudge your own window by the music that you pump into your head which is negative. The hours and hours of television watching not only completely cloud the window but taints the entire space of the box or room that is your mind.

From the time of your birth and even now you have in your possession a sixth sense. This sixth sense is your Big Glass Door. When you are first born to this Earth and into the body that you possess right now your big glass door was open. Now the sixth sense and the big glass door is the most important door that you can have in your room or in the mind space. The reason the big glass door is most important is because this is the door which allows you to attract positive things into your experiences and into your life.

The big glass door that is within this room is, or was previously, opened to fantasy and imagination. The big glass door allows you to manifest whatever you desire into your experience. The big glass door allowed you to sit down with your dolls as a child and create an entire life and experience that was wonderful and dreamy.

The big glass door, or the sixth sense, allowed you to pick up a stick to fight the biggest dragons and to be the best swordsman in all of the land. Until someone told you that he or she did not exist the big glass door housed an imaginary friend who shared your adventures. More importantly the big glass door allowed you to think about a toy or a vacation to Disney when you were a child and allowed you to create and make those things come into your life.

What Leaders Can Learn From Beyonce Knowles

There is something to be said about great leadership. This past weekend was the Super Bowl. This is the national event where we mignons are allowed to witness the greatest of the great in football come together and beat each other to a pulp for a silver ball statute, a blingy ring, bragging rights, and general financial increase. This is also the same event where the masses are allowed to have a 15 minute mini-concert with some of the top names in show business. This year we had the opportunity to witness Beyonce Knowles as the half-time act.

You can argue all day long about why this was inappropriate. Yes, she is quite provocative for a blended audience. Yes, her songs are questionable and the lyrics are blatantly for all things sex. And, yes, she is known to wear barely any clothes. All those things aside, one thing cannot be denied. The woman is a performer and at the top of her craft.

Being that she has earned her way to be called one of the best performers ever, you have to wonder what it is that sets her apart. As I watch things strictly for pleasure or to be entertained, I always try to look at them from a "what lesson can I learn from this" or "how will this help me be a better anything". I did not watch the halftime show while it was live. As I said, the girl is provocative and I was with my family at a church. It would have been highly inappropriate to view it there.

Instead I caught the rebroadcast on YouTube. I try my best to study greatness in action and Beyonce happens to be one of the people I've taken a closer look into. On one of her many YouTube videos she gives an in depth look at the preparation that takes place for one of her shows. Just the amount of professionalism and dedication she exudes in the planning stages is enough to send most of us back to bed. Mind you, the actual practice for the show has not taken place yet. She's setting up the practice for the practice of the show. It's amazing how much she takes a part of the whole concept of her shows.

But, back to the Super Bowl half time show. As I suspected, her show was yet another example of leadership in practice. As I stated before, this woman is the top in her field. She is a performer in her own, confidant in her own abilities to sooth and persuade an audience into submission. Her dance moves alone can get a rise out of any teenage boy. Her lyrics can cause several babies to be conceived on the night of her concerts. In fact, her voice isn't all that bad either. So where was the leadership in this?

She decided with all of that ability to share her stage with two other women who would probably never be afforded the opportunity again. She decided to allow Kelly and Michelle to perform on stage with her at one of the most publicized arenas in the world. Destiny Child was back. All three ladies were on one stage with the slew of backup dancers doing their thing. The move was absolutely brilliant and demonstrative of the highest form of leadership: humility.

Does Beyonce need help singing? No. Does she need help dancing? No. Does she need help commanding a crowd? No. Do the other ladies have stronger voices than her? No. What does she have to gain from allowing the other ladies to perform with her on "her" stage? Nothing. But yet she did it. If you can't see the leadership in that, I beg you to take a closer look.

I aspire to be that type of leader. Beyonce's act showed that she is confidant in her abilities in her field and that she is not intimidated by allowing other people to share her spotlight. She knows that she is the center piece and that there is no harm in letting other people get a taste and feel of what she does and how she does it. Kelly and Michelle will more than likely never perform in front of a crowd like that again. While they both pursued independent careers outside of Destiny's Child, they never achieved the success the group had as solo artists. This was probably their last chance to perform at this level. Beyonce, on the other hand, may very well just be getting started.

What can you and I learn from this? When we are in leadership positions we have to be secure in our positions as leaders. We have to know that we are trained and equipped to do our job, no matter how talented the next person may be. We have to be confident that we can do the job alone if need be, but prefer to lend a helping hand and give someone else a shot. Leaders have to able to perform under pressure flawlessly and give actionable steps, i.e. dance moves, that others can follow or imitate. We have to know how to delegate tasks or lyrics to the supporting people. We have to also be willing to stand out in front and put our names on the line no matter the outcome, good or bad.

Leadership can be tricky and complicated only if we allow it to be. Most of the time we as leaders know how we should act and what we should be doing. If you're a leader, it's because you have an innate leadership ability that others see in you. We can still learn from other leaders. This weekend I chose to learn from Beyonce. I'd encourage you to do the same.

True Leaders Redifined Success

As a reader of my musings, you would know my definition of Leadership. Please refer to the bottom of this page to refresh yourself.

Consciously or subconsciously, most people will refer to success in terms of money, winning or corporate hierarchical achievement. In any case, it refers to making more or being more in reference to others.

I believe, this emanates from a human condition of less-than, of inadequacy, fear and shame that puts us on a never ending path of futility, chasing that which will not bring us true happiness. True success, I believe is being the best of who we can be in those areas of our passions and essence, when we are in our element. Somebody defined success as "wanting what I already have!"

When we use externals as measures for success, all we are doing is punishing ourselves be establishing success criteria that refer us to third-parties, a formula for unhappiness. If the measure of success is money, then if we do not have enough, we have failed, and how much is enough anyway. If the next promotion is the measure of our success, then, if a third party chooses not to promote us, we are placing the measure of success in the hands of another. If we define success as winning a race, then there are endless permutations that will give us, or not, the result we expect, and so, again, we place our success in the hands of others or third party conditions.

Now, I am not saying that there is anything wrong with money, winning or corporate achievement. However, if we link success (and happiness) to these outcomes, then we are handicapping ourselves.

Leadership comes from deep within us. It is the externalising of that gift that we were born to be. It is that childlike energy that does not fear or even understand the concept of being shamed or being ridiculed. It is based on self-respect and the respect of the opinion of others but that does not allow the opinion of others to conclude that by conclusion we are wrong.

It is also that confidence that allows us to accept 3rd party opinions of us and is able to dispassionately take from it that which serves us and discount the rest.

A true leader, motivates themselves and others by expecting the best of themselves and others and creates environments where mistakes are a positive element of progress. They do not pejoratively compare and understand that the richness of the differences are what makes their environment an enjoyable success.

In our definition, Leaders are those that create Leaders and Leadership starts with one owning the responsibility of taking a Lead in their own life! Whether you know it or not, you are a Leader! Leaders exist in all walks of life. They are mothers, CEOs, volunteers, spiritualists, care-givers, receptionists, and the list goes on. However not all these role players are Leaders. http://www.aldogrech.com

What Age Is Old Age?

As an amateur sociologist and image consultant, this question intrigues me especially as anti-aging is a massive world-wide movement and a billion dollar industry.

In the magazine that came with my local paper, it was quoted that 40 is the age we no longer consider ourselves young. The same small item said that many people believe that 59 is the start of old age. A survey of American baby boomers that was quoted in Super Brain by Deepak Chopra & Rudolph E Tanzi, indicated that they believed that old age begins at 85.

My friend, Gail, kept telling her mother that she was not old until she reached 90. A number of years ago I read that old is anyone 10 years older than you although as we get older, I think that the gap widens to 20 or even 30 years older than you. Lastly there are those attempting to defy old age through plastic surgery.

40, 59, 85, 90 or never! When does old age begin?

From my personal observations, some people act old at a young age and never change and some stay young-at-heart until their final breath.

Does a rose ever think - Help! My petals are turning brown and sagging! Was that a petal that just fell off? No! I do not want to get old! It accepts the natural cycle of being a rose.

The difference is that we humans can think about aging and worry, fret and panic about what might or might not happen. I hear these words so often - getting old is terrible. Sometimes they use much stronger words that those.

I much prefer the sentiment that getting old is not for wimps. Becoming a grumpy old woman and associating with grumpy old men is not on my agenda. I am treating old age as a new adventure. That is why I love learning new things, teaching them to others and creating my own baby boomer business. This age is full of so many interesting possibilities that you can tap into and connect with like-minded people all around the world.

Some people grow their limited and depressing view of life while others expand their fascination with living.

When will you say - I am now in old age?

For me, I shall admit my body is old when it reaches 90 but I shall be laughing, learning and dressing modern my way til my very last breath on this planet.

Life Is Not About Finding Yourself - It Is About Creating Yourself

For a long time, I believed that life was about finding myself. I thought that there was a purpose I had to fulfill, and I that had to search the world to find out what that purpose was. After a long time of searching, and feeling lost, I one day decided to give up. Believe it or not, giving up on finding myself was the best thing I did for myself at the time. Why, because when I stopped looking for myself, I actually found myself.

So many of us have been told to discover our destiny or find our purpose. However, how much better would life be if people told us to focus on being ourselves? What if somebody told us to go for the things that we like and want? What of somebody told us to be the person we want to be?

Well, I am here to tell you that life is not about finding yourself; rather it is about creating yourself. It is not about trying to figure out what you want to do; it is about being glad about what you like to do. It is about going for what will make you happy when you achieve or have it. On that note, here are some thoughts to help you understand how and why life is about creating yourself.

First of all, we did not start our lives off in a lost state of mind. When we were children, we all had dreams and goals. We all wanted to grow up and be somebody special. As we got older, some of those dreams seemed to fade away as we faced challenges. Some of us fell in love with new things as we met new people and experienced new atmospheres. Some of us even stopped dreaming altogether and allowed the circumstances of life to dictate our future. However, for those of us that kept dreaming, we maintained our creativity. With that, we were still able to be true to ourselves.

Next, when we were young, we were told that it is important to be educated. We were made to go to school to learn how to read, write, and do math. We did this because our parents and teachers told us we would need these skills for life. They knew that one day, if we possessed these skills, and continually fine tuned them, we could create and awesome life for ourselves.

Last, but not the least, as a child, people would ask us what we wanted to be when we grew up. They did this to encourage us to think about our future. They did this because they knew that it was within us to decide the outcome of our dreams. They knew it was up to us to choose a road to success. Thankfully, they did not ask us questions like, "Have you found yourself?" or, "Have you been looking for yourself?"

As you can see, it is up to you to build the life you desire to live. Therefore, go for the things you want in life and be happy while doing so.

Overcoming Your Anger

Anger is a form of negative energy, which can take over our mind and control of our life. It is natural to lose control in some situations, but if you have no control over your mind and anger is in control, then you are prone to act out aggressively whenever you are rejected, frightened, or emotionally disturbed. People who cannot control their anger should address the problem and seek anger management help from anger management therapists.

Seeking help for anger and stress management is a courageous act and you should know that the doctor's are there to help. If they decide that you need anger management medication, then you should agree to take them. In most cases, anger management medications are not required.

There are various educational materials available on the internet and numerous anger management books that you should read in order to regain self-control. Self-control lets you prevent your emotions from overflowing, meaning that when you are angry you should see what the problem is and then what you can do to resolve the problem, without any violence, either verbal or physical, taking place. This is a powerful anger management technique.

We all know that we are living in an anger driven society. The anger is not just on the population level, but it is also spread on the governmental level as well. There are many underlying problems that lead to an outburst of anger that should be addressed to prevent us from following the crowd:

1. If we have had any failures in our life, the most common reaction is to want to throw things, not respond to anyone's questions and, if we give any responses to anyone then they are in a harsh manner. This can make the other person mad as well and no problem is getting solved, but is getting more and more complex.

2. There are quite a high percentage of people who have problems with substance abuse. Substance abuse is nothing but a step on the road to destruction and most of the time substance abuse is the major underlying cause of anger disorders.

3. In some cases child abuse is also the underlying cause of anger and personality disorders.

Statistics relating to the study of anger show that someone with anger disorders has the ability to kill, harm, injure, or sabotage anybody's life. It is quite evident that when a person is angry they are in a threatening state of mind, because of an underlying reason that makes it difficult for them to cope with the problem they are facing. They cannot control themselves and it is essential that they find anger management help.

But, we should all ask why do we hurt others because of our anger? Sometimes we become selfish and just think about our selves and forget about other people that we are affecting in many ways and are passing on a series of bad feelings. We should consider that problems are like pebbles or stones in our way and we can stumble, but we should re-gain our balance and go on with our journey. That is a valuable piece of anger management advice.

Problems are faced by everyone on a daily basis. If you are at home and are stressed you are likely to be very irritable and if someone asks, "Have you brought groceries with you?" This trigger may be enough for you to go mad and scream at the person to, "go and bring them yourself and do not bug me!"

After this little heated exchange, the fight can gain momentum, but if you will re-gain self-control using anger management techniques, then you will not answer any more and should be thinking reasonably that this is a little problem, which should not be turned into a big one. Fighting fire with fire is not a solution in any scenario and you should know that you should avoid fights where there is no real reason to fight. Anger management strategies that promote mental harmony and politeness can make your life, and everybody else's life related to you more blissful.