Are New Year's Resolutions Really Such a Great Idea?

Why are New Year's resolutions so infamously hard to keep? What makes all those great intentions disappear so quickly? Are we really such fickle creatures, or is New Year's Day maybe not the smartest time to introduce meaningful changes into our lives?

The truth, of course, is that it simply doesn't matter which particular day we choose to implement positive changes, so New Year's Day is just as good as any other. What matters profoundly is our state of mind when we plan such changes, and in this regard, the festive season often proves less than ideal.

Suppose for example you were planning to quit smoking. The cognitive process that leads you to make such an important decision really wants to be firmly rooted in an objective assessment of the pros and cons of quitting versus doing nothing. This decision will impact primarily on your ordinary, mundane day-to-day life - and so that's where it's best taken.

You need to have a coping strategy in place so that when that time of day comes around, when you would normally leave the office and join your fellow addicts out on the street for a cigarette, you know exactly what you're going to do instead. Otherwise, you're sure to trigger some pretty uncomfortable feelings of deprivation and loss.

In this and many other situations, a plan that was painstakingly formulated in the cold light of day is likely to prove infinitely more enduring than one you cobbled together on a well-intentioned impulse, whilst riding high on a wave of seasonal joy.

In fact, it's rarely a good idea to make big decisions while on holiday. It's far too easy to get overly energized by the convivial atmosphere and forget that, in order to achieve your goals, you need to carry that resolve forward through the mundane drudgery of everyday life.

And realistically, what are the chances of that determination you feel whilst dancing the night away with old friends, still being with you on Monday morning as you reluctantly commute into work with a gigantic hangover?

Now, I'm not arguing that people shouldn't bother with New Year's resolutions, just that they should think through the sincerity and strength of their motivation before attempting any significant changes.

There are three basic questions I ask all of my smoking cessation clients:

• How (long have you been thinking of quitting)?
• What (is the worst temptation you're likely to face, and what coping strategy are you planning to use to overcome it)?
• Why (do you really want to quit)?

How, what and why... Before committing to your resolution, try asking yourself those vital questions! And if you still feel confident and adequately motivated to follow through, then by all means go for New Year's Day. But otherwise, why not consider rescheduling?

After all, there's nothing wrong with a well-planned and executed resolution that begins on 1st February - just so long as it works!

How to Develop a Creative Mind

The power to develop a creative mind is sometimes underestimated. This statement may seem controversial but it is not. It is rather a fact. The mind is always active regardless of what we are doing. This fact also cannot be disputed in any meaningful way. Every person should be a witness to this constant activity of the mind. If you look at the past five minutes or so, you will notice that many thoughts have crossed your mind. If you look back three days, then it will be almost impossible to remember all the things that have crossed your mind. All the thoughts that may have come to you within the past three days must be too numerous to remember. This is a hint that every person has the power to develop a creative mind.

Ideas flash constantly upon every mind. Your mind, a storehouse of mental power and unlimited knowledge, is always churning and ready to unleash its creative potential if you help it to do so. Every person has a brain. Where there is a brain, there is a mind. And where there is a mind, it can be creative if the right conditions are produced for creativity. The process of creativity, as with many other human qualities, can be learned.

The development of a creative mind is not a function of the level of intelligence. This means that every person can be creative. The development of a creative mind begins appropriately with the process of self-discovery. Every individual has a brain as we have already seen. All of us also have talents in one or more areas. Some of the talents are apparent but most of them are hidden. Nature is responsible for this distribution of talents. If this were not the case, nature would have done a great deal of injustice to some people. So in the absence of a major handicap, every person can acquire a creative disposition from his apparent and hidden talents. The way to do so is to use the process of self-examination to uncover areas of interest and capabilities.

The ability to do certain things comes to us naturally. Such things are easy to recognize if you are truly capable of doing them. Even so, you will still need frequent practice to determine the feasibilities of the things you wish to do. By doing so, you will also discover whether you can do them with ease or not. Unlike those talents that come to us naturally, many others are usually hidden. The process of self-discovery comes in really handy to bring out those talents you never knew you had. This is critical to the development of a creative mind.

As an instance, if you have never written any article, it does not mean that you cannot write a book. You may have all the hidden talents to be a good book writer. But until you start writing and learning more about that subject, you will never know how good a writer you can be. The same thing applies to all activities. Take a closer look at yourself and never underestimate your capabilities. Use brain-storming and write down a long list of ideas and examine them carefully. At this initial stage, you should be concerned with quantity and not quality. The list should include all the things you are interested in doing and also those things you will like to do regardless of whether you like doing them or not. Then select one of the items and make up your mind to concentrate on it. You will be amazed at some of things you can do when you set your mind on something. The process of self-discovery is an ideal place to start in any quest to develop a creative mind.

If you wish to be creative with anything, make that thing an obsessive need. The idea of obsession is a time-honored way of developing creativity and doing great things. When you make something an obsessive need, you decide that there is a good reason why you must have it. It also means that you make it an obligation on yourself to acquire it.

One thing accordingly leads to another in many positive ways and finally into a passionate indulgence. Be passionate about an idea and you will open many doors of possibilities concerning that idea. The first action that normally follows a passion is a microscopic examination of the subject in question. You develop an unusual interest, which encourages you to learn as much as possible about it. In that process, your concentration and imagination helps to uncover many possible solutions. You may also discover other ways to originate a concept. Passionate indulgence ensures that your passion stays alive and your knowledge about the subject continues to increase. Your creative mind can becomes awakened.

The next logical step in the creative process is independent thinking. Freedom of thought is one of the best ways to find solutions to problems. The premise behind independent thinking is that a mind that is already predisposed to generating ideas will be even more active if it is tuned for more ideas. The mind, which is prompted about a problem searches constantly for solutions to our predicaments consciously and unconsciously at the same time. The conscious activities of the mind are normally obvious and need no explanation. The subconscious activities on the mind, on the other hand, are often not apparent and need a little elaboration.

Your subconscious mind is always active. This occurs in the deeper part of your brain, which stores many thoughts that are not yet available for access. As you think about how to solve a problem, you may come up with an idea to solve that problem consciously by working for it. But consider that some solutions sometimes seem to appear out of nowhere. This happens to all of us. Such solutions may have been in your subconscious mind all along but only surfaced because you did not quit thinking about that problem. Your subconscious mind is still working actively even in your sleep. This explains why we wake up sometimes and suddenly remembering and thinking and coming up with ideas to solve some of our pressing problems.

Take advantage of independent thinking and let your mind wander controllably in search for solutions to your problems. When it comes to ideas, a wandering mind feeds on itself. That is to say, an idea once originated from independent thinking, generates more ideas with further application of independent thinking. In no time, a perfect solution crystallizes and activates your creative mind.

As an extension of independent thinking, the idea of repetition is a proven method of developing a creative mind. The inspiration to do something again and again has many benefits. These benefits are based on the principle that the more you do something, the better you get at it. Practice indeed is what leads to perfection. When you perform an activity and do it over and over, its procedure becomes grounded into the mind. You learn more ways to do it better as time goes on. After awhile, the way to do that activity becomes second nature to you and needs little or no effort. This is how people become experts at certain professions. Repetition promotes active learning, creative behavior and builds up valuable experiences. Experience is usually the priceless knowledge gained from direct observation or participation in an event for a certain reasonable length of time.

All inventors use the process of repetition extensively. When you see an invention, outsiders do not regularly have any idea of how long it took the inventor to conceive and discover the item. As a rule, it takes many trials and more trials to come up with great inventions. Inventors try and try again while all along elevating their interest in the venture. Repetition is unquestionably one of the best exercises for the brain.

Physical exercise, as we know, has many benefits. These benefits translate into good health, which would have been impossible without the repetitious nature of the exercise. In the same way, we get better and better at doing something if we employ the mind again and again at performing that activity. The natural creativity in you also gets better and better the more presence of mind you have on this subject. We learn more and more each time until the point of perfection is reached. Perhaps, more than any other activity, the idea of repetition plays a more productive role in unlocking the mysteries to many of our pursuits. Make use of the concept of repetition. It has too many advantages and all of them are conducive to the development of a creative mind.

Every person has the ability to develop a creative mind. Nature gave every individual a brain and made that possible. Even so, a creative disposition will not come to you as a birth right. You have to take the necessary steps in order to activate your creative mind. In this endeavor, you must maintain a concentrated mindset, imaginative conduct and visionary behavior to harness the creative power of the mind.

Every person should make the development of a creative mind an active preoccupation. Creativity must become an inseparable part of your life. This means that procrastination should have no place in your activities. Indeed procrastination is one of the greatest destroyers of dreams and must be eliminated from all the things we do. Never postpone any activity you can do today. Unless it is absolutely necessary, do not wait for tomorrow. It may never come. Once postponed until tomorrow, you defeat yourself in many ways. Each day brings its activities and it does not help to add them to each other unnecessarily. The postponement of activities is counter-productive to the accomplishment of goals.

When it comes to creativity, today's science fiction often becomes tomorrow's reality. Most of the achievements we see today were inconceivable a few years back. But thanks to the imagination and persistence of some individuals, new inventions pop up from time to time. This process has been going on since the beginning of time and will continue till the end of time. The lesson? If you believe in the value of something, use passionate indulgence to engage your mind, body and soul into it until you realize your dream. Take all the necessary steps to develop the natural creativity in you. Be humble enough to listen and learn from others but never allow any negative suggestions to stop or discourage your drive to activate, discover and establish your creative mind.

For more information on how to develop a creative mind and general self-improvement techniques, please visit http://www.selfimprovemania.com.

I Am Anger

I'm found lurking within pent-up hostility,
A product of frustration and impatience's fertility,
I come to all human beings it seems,
Even in the midst of sleep-bounded dreams.

I come upon you morning, day, and night,
And you can struggle with me despite what you know is right,
Such madness can be illogical - a comprehensive snare,
What you can't put past me is my tempestuous dare.

I am audacious and horribly sinister,
And it doesn't matter if you're a murderer or a minister,
I come to one and all in confounding ease,
I am Anger and I bring you to your knees.

Now, what brings out Anger's horrible effect?
It's the time when we've been duped and lost self-respect,
Despite the commonality we've only ourselves to blame,
For struggling against struggle in Anger's name.

Though I am Anger and I can be subdued,
It takes the restraint of wisdom so experiences are not rued,
Just the ability to see the potential consequences is needed,
If only we can see these and ensure they are heeded.

I am Anger and I'm cause for regret,
Because of the myriad needs that are left unmet,
But when we are aware and honestly humble,
There is no need for our psyches to rumble.

I am Anger and I'm to be restrained,
That is if you don't want to be horrendously maimed,
For, I can turn on you in an instant, just wait and see,
Why would you doubt me when I take away what's free?

I am your Anger and please do not doubt,
I am but a flash away, and I come with a clout!
I am to be respected - in humility's best,
Only truly then can you genuinely rest.

Inwardly and outwardly I need you to be,
Without cause for want of an uncontrolled spree,
I tell you that I, Anger, have come now, it's said,
One hasty move and your reputation's found dead.

I am Anger and I'm so normal to life,
A life unrestrained that might cause unmerited strife,
But when you're patient I will cause you to grow,
That's because peace beyond reason you may know.

I am Anger and I'm here to say,
When you're aware of me, surely, I'll not ruin your day,
Because options aplenty do exist beyond me,
If only you'll ensure the option chosen sets you free.

***

I am Anger and the choice, always, is yours,
Your response is one that either opens or closes doors,
Be aware, then, what it is you control,
And don't be fooled to not know your role.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

Look at Things From the Other Person's Point of View

It sounds like such a simple thing, doesn't it? But it's one of those many things in life that is much easier to say than it is to do.

Look at things from the other person's point of view.

When it comes to building trust and rapport, this principle is one of the top seven that we have found to be important. Let me illustrate what it means with an example.

The other day, I got a phone call from my aunt and uncle. They live out West and I have always enjoyed a close relationship with them. They were calling to confirm details for their upcoming visit to Michigan this weekend.

We chatted, confirming our plans, and conversation turned to my parents, with whom they would be staying for a night. The comments turned quite critical of my mother and her "different" way of handling things, such as people coming and going from her house.

My jaw clenched and my muscles tightened as I listened to them complain about her. I felt myself growing defensive. I didn't want to be disrespectful to my aunt and uncle - they are entitled to their point of view, and at times, I have shared it. But this was hitting a nerve with me. They were not taking into consideration the "golden rule" - I can complain about my mom, but no one else can!

As our phone conversation went on, they sensed my unhappiness, as my responses became shorter and more abrupt. They were confused as to why I wasn't as chipper and chatty as I had been at the beginning of the conversation. Not wanting to offend them, I brushed it off and ended the call.

What my aunt and uncle failed to do in that moment was to try and see things from my point of view. As they launched into their complaints about my mother's housekeeping, her fondness for her cats, and her way of communicating (loudly) with my dad, they did not stop for a moment to consider that while their complaints/observations may in fact be quite accurate, their choice of blunt delivery of them was lacking in sensitivity to how it would make me feel.

This is behavior that happens in the workplace with astonishing frequency. We are so busy running around, focused on our own problems, deadlines and projects that we fail to take others into consideration when we heap another task onto someone else's plate.

"It is the individual who is not interested in his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in life and provides the greatest injury to others. -Alfred Adler

As this quote so accurately reveals, we risk the unintentional consequence of hurting those around us when we don't take the time to stop and look at things from their perspective. Do they already have their own daunting piles of tasks that needs doing? Am I only taking my own feelings and perspective into consideration? These are questions we should ask ourselves regularly.

Because it is easier said than done, stopping to look at things from another person's perspective is something to which we give lip service. Have you put it into practice today? Take a moment to think before you answer that...

How I Came to Do What I Do

For years, little pieces of me got lost in the cracks, in between the details of everyday life. I had this feeling of uncertainty, of something being off. I just knew there was more for me. I searched everywhere for myself. And then I released something, and that's when it happened.

I tried over-educating myself (to prove I was smart.) I tried being a small healthy-foods caterer (to prove I could take care of and nurture people). I tried creating a childbirth services business called Birth Renaissance, teaching childbirth classes, attending births as a doula, etc. (which was closer to my unique abilities, but not quite right yet). I learned hypnosis (pretty cool, but still bypassed what I considered consciousness too much). Next came four years of graduate school in Chinese medicine (closer still and I still love it, but the passion trickled out after 12 years when I realized there was a piece missing for me).

Then, I discovered coaching and mentoring women. Ahhh, it fit like a glove.

When I coach, it is effortless. I end my sessions feeling better than when I started. Not because I'm doing something for myself, but because I'm in my unique abilities and out of my own way. It feels like I am "in the vortex" of what I am supposed to be doing. It just feels so damned right. My intuition runs the show and gives my busy brain a rest. Aaahhh! Resonating with all that is my authentic self.

Don't get me wrong. All of those other careers fed me in some way, and I loved parts of them. I learned so much from each of them, and they still inform my coaching to a large extent.

Some of them were to alleviate my insecurities and made me feel better about myself. In others, I was grasping at straws to prove my worth. Others resonated with me and my abilities in a more deeply connected way. I prayed, meditated, yogaed my way through to finding myself.

I "efforted" a lot.

And then I learned the art of surrender.

It was one particular day, when things were pretty bad, when I simply got on my hands and knees (on the advice of a shaman I was training with - oh, did I mention my two-year training with a shaman?) and asked mother earth to take away whatever was hurting and blocking me... and I cried like a baby. I gave it up. I will never forget that moment, because the beauty in that surrender cracked me open in a way nothing ever has.

What I realized is that one's biggest struggle is one's best teacher. Your pain creates your gifts. Or at least it opens you to them, because they are already there. I am grateful for the struggles and pain ~ they brought me the gifts I use to help other women discover their gifts and beauty.

And so, I learned. And now I give back.

I mean, how cool is it that now I help women fall in love with their lives again?

To be a conduit for another's transformation is the most joyful experience. When I lead a class, I am truly in awe of the women I work with: they are honest, vulnerable, authentic, open, and eager to grow. They take risks. They move forward in their lives.

I know that I have what I call sacred contracts with the people I work with, and they will work with me when they're ready. I know that's not everyone, and that's okay. I feel truly blessed to be able to do what I do, and I don't take it for granted, ever.

Self Help Motivation: Help To Motivate Yourself Better

It can be a big struggle to stay motivated. This is because our drive is continuously assaulted by harmful thoughts as well as anxiety as regard the future. Everyone experiences doubt and depression at times. However, the capacity to keep moving onward is what determines our success in life.

The solution to lack of motivation is rather complicated as even after defeating it, the problem resurfaces at the first indication of failure. However, the key to motivation is to understand your thoughts as well as how they influence your emotions. One can gain self motivation through learning how to cultivate motivating thoughts, counteract negative ones as well as focusing on the activity at hand.

Reasons for lack of Motivation

There are basically three reasons why we lose motivation:

• Lack of confidence: an individual doesn't see the point of trying something when they believe they cannot succeed.

• Lack of focus: when an individual fails to know what they want, then they aren't able to focus on anything.

• Lack of direction: an individual cannot be motivated to do anything if they don't know what to do.

How to Boost Confidence

Lack of confidence comes about when one focuses wholly on what one wants and ignoring what one already has. In this way, the mind formulates explanations as to why one is not getting what they want and this lead to creation of negative thoughts. The mind becomes dominated by past failures, terrible breaks as well as personal weaknesses.

One becomes jealous of their competitors and begins making excuses for their failure. In this condition, one tends to create a bad impression, imagine the worst as regard others as well as lose self confidence.

The only solution to this thought pattern is to focus on gratitude. One should set aside time to focus on all positive things in his/her life. One should create a mental list of his/her strengths, past achievements as well as recent advantages.

Developing tangible Focus

Most people often focus on what they don't want instead of concrete goal. They usually think in terms of fear such as fear of being poor, being alone and of not being respected. The setback with this kind of thoughts is that fear by itself is not actionable. Rather than doing something as regard our fear, it nourishes itself and depletes our motivation.

The solution to this is focusing on a clear goal as well as defining a set of actions to achieve our goals. For example, if one has a fear of being poor, make a plan to boost your income through engaging in various activities. The key should be moving from an intangible want to real, measurable steps. The brain is stimulated through focusing the mind on concrete goal rather than on ambiguous fear as it immediately starts developing a plan for success. Rather than worrying as regard the future you begin to do something as regard it. When one knows what they want, they become motivated to take action.

Developing Direction

Direction involves having a daily strategy to achieving your concrete goal. Lack of direction leads to lose of motivation as lack of a clear next action result to laziness. The solution to this is identifying a set of activities that can result to success. There are usually activities that can lead to success and those that cannot in every goal. Create a list of all activities as well as arrange them based on outcome. Subsequently, create an action plan which focuses on the activities that produce the most outcomes. Keeping track of your most vital activities will result to more success.

In conclusion, you can maintain your motivation as well as propel yourself to success by protecting yourself from the top three causes of lack of motivation.

Be Your Own Nurse

If you are in pain or discomfort, only one person in the world can have a true understanding of where and how it hurts. That person is not your doctor - that person is you, or the 'I'.

If you become able to distinguish the 'I' from the body, then you can use the 'I' to be your personal full-time nurse, and to provide advice on healing the sick body. I often use mine that way, and she always gives the best advice.

Please relax
The first thing she says is "Please relax, and get into a comfortable sitting position with as straight a spine as is comfortable."

My body rebels against this, and wants to do all sorts of other things like playing with the computer or going out with my mates, or getting some exercise, but then 'I' tells my body that it is sick, and the most important thing is getting rid of that problem. Eventually, my body listens.

The nurse asks "How did the pain occur?"

Sometimes I can answer, and sometimes I can't - some things seem to spring out of nowhere while I am sleeping.

Five essentials
The nurse reminds me of the five essentials.

1. Diet - have I been putting any stupid things into my body?

All that is necessary for a healthy body is:

- fruit, which should form the bulk of our diet.
- vegetables, preferably - green-leaved vegetables
- seeds
- nuts
- water

Anything else is unnecessary, and may lead to poor health.

2. Exercise - have I been doing a reasonable amount of applicable exercise? For those in pain, exercise is often impossible. But we can all move a hand or a foot OK, so we should do our best to exercise what we can without hurting ourselves.

3. Sleep - have I been getting sensible and regular sleep, at least six hours and preferably eight per night (nine or ten for teenagers) with some of that time before midnight?

4. Sunshine - have I been receiving a reasonable amount of sunlight, and not over or under-doing it?

5. Love - have I been generating any hatred or fear - am I failing to forgive myself?

If we have taken care of these, the problem will gradually go away of its own accord.

Ceasing to call it a problem
If it doesn't, then ceasing to call it a problem, and accepting it is the answer. This is a difficult solution, but far more practical than filling ourselves with all sorts of weird untested medications.

Go with the flow
If we cease trying to change things and go with the flow, we reduce our stress levels, and hence improve our health.

Remember, no matter what we think of any situation, it is the only way it can be, and is always perfect. 'Twas meant to be.