How To Handle Conflict Like An Adult

It is important to know how to handle conflict like an adult because they have become part and parcel of our everyday lives. In this article, I will attempt to demystify how this can be carried out properly.

It is very possible to achieve a piece of mind. I cannot promise you that it will be easy, however. This is because when emotions run high, things tend to go out of hand. But if you are willing to make an effort and put your mind to it, you can achieve anything you want to. On a lot of occasions, I have found out that the past plays a very big role in determining how you will react to pressure.

If you had been burned badly in the past, the actual thought of it occurring once again will send you jumping high to the mountains. You can try to avoid it for sometime but you are just delaying the inevitable. You will have to face the music in the end.

So what can you do to handle conflict like an adult?

The first step is Just Breathe; it is vital that you learn the art of thinking before you act in order to calm yourself. In your mind right now I know you must be saying that it looks too simple an exercise to make a major difference. My advice to that is that do not criticize an idea that you have not yet tried. If it is that simple, then you should have no problem setting aside a few minutes every day for it. Just look for some place that is quiet and slowly take a breath in and out.

Clear your mind of negative thoughts because they just drain your energy. This is an art that takes some time to be perfect because you will constantly be tempted to think about what you need to do. To try to help these occurrences from happening, remind yourself that it takes only 5 minutes of your time to do it. When you get upset or someone makes you angry, find a safe place and count to 10 right away. This has been proven to be of great help and prevents you from saying things in the heat of the moment that you would later regret to have said.

Secondly, take action; Problems are obviously not solved purely by thinking about them. Some action has to accompany it to make things happen. As soon as you have calmed your nerves, you must be willing to show that you have gotten past the fight and are looking for ways to remedy the situation. Think of possible solutions if it is something that keeps coming up.

Get some advice from your friends who are well-meaning. Should you need to confront a person about a certain issue, make sure that you do it with a clear mind. Avoid letting the situation turn violent. Be wary of the words that you use when you are dealing with your partner. Try to see where they are coming from as you tell them why you are hurt. It is good to always remember that if you plant kindness as a seed, you will harvest kindness in return.

Show Some Kindness; this is another method of showing your loved one that you are a good person in spite of the conflict. You may be asking yourself how this is related to your problems, but I assure you that when your partner sees that you are attempting to be nice, you will feel more complete because they will acknowledge it. If you focus on the good side of a person, you will soon realize that your situation is actually not as bad as you thought it was and that other people are facing worse challenges.

It will help you realize that each and every couple has their fair share of challenges and your relationship is not an exception to the rule. I have no better way of fueling your hope than to let you know that if you are willing to be better than the rest, you will be able to make a change for the better.

I know that how to handle conflict is tricky especially if you are not used to this sort of thing. That is why I am here for you. You can get assistance by following the URL below with more up, close and personal guidance to resolving your conflict. See you on the other side.

Overcoming Your Anger

Anger is a form of negative energy, which can take over our mind and control of our life. It is natural to lose control in some situations, but if you have no control over your mind and anger is in control, then you are prone to act out aggressively whenever you are rejected, frightened, or emotionally disturbed. People who cannot control their anger should address the problem and seek anger management help from anger management therapists.

Seeking help for anger and stress management is a courageous act and you should know that the doctor's are there to help. If they decide that you need anger management medication, then you should agree to take them. In most cases, anger management medications are not required.

There are various educational materials available on the internet and numerous anger management books that you should read in order to regain self-control. Self-control lets you prevent your emotions from overflowing, meaning that when you are angry you should see what the problem is and then what you can do to resolve the problem, without any violence, either verbal or physical, taking place. This is a powerful anger management technique.

We all know that we are living in an anger driven society. The anger is not just on the population level, but it is also spread on the governmental level as well. There are many underlying problems that lead to an outburst of anger that should be addressed to prevent us from following the crowd:

1. If we have had any failures in our life, the most common reaction is to want to throw things, not respond to anyone's questions and, if we give any responses to anyone then they are in a harsh manner. This can make the other person mad as well and no problem is getting solved, but is getting more and more complex.

2. There are quite a high percentage of people who have problems with substance abuse. Substance abuse is nothing but a step on the road to destruction and most of the time substance abuse is the major underlying cause of anger disorders.

3. In some cases child abuse is also the underlying cause of anger and personality disorders.

Statistics relating to the study of anger show that someone with anger disorders has the ability to kill, harm, injure, or sabotage anybody's life. It is quite evident that when a person is angry they are in a threatening state of mind, because of an underlying reason that makes it difficult for them to cope with the problem they are facing. They cannot control themselves and it is essential that they find anger management help.

But, we should all ask why do we hurt others because of our anger? Sometimes we become selfish and just think about our selves and forget about other people that we are affecting in many ways and are passing on a series of bad feelings. We should consider that problems are like pebbles or stones in our way and we can stumble, but we should re-gain our balance and go on with our journey. That is a valuable piece of anger management advice.

Problems are faced by everyone on a daily basis. If you are at home and are stressed you are likely to be very irritable and if someone asks, "Have you brought groceries with you?" This trigger may be enough for you to go mad and scream at the person to, "go and bring them yourself and do not bug me!"

After this little heated exchange, the fight can gain momentum, but if you will re-gain self-control using anger management techniques, then you will not answer any more and should be thinking reasonably that this is a little problem, which should not be turned into a big one. Fighting fire with fire is not a solution in any scenario and you should know that you should avoid fights where there is no real reason to fight. Anger management strategies that promote mental harmony and politeness can make your life, and everybody else's life related to you more blissful.

5 Effective Anger Management Training Methods to Release Your Inner Calm

There is nothing fundamentally wrong with anger, provided you are able to keep it under control. Anger becomes a problem when you are unable to manage it effectively, and your judgement is affected because of it. In this article you are going to learn five effective anger management training methods that will help you to release your inner calm and create a better, happier, and healthier you.

1. Exercise Regularly

You don't need to be Mr Olympia in the gym, nor do you need to exercise like you're practicing for a marathon. However, regular exercise (aim for 30 minutes per day) will help you to control your anger by finding an outlet for your emotions. It may seem a bit stereotypical, but hitting a punch bag really does work to help you control your anger.

2. Give Yourself a Timeout

One of the most effective anger management training methods you will ever learn is to take a timeout. You were probably taught to do this as a kid by your parents, but trust me - it really does work. Count to ten (or twenty if you're particularly angry) while keeping your eyes closed and breathing deeply.

3. Think Before You Act

Closely related to the infamous timeout is the old adage of "thinking before you act". This is truly one of the most important methods of controlling your anger, because it will act to limit any potential negative consequences of your anger. For example, before you slam that door shut and potentially cause some expensive damage, think about the consequences (as well as the fact that positive outcomes are rarely borne out of rash behaviour). While you're counting to ten, take the time to clearly ponder what you are about to do, and whether there is an alternative solution to letting your anger get the better of you.

4. Forgive And Forget

Holding grudges against others is one of the easiest ways to ensure that your anger management woes will remain forever unsolved. If someone has acted in a way that infuriates you, then it is best to try your absolute hardest to forgive them and gloss over the situation. Other people won't always please you or act in your own best interests; the quicker you learn to accept this fact through forgiveness, the better.

5. Spend More Time Doing What Relaxes You

Everybody has a unique relaxation trigger that enables them to relieve stress and anger and elevate their mood. There is no "one size fits all" approach to this anger management technique, so you need to experiment a little to find what works for you. If you find that playing video games makes you more relaxed, then you should spend more time playing video games. If reading books is the kryptonite for your anger, then you should spend more time down at the local library. Although it can be difficult to find spare time for relaxation, you will never regret making sacrifices in order to calm your nerves and soothe your anger.

Anger management training is an on-going process - you do not simply wake up one day to find yourself completely healed of any residual anger. However, by consistently applying the methods and techniques you have learned in this article, you will start on the rewarding path to inner calm, freedom from anger, and a healthier lifestyle.

Patient Inaction for Moments of Anger

"When you are angry, do not sin;
ponder it on your beds, and be silent."
~Psalm 4:4 (NRSV)

Contrasting two pieces of biblical advice - this one above, with Ephesians 4:26b ("do not let the sun go down on your anger") - we see an opportunity for responding well.

In both passages there is acknowledgement of the inevitability of anger. To be angry is to be in a state recognised and accepted by the Bible. Being angry, of itself, is nothing to be ashamed of; it's the outworking of that anger that is usually problematic.

It isn't the normal human default response to meet our anger calmly.

We are more likely to take the haste of the reptilian response, as our anger flashes over at boiling point reached within seconds. Such a response is a response of a child, for children of ages 2-5 characteristically lose control instantly.

Our challenge is to rise above the reptilian response, and, employing the higher adult mind - that which is trained by virtuous portions of stately patience - we enjoy the ability to remain silent, pondering the stimulus to anger on our beds (or in some other quiet place, whether physical or mental).

ENGAGING IN MINDFULNESS

If and when we are given to anger - notably the source of rage that has an outworking of damage or the potential to damage - we have missed the invitation to mindfulness.

Mindfulness is a discipline of the mind consciously engaged in thought for the moment. Any of us can improve our capacities to consciously engage within our moments. God provides wisdom to the extent of our capacity to invest in the learning.

As we are mindful, which is saving a significant portion of our thinking space for a broader perspective than our anger, we are blessed with reason beyond ourselves. This is when we know God is with us, helping us, empowering us to decide with a reasonable mind.

These are practised things. More and more we can achieve control in our angry moments. When we are practicing patience with consistency, calmness becomes us more and more, and in explosive moments we find sufficient capacity to be silent and enough wisdom to wander away from the danger zone.

***

We can thank God for the capacity for contemplative silence in moments of rage. But these disciplines we must be trained in. We will gain in the development of wisdom and patience and perspective according to the earnestness of our prayers desiring same.

Achieving better outcomes in angry moments is essentially about gaining mastery over acts of silent inaction within the moment. The less we do, the more gain there is.

© 2013 S. J. Wickham.

Men and the Root of Anger: Is It Anger Management or Wound Healing That Is Needed?

Anger is a natural, healthy part of our emotional lives. It is only when anger becomes out of control or explosive that it turns harmful. Men experience anger on all levels. We can easily recognize men with anger when it turns to rage, aggression, or violence, but few people can identify the other signs of anger in men, such as depression, being hard on self, the need to be perfect, the need to be tough, and the obsession to achieve. Whenever men examine the sources of their anger, they are often surprised at how deep their anger goes, how it is related to past hurts, and how deeply tied into their identities it has become.

It is important to understand the confusion that men have with anger. First, anger most often starts in boyhood and is confused with "power" and "strength" in young males. This confusion comes because anger "feels" powerful, especially if a boy is fearful and wants to find a way to cover up his fear with an emotion that emboldens and energizes him. Second, the confusion about anger is further compounded by a boy's experience with angry adults and poor emotional modeling. Boys view angry adults as being more powerful and threatening in their expressions of anger. These angry role models teach boys that expressing anger as a source of power and emotional dominance is acceptable.

The problem is that boys learn to depend on using anger for getting their needs met, instead of being able to appropriately express their needs by talking about them. Likewise, boys can become habitualized to depend on anger as a means of relief from unacceptable feelings (e.g., fear, shame, guilt, etc.), instant gratification of demands, or to create feelings of being powerful or invincible.

Anger most typically gets transformed into aggression in young males, which becomes another source of confusion, since boys in general are encouraged or rewarded for their aggression, especially in terms of competitive sports. Some may argue that aggression in sports is a good way of channeling anger, but most men don't know how to switch it off, especially at times when the anger-aggression may be triggered by feelings of being threatened, hurt, or fear of vulnerability.

Dependence on anger usually carries on into adulthood as a "habit" than gets out of control. Our jails and prisons are full of men for whom anger became their only way or habit of getting their needs met. This sad, but true fact is why there needs to be more emphasis on helping men heal the wounds and hurts behind their anger.

Anger management programs are often recommended by family members, significant others, and even courts after a man has had some sort of outburst or aggressive behavior. Reviewing some of the websites available, the common selling point is that "men can learn to control their anger" through techniques and timeouts. Although valuable and helpful, lasting change comes through healing the emotional wounds and hurts at the root of anger, not from attending anger management classes. Working one-on-one with a therapist can help men to discover the roots of their anger stemming from emotional wounds. The therapeutic process can help guide men through the stages of grieving, forgiveness, and letting go as well as equip them with healthier coping strategies for appropriately expressing anger. Men of all ages are able to experience transformation and heal through therapy so that their anger is no longer out of control.

Why Do People Have Anger Problems?

Every now and then we get a little angry, if something doesn't go our way of if another person ticks us off then it's understandable that we want to lash out because of our frustration. This is a perfectly natural human emotion. What happens though when we find it difficult to deal with our anger, what happens if we get more angry than usual? We all know someone who probably gets a little more than they possibly should when concerning certain things. It may be the case that they have an anger problem. While anger is a perfectly normal human emotion, if you don't deal with it in the right way, if you are unable to contain and control those feelings of anger, you could find yourself lashing out at those closest to you.

People with anger problems aren't able to deal with other emotions that could potentially damage their reputation or image. It's easier for this person to feel anger rather than shame or sadness. It could be that anger is the 'go to' emotion for any sort or negative influence on that person's life; so rather than deal with an emotion such as shame, that person decides that instead that he or she will simply get angry and lash out. In this example, anger is used as a defense mechanism to shield that person for feeling any pain and showing weakness.

These feelings of anger are not uncommon, in fact a recent study shows that almost a third of us know a close family member or friend who has problems dealing with anger. This can have a serious effect on our relationships with these people, you could find yourself working harder to keep these people happy in case they lash out or become angry again. The threat of physical or verbal abuse from these people is often great, and if you find yourself trapped in a relationship with a particularly angry person then it can be very difficult to get out of or talk to that other person about their anger issues.

The unfortunate thing about anger is that while it is a perfectly natural emotion, it can start a vicious cycle of anger. If a person who has trouble dealing with anger and over reacts at something small and lashes out, they can find themselves getting even angrier than before because they have lashed out in the first place. It can be hard to calm down and deal with these issues once this cycle is up and running, the person can find themselves in a whole heap of trouble as they forget what they got angry about in the first place and in turn become even angrier.

It seems that with people who suffer from anger issues, that anger is always the 'go to' emotion for any type of negative influence on their lives. When a problem or issue arises in their lives they don't stop or think about how they are going to deal with it, they just rummage around in the emotion drawer and pull out the first thing that comes to hand, anger. Once you've become used to dealing with everyday problems with anger then it can be difficult to stop. Anger is like a drug, when we're feeling angry it releases adrenaline into the bloodstream to get us pumped up. The body is forced to work harder and blood pressure is increased. We get a release from acting out in anger and working off this adrenaline, it is this release that people can become dangerously addicted to.

Not only is this psychologically damaging but it can also be detrimental to our health. Those that suffer from anger problems have been shown to have increased blood pressure and weaker hearts due to the organ having to deal with increased blood flow when that person gets angry. This can seriously decrease the life expectancy of that person.

Dealing with anger is never easy, but it is a necessity. If we fail to deal with our anger in the proper way then it can have serious effects on not only our relationships with other people, but also have a massive psychological and physiological effect on ourselves. There are now a number of different ways in which we can learn to deal with our anger such as anger management courses and group therapy where you can learn to deal with your anger in a number of different ways. Rather than reaching for anger at any opportunity you will learn how to control yourself and relax, it's about taking that second to think about what you're really doing and realising that anger isn't your only option, that you can deal with your emotions in a normal and rational manner.

There are ways of dealing with your anger, it's important to speak to the professionals and get help from anger management courses and psychologists.

Verbal Attack - How You Can Assuage It?

All of us have at some time or the other come under verbal attack from loved ones, even strangers. This is a common menace we all have to deal with... the threat is very real, especially when our spirits are dampened and we can't be productive at all.

Let us figure out how we can help ourselves come out of an attack-unharmed.

The mind of the offender is not logical or rational. They are most probably swept away by anger at some offence committed against them or feeling let down. Perhaps, their expectations were not met and they feel like they have the right to vent themselves. We have all been through these ourselves. Whatever be our mindset or mental agony, we must realize that there is no good in staying in that state. When all the damage is done, we often regret it. We wish we had not spoken in that moment and spoilt it all. But the damage is already done and we feel left out, sidelined, and worthless too. Only wish there was an undo in life!

As we have also been victims of verbal attacks, we can relate with the frenzied mind of the offender. While not all verbal attacks are unnecessary, there are times when we burst out because we feel violated or misunderstood. These are times when one feels powerless, either way. The fact remains - we can put our point across only when we can master our anger and have a lot of self-control. This is precisely why the Bible says in Proverbs 15:1, "A soft answer turns away all wrath". There is a way to do it and the faster we can master this art, the more peace and quiet we can enjoy.

While there are points to be conveyed and made understood, there is a gentle and a patient way of doing it. We must not be controlled by our emotions. They can be harmful to our bodies and make us impatient and loud. The better way is to calm down first and think of something that is good about the person who offended you. This puts them in a different light. You start valuing them for what they are. Suddenly their little misgivings don't seem to count. But if you still feel that it is right to express your point, make a little time to settle down and then speak carefully and listen with your heart. Take the time out to think about it yourself, before rampaging on their souls.

The benefit is over time, people will copy your good behavior and you will be rewarded with their patience and support. You will love being told that you are very gentle and caring. This compliment is worth getting and it is worth the effort as well. There is magic in being gentle and it really works. With a little effort, you can make your relationships really valuable and top class.

How Can You Keep Your Anger in Check?

With our lifestyles getting busier, one tends to adapt to a routine which when disturbed can make our minds go out of control. When things don't go as expected, when people don't behave as expected, when situations head out of our control, we usually give in to anger because when you get angry, your mind isn't in control. When a person gets angry, he is releasing all his negative energy by either shouting at a person or causing any damage that seems apt at the moment.

Once we return to normalcy, we have to face the consequences of our anger as well. In the process of being angry, we tend to hurt people, relationships, make hasty decisions that affect others and us as well. It doesn't matter what happens or who makes the mistake, one has to be very careful when directing his anger. Getting angry isn't a bad thing but being angry with the right person for the right reason is very important.

Below are a few tips on how you can keep you anger in check:

Reduce your expectations: A major mistake which most of us do is to keep expectations so high that people around us are never able to meet them. When they fail to do so, we get angry with them for the slightest thing which can cause strain in relationships. Firstly, cut short your expectations and see the difference.

Nature has its own way- While there are a lot of things that can be controlled by you; there are another thousand things that cannot be controlled by you or anyone on earth. Some situations are controlled by nature and there is nothing you can do about it but accept it. Do not give yourself a hard time for things that are beyond your control.

Keep a journal - When in the need to shout or vent out your anger, instead of shouting at people and later regretting, try writing about your negative feelings into a journal. In this way, you will be releasing all the anger that is bubbling within you. You could also maintain an online journal which can be kept secured with a password.

Go for a walk- One other thing most people prefer to do when angry is to head for a walk. Walking usually clears your head because as you walk, you tend to analyze the situation and reason out the best way to solve it. If you're not able to solve it immediately, give it sometime. Eventually, you will figure out the best way.

Getting angry is easy but actions taken in anger usually end in regret. Hence, remind yourself the consequences and train yourself to keep your anger in check.

Anger Management in Your Family

Relationships are very fragile and needs one to have some tips to manage anger. A few words are capable of breaking a relationship built for many years. Anger is the main cause for trouble between members of the family. You cannot live in harmony with your family if you don't learn on how to control your anger. Is it really impossible to get rid of anger? It is not impossible; however you can manage it in a manner that will strengthen your relationship rather than breaking it.

Anger will harm you and the people surrounding you. Your children will be fearful and nervous being around you if you have a habit of losing your temper in their presence. It hurts to see your kids avoid you out of fear. This alone is a good reason as to why you should control your anger.

Another reason that should push you to get your anger under control is that anger will also make your own life deplorable. Life cannot be fun if you are angry at the world and everyone around you. This is a bad way to live your life and you are likely to end up depressed.

How to Manage Your Anger

The first step to managing your anger is to start looking at things from a different point of view. Consider what your child/children or spouse feels about a situation and then sympathize with their way of reasoning. Explain how you perceive their point rather than being hurtful, sarcastic in a discussion and angry. Always remember to tame your temper because it can do a lot of harm to your family life.

At no time should you raise your voice even if you want to express yourself. When it comes to letting them know your feelings, do it in a simple way and remember to give them a reason behind your point. Try to compromise with family members. This is necessary because it enhances a good communication and it prevents you from being selfish. Anger management does not restrict you from expressing your feelings but it controls your tempers and its negative consequences.

Make it clear to a person you hurt in the past out of anger that you are trying to change. The person will be willing to help you control your anger. Therefore discuss about your anger with your spouse if you wronged him or her. Admit that you offended your spouse in the past out of anger and make him or her believe that you really want to change your behavior. By making people understand you have a problem of being bad-tempered they will be willing to help you to manage your anger.

However, if you are dealing with a family member who is quick to anger you have to take an action. It is not good to live in fear with someone because he or she is easily angered. Talk to the person about his or her anger and let the person know that your discomfort is brought about by his or her behavior. Discuss how you will help each other solve the problem.

When dealing with problems within your family, learn to be compromising and be patient with the member causing the problems. Personal desires are not a remedy to family problems.

Hopefully after going through the anger management tips mentioned above, you should be able to solve your family problems.

Does Venting Anger Really Work?

"For reducing anger and aggression, the worst possible advice to give people is to tell them to imagine their provocateur's face on a pillow or punching bag as they wallop it... "
~Brad J. Bushman (2002)[1]

According to Bushman's study, where he had three research groups to observe regarding anger responses, catharsis theory - thinking about the person who has angered us and venting anger using a punching bag or punching a pillow - is nonsense. Such a response only angers us more.

He found that of the groups that 1) did nothing regarding someone else hurting them, or 2) simply became distracted instead of responding, that the group that thought about the person who had angered them, and acted out their rage, actually increased their residual anger and aggression rather than decreasing it.

Punching a bag or screaming into a pillow doesn't actually alleviate anger.

Furthermore, the group that was distracted (not venting their anger on a punching bag) were less angry than the punching bag group but were no less aggressive. It was only the (control) group that did nothing as a result of their anger, but were required to sit quietly for 2 minutes who had an effective response through the reduction of anger.

Venting anger seems to be like pouring fuel on an already raging fire.

Distracting people in their anger merely delays their angry response.

Doing nothing but sitting quietly for 2 minutes reduced anger.

This teaches us a lot about anger - our mounting anger in response to another's offence. We are better off becoming distracted than we are thinking on and acting out our anger. But even better is doing nothing in the moment.

So how are we to respond by 'doing nothing' in situations that provoke our anger in ways that are effective?

BETTER WAYS FOR ANGER MANAGEMENT

What we learn from this study is that simply sitting quietly, managing our mood as best we can, is as effective as any of us can manage.

Of course, Christians have another technique: prayer. Rather than venting in prayer, which may help at times in the process of grieving, it might be better to sit quietly in our minds and hearts in facilitating the reception of God's peace.

What delaying our responses in the quietness of our minds and hearts achieves is the facilitation of the higher mind. This frontal lobe part of our brains - the Neocortex - is developed through delaying instinctive responses like anger.

We are better off not acting on our angry feelings, but praying to God for quietness within our hearts and minds, such that our higher minds might advise the right response at the right time and in the right way. Yes, with God's help, we can train our minds to cope better with angry feelings.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.

[1] Brad J. Bushman. (2002) "The Venting Anger Feed or Extinguish the Flame? Catharsis, Rumination, Distraction, Anger, and Aggressive Responding" in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (28:724).

Perfection Does Not Exist Permanently

I know, we all want perfection and want so badly to think that it can somehow exist permanently. Unfortunately, as change is constant, it does not and can never exist in a permanent way. I also know that my article title sounds extreme, but really it relieves people of extreme concepts that are not necessary, especially when you think of the reality I am putting forth in this article. The reason this article is under the category "anger management" is simple, trying to achieve the unachievable is genuinely frustrating for starters. Not only that, but when you consider the concept of perfection I am going to put forth, you will be relieved that I am putting down or assassinating that concept as a whole by writing in a realistically derogatory way about it.

The trying to achieve permanent perfection or an ideal that is perfect without any flaws in a permanent way in this world or in any genuinely objectively realistic working realm is folly. I am not saying that consistent greatness is folly in any way, I am writing about that impossible state of mystical perfection that knows not any flaws permanently which does not exist in reality in an obvious way. But it seems desirable to all who have a concept of this sort of ideal or perfection. By the very definition, it is unrealistic and should be let go, but the concept is there especially when things go wrong and "imperfect" or "off course" temporarily. This is where the anger management concept comes in. Instead of getting angry at the "imperfection", embrace it and get back on course in a natural, freely flowing way. That is the best way to deal with imperfection, instead of having a fear of it. Simply get back on course when it happens instead of giving up and going totally off the "deep end" and saying "impossible". For, it is a case of going from point "A" to point "B", and what happens in between even if perfect or imperfect as long as the journey works right or correctly and you get where you want or need to genuinely go. In short, anger only happens when you genuinely give up or destroy yourself because of a perception of imperfection and not actual imperfection or inability to get where you want or need to go. Also, I would like to end with an old saying, "travel plans and flight plans are never exactly perfect, only the destination when you get there is even close to perfect."

Perfection Does Not Exist Permanently

I know, we all want perfection and want so badly to think that it can somehow exist permanently. Unfortunately, as change is constant, it does not and can never exist in a permanent way. I also know that my article title sounds extreme, but really it relieves people of extreme concepts that are not necessary, especially when you think of the reality I am putting forth in this article. The reason this article is under the category "anger management" is simple, trying to achieve the unachievable is genuinely frustrating for starters. Not only that, but when you consider the concept of perfection I am going to put forth, you will be relieved that I am putting down or assassinating that concept as a whole by writing in a realistically derogatory way about it.

The trying to achieve permanent perfection or an ideal that is perfect without any flaws in a permanent way in this world or in any genuinely objectively realistic working realm is folly. I am not saying that consistent greatness is folly in any way, I am writing about that impossible state of mystical perfection that knows not any flaws permanently which does not exist in reality in an obvious way. But it seems desirable to all who have a concept of this sort of ideal or perfection. By the very definition, it is unrealistic and should be let go, but the concept is there especially when things go wrong and "imperfect" or "off course" temporarily. This is where the anger management concept comes in. Instead of getting angry at the "imperfection", embrace it and get back on course in a natural, freely flowing way. That is the best way to deal with imperfection, instead of having a fear of it. Simply get back on course when it happens instead of giving up and going totally off the "deep end" and saying "impossible". For, it is a case of going from point "A" to point "B", and what happens in between even if perfect or imperfect as long as the journey works right or correctly and you get where you want or need to genuinely go. In short, anger only happens when you genuinely give up or destroy yourself because of a perception of imperfection and not actual imperfection or inability to get where you want or need to go. Also, I would like to end with an old saying, "travel plans and flight plans are never exactly perfect, only the destination when you get there is even close to perfect."

I Am Anger

I'm found lurking within pent-up hostility,
A product of frustration and impatience's fertility,
I come to all human beings it seems,
Even in the midst of sleep-bounded dreams.

I come upon you morning, day, and night,
And you can struggle with me despite what you know is right,
Such madness can be illogical - a comprehensive snare,
What you can't put past me is my tempestuous dare.

I am audacious and horribly sinister,
And it doesn't matter if you're a murderer or a minister,
I come to one and all in confounding ease,
I am Anger and I bring you to your knees.

Now, what brings out Anger's horrible effect?
It's the time when we've been duped and lost self-respect,
Despite the commonality we've only ourselves to blame,
For struggling against struggle in Anger's name.

Though I am Anger and I can be subdued,
It takes the restraint of wisdom so experiences are not rued,
Just the ability to see the potential consequences is needed,
If only we can see these and ensure they are heeded.

I am Anger and I'm cause for regret,
Because of the myriad needs that are left unmet,
But when we are aware and honestly humble,
There is no need for our psyches to rumble.

I am Anger and I'm to be restrained,
That is if you don't want to be horrendously maimed,
For, I can turn on you in an instant, just wait and see,
Why would you doubt me when I take away what's free?

I am your Anger and please do not doubt,
I am but a flash away, and I come with a clout!
I am to be respected - in humility's best,
Only truly then can you genuinely rest.

Inwardly and outwardly I need you to be,
Without cause for want of an uncontrolled spree,
I tell you that I, Anger, have come now, it's said,
One hasty move and your reputation's found dead.

I am Anger and I'm so normal to life,
A life unrestrained that might cause unmerited strife,
But when you're patient I will cause you to grow,
That's because peace beyond reason you may know.

I am Anger and I'm here to say,
When you're aware of me, surely, I'll not ruin your day,
Because options aplenty do exist beyond me,
If only you'll ensure the option chosen sets you free.

***

I am Anger and the choice, always, is yours,
Your response is one that either opens or closes doors,
Be aware, then, what it is you control,
And don't be fooled to not know your role.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.