Are You Stuck With No Way Out?

What is it that is holding you back from being happy? What do you feel is the road block in your life that "if only" that particular thing was different then you could be happy? Have you ever consider that the real reason you remain stuck in this imagined hell isn't because of the outside circumstances but it's because of you?

Oh I know, admitting that it's you is a hard pill to swallow and there are things that happen in our lives that basically suck, big time! But... it's up to you as to whether or not you rise above it or if you choose to let it consume you and suffer. It's called, resistance.

Resisting "what is" is the quickest way to make yourself miserable. You wallow, worry, whine, wish things were different 24/7, and you waste your life away doing this. Ask yourself, "What is it that I can change about this situation?" And then take the steps to change it instead of crying about it.

Sometimes you can't change anything about whatever it is your dealing with because you have no control over the situation or the other person who is inflicting this discomfort or pain in your life. In which case the only thing you can change is your attitude towards it. You can change how you view it, how you are going to approach it and how much time you give to dwelling on it negatively.

There is a way out of this mental torture chamber that you've chosen to imprison yourself in and that is through how you choose to perceive it. You do this through your mind. You have the God given ability to choose what you think and no one can think for you. When you choose to change your thoughts; it will change how you experience anything.

Replace the worrisome, painful thoughts that keep you entertained all day long to those of acceptance, of hope and of KNOWING that everything is going to work out for your higher good. Truly grasping and understanding this concept is when you will find the pathway out of your mental misery and begin to live the way you were meant to.

Take these 2 scenarios as examples. One person loses a one year relationship with someone she was in love with and who she thought was going to be her husband and she can't move beyond the pain. Another person was married for 20 years with 3 children and her husband left her for another women and she is picking up the pieces of her life with an inner strength and courage that so some would seem impossible. Some would argue that the latter's pain would or should be greater, but pain is pain.

What is the difference between the two? It is 100% how they view their situations. How they feel is totally controlled by what they are telling themselves about it. Neither of them like it but one is telling herself that she is going to find the strength and move on and the other is saying that she can't move be on the pain and is devastated.

People ask me how they can stop hurting, how they can move beyond the pain and how they can stop thinking about whatever it is they are going through. And, I say the same thing to everyone and some do it and some don't. Some understand it and some don't.

It is all about what you say to yourself over and over and over again. When you learn to replace the thoughts that keep you stuck and hurting with those that will set your free; you will move on and live again.

Let's say you want to lose weight because it is causing you to be unhappy. Every time you go to eat something would you chose healthy wholesome foods or choose to eat what you know is going to work against you? It's the same with wanting to lose your pain. Do you choose healthy, empowering thoughts or do you choose to eat a meal of sorrow, regrets and why's?

There is a way out of your pain for everyone no matter what it is you are going through and it all begins with you. You have the power within you to allow thoughts in or push them out. It takes a little time and practice but it's worth the result in the end. Otherwise, don't expect anything to change when you keep on thinking what you're thinking.

A great women once said, "You make your own good time or your own bad time." It's up to you to be happy or sad. It's your choice. And when you understand that, how can you not choose happiness!

3 Key Levels of Self-Identity That Powerfully Impact Leadership Skill

How we lead first begins with our relationship to our "self." In fact, everything we do stems from this source of mindset. It determines our perception and how we see our self in relation to others and to the world at large. I've come to understand three general categories of self-identity/self-image and how each one will show up in our everyday lives in business and, specifically, as leaders.

Keep in mind that 95% of what runs our lives is out of our awareness or "unconscious." It can be accessed, if you understand how, yet most people are too busy "doing." They have lost sight of the present moment and how to "be."

Hence, most of what is possible or what they truly act out in their lives goes right over their heads; they are so busy-minded that they miss what would otherwise be obvious. So before you write off a category, be mindful that if you are not fully self-actualized-as Maslow would say of one who is enlightened and evolved, with feet planted on the earth-there is a good chance that on some level at least some of this applies to you.

The first category would be "Low self-image/self-esteem." Here the identity is, for example, "I am not good enough," "I am not worthy," "I am powerless/helpless," or "Something is wrong with me." Keep in mind that these stories in our brain are often formed before age seven and get locked into our physiology at the level of cellular memory. So even if you are 50, you may still be carrying the thoughts and feelings that formed in early childhood based on an illogical story. Here are some ways that it can manifest in everyday business as a leader:

* Fear of risk taking - fear of innovation/change

* Perfectionism - fear of making mistakes

* A passive leader avoiding conflict - people-pleasing to a fault

* Aggressive, over reactive - bullying and controlling to self-protect

* Invulnerability and lack of trust - hiding behind an "intellectual" mask

The second category is one where the self-identity/self-esteem is not really intrinsically felt to be low, yet there is an excessive dependence on externals to provide sense of self-worth, security, and love. "Enough is never enough." Also, being a people-pleaser is typically associated. As long as there are enough labels, awards, and personal recognition, one's self-esteem is okay, and even feels high. This person can really be into comparing her or himself against others and against transient external values. They tend to be out of touch with their authentic soul gifts and talents; all that matters is achievement and recognition. The problem is, the external world is shaky and unstable. Hence, self-worth is unstable, and if one loses their standing, down plummets self-identity. Of course, this is a gradient and not a one-size-fits-all range. Here's how it shows up in business leadership:

* Often a "likeable" leader - yet not always straightforward

* Typically an "over-achiever" or "go-getter" out of balance in other areas

* Can feel easily upset if not recognized "enough"

* Insecure and has to struggle with envy of others and self-comparison - limits ability to develop others

* May create hierarchy of judging others constantly: "I'm better than, smarter than... " - which is damaging to collaboration with others

The last category is a leader who is well on the way in the journey of "self-actualization." He or she is consciously moving through their fears, insecurities, and emotional pain. They are truly courageous and inspiring. They are more self-aware of the need to bring together congruently the mind and heart - a "heartless mind" is no way to live. They respect their intellect AND their feelings. In fact, the energetic magnetic power of feelings has been measured to be 5,000 times the magnetic energy of thought alone - and they understand the power of the heart to fuel a vision. This is the category we can all grow into when we are ready to step up to real innovation and change with a "brave heart." This leader is tapping into their spirit and realizing that there is more than meets the eye. They are visionary. They understand that growth is a process and can know that who they are is not what they do. This leader is confident enough from inside out to allow others to also grow, and she or he in fact encourages others to step up. Here are some examples of how this would show up in business leadership:

* Willingness to "fear-less" - to be vulnerable

* Higher levels of innovation and risk-taking - more creative and insightful

* Better able to self-manage emotional landscape - of self and others

* Leads by example, congruent - walks the talk

* Collaborative - able to allow others to have more autonomy, purpose and self-mastery, which leads to better ownership and alignment

Of course, there can be overlap, and this is not a linear process of development. Where does all of this begin? In the mind, the control tower of our lives. It also has to engage the heart. As long as we are afraid to address the arena of emotion and feeling we will continue to live from a paradigm that feelings are bad and to be avoided and repressed at all costs. We will continue to imprison ourselves in an illusion.

Feelings and emotion are the doorway to true personal power. Research is showing that we are assigning the meaning to our lives. We are "making it up" as we travel. Wouldn't it make sense to learn how to re-write the script of your mind and co-create a more empowering story line? A story that integrates the "whole" you; spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically; one that does not vilify an important aspect of being human - having feelings.

Your health, wealth, and relationships depend on it. Whatever you think and feel with belief is what you will experience. You'd be better off if you understood how to create more joy, peace, and appreciation in your life. This ancient principle is now being validated by science. What are your thoughts about the power of self-identity and leadership? Who do you think you are?

How To Develop The Motivation Of A Champion

Are there days when you just don't have the strength to go another day? Got a burning desire to do something that you've always wanted to do but can't seem to conjure up the motivation of a champion?

Motivation is simply a feeling of enthusiasm, interest or commitment that makes someone want to do something. You may not always know what to do or which turn to make. Sometimes you won't even know where to begin. You only know what you want your end result to be and how it's going to feel when you get there. So, in pursuit of your goals however, along the way you might experience rejection or criticism by your peers.

During one of my non-motivated episodes, I felt my job was literally consuming all my time. Adding insult to injury when confronted about pay raises, my employer stated, "times were hard" and there were no salary increases on the horizon for anyone (maybe except for him). The old saying, "go to school, get a good job and then retire" stuck with me all these years. Never once had I considered thinking outside the box. However, at this point in my life, I no longer wanted to give my employer that much control over my finances. I had to do something to create additional income.

Motivation can come from deep within and/or external sources. My "ahaa" moment came one day when my employer announced he was going to play golf... in the middle of the day! Funny thing... he had passed my desk many times before and made that same announcement, but THAT day, the bells and whistles went off and I had enough of making him rich! I decided I wanted to do the things that made me happy in the middle of the day and be in full control of my finances.

Some people feel being an employee is the easy route. All you have to do is show up for work and get a paycheck at the end of each pay period. Little do people realize that if they knock on the door of opportunity long enough and hard enough, somebody is going to answer. The question is do you have the stamina to be persistent? Nothing good ever comes without hard work and sacrifice. We need to understand that we are always more powerful than the circumstances that surround us. We should acknowledge momentary defeats, hard times or losses not as a permanent condition, but as a learning process.

The thought of having your own business can be frightening for some. We have been conditioned to "go to work and get a paycheck." Easy, but uncertain! Being employed nowadays is no more secure than owning your own business... easy, but uncertain. No one's job is guaranteed anymore and we all are one paycheck away from the unemployment line. It's important to think about a plan B.

Many of us miss out on opportunities by giving up too early in our struggle for whatever it is we desire. Our biggest challenge is overcoming self-defeating thoughts. If you fail to reach your goal, ask yourself how long did you try and what did you learn from that experience? There is a lesson in every set back. You just have to take time to figure it out. When you devote time and energy to study everything about the challenges you face, you can accomplish nearly anything you set out to do.

Dare to dream. You can develop the motivation to be a champion and make money doing something you actually enjoy! We all have the potential for achieving greatness if we take life head on. Live it passionately, enthusiastically and courageously! Don't let anyone steal your thunder. Trust your instincts and watch your journey unfold.

Thinking Positive Can Only Help So Much When You Want to Change Things

If you have ever come across any basic self help advice before, you have probably been introduced to the idea that you just need to start thinking positively and big things are going to happen for you. While it is definitely true that thinking positively can be a big help, you have to do a little bit more if you really want to see big things happen. This is especially true if you are a single guy and you are looking to meet someone so that you don't have to be single for too long.

POSITIVE THINKING IS THE FOUNDATION -

It is good for you to adopt a more positive mindset if you want to experience big changes in your life. Think of it as being the foundation. You need to have that foundation, but you wouldn't consider the foundation to be the only piece of the puzzle. You would have an unfinished project if all you had was the foundation, right? So, what else do you need once that foundation is actually laid out?

YOU NEED TO TAKE ACTION -

All your results are going to come about due to the actions that you take and the actions that you don't take. For example, if you are a guy who is looking for a date, then one of the actions that you need to take is to ask a woman out. Of course, thinking positively about asking a woman out is going to make you a lot more likely to actually go up to her, but you do have to ask her out if you want the date. Or, if you are looking to get back with a former girlfriend, the action that you would need to take is to get back in contact with her. You'd want to think positive so that you have the courage to actually get in contact with her, but that's not all you would need to do.

TAKE ACTION AND THINK POSITIVELY -

One of the reasons why you'll often hear people say that they tried positive thinking and didn't notice any differences or any major changes in their life is because that was all that they did. They didn't take any action, and therefore, didn't really have a chance at producing a result. So, if you want to experience the magic of positive thinking, you are going to have to also be an action taker. That means that you have to ask a woman out or you have to get in contact with your ex girlfriend. It's not going to happen just because you think positive and want it, but take no action at all.

A Vision Is a World Without HIV or AIDS

What would you do, if at the age of 14, you were diagnosed with HIV and then told by your doctor that you probably would not live to see your 18th birthday? Would you just give up on life and die? Or, would you fight back and try to make a difference? That is what happened to me. I was diagnosed with the HIV virus in June of 1987 at the age of 14, at that time there was very little known about the disease. I had received a blood transfusion after having surgery to repair a broken neck, during the surgery I lost too much blood and it was a matter of life or death whether to received the blood transfusion or not. I was also pregnant with my one and only daughter at the time so I felt I had no option except to get the transfusion. I wanted to be around to see my daughter grow up. The next month when I returned to the clinic for my regular check-up I was told that I needed to be tested for HIV. I was told that there was a possibility that one of the pints of blood I had been given might have been contaminated with the HIV virus, so I agreed to be tested. Back then the blood was not tested as thoroughly as it is today. Two weeks later I was called back to the doctor's office to discuss the test results. I found out I had indeed contracted the HIV virus. But, I did not lose hope; instead I decided that I was going to fight back and try to make a difference by educating others about HIV and AIDS. Since that day in 1987 I have devoted my life to HIV and AIDS education and prevention.

My vision is a world without HIV or AIDS. However, for us to obtain this vision, we must first start with more extensive HIV and AIDS education and prevention methods. It is my mission to educate others about HIV and AIDS, so as to stop the spread of this disease and to prevent the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV and AIDS. At the end of 2009, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention which estimated well over a million people in the US ages 13 and older were living with HIV infection in the United States, and of those about 20% did not know that they were infected with HIV virus. Furthermore, as of August 2011, the CDC estimated around 56,000 individuals were still becoming infected with HIV each year. In order to prevent the annual number of new infections, there needs to be more extensive education about HIV and AIDS, including better prevention methods. Not to mention that even now after thirty years since the first case of AIDS was reported in the United States; things really have not changed, people are still becoming infected at a high rate and the stigma and discrimination associated with HIV and AIDS remains to be very much alive. We as a nation need to act now before more people become infected and die. I believe that it is our job to protect and preserve our next generation.

http://www.cdc.gov/hiv/topics/surveillance/basic.htm#hivest

Are You Telling the Truth? Creating Space for Truth

The "truth" can be a slippery slope.

Working with teams and partners I get to see a lot of conflicting truths. The "he said, she said" kind. The "this is right, this is wrong" kind. And the flat out "we live in two worlds, your sky is green, my sky is blue" kind. There are all kinds. And I shouldn't limit this just to teams and partners, I'd include individuals in this dilemma as well (anyone else out there have conflicting internal truths?)

The truth is important because it lends itself to creating more trust, to creating intimacy, to building alignment, to getting things done. But sometimes it's just not black and white. As much as we'd love it to be (especially on Mondays), it's just not that simple. Sometimes "our truth" together as a team is different than "my truth" as an individual. And I think this is not only okay, but actually powerful - if it's engaged in a healthy way. It's a huge opportunity for intimacy, connection, spirit, health...

What occurs to me is that there is often no way that everyone is going to see "the truth" in the same light. (What is the truth after all?) We all have our variations of the truth through the lens we look through. The challenge is when the truths are so different, we can't find alignment. So what then? (This is where the healthy part comes in.) The magic comes in creating the space and the safety for each person in the system (on the team, in the partnership, in the family) to share their truth. Without judgement. Without repercussion. Without disdain. Even without argument. The truth is vulnerable. The truth has truth.

The art of truth telling is in honoring each person's truth, for exactly what it is. To witness them in their truth. To create space for intimacy. The truth teller's job is to do just that, tell the truth - and to assume good in the witness. The witness' job is to listen, to be present - and to assume good in the truth teller.

And when alignment is needed? A "help-things-go-right" path can be to find the shared intentions behind each person's truth to find some alignment. To speak to what's happening. To name the conflicts. And ultimately to then put the issue at hand out in front of the system to decide which truth, collaborative or not, will best serve the system.

And, of course, to be truthful, thoughtful, respectful, and present throughout the process.

Food for thought: Do you create space for truth telling in your life and organization? Do you tell the truth? If not, to either, what's missing? What would you need to be present in order to engage from this place?

Feeling Good In Your Own Skin

Whether it's working our bodies, the food we eat, what we read, or what we watch, many are the inputs toward the outcome of feeling good in our own skin.

The older we get the more important it is to feel truly good on the inside. This has both physical and spiritual connotations - and all between, to the mental and emotional also.

Lasting peace is that frank surprise of this prepared nature; to have 'gone on in' toward the search for contentment in the Lord, to listen and to feel our way there - to our essence.

Better to feel good in the body than to look good in the mirror (though both are better!). The former is wisdom; the latter (by itself) vanity, which is sweeping itself away on a tide to nowhere. Forgotten before long is that current which might ordinarily consume us if we're not careful.

Feeling and learning to feel: great things are these. This is life and hope for us, yes, today! Feeling and learning to feel are cherished spiritual faculties honouring the truth of life by our honesty. Such honesty is blessed. Feeling good in our own skin is the best of the wisdom life.

AN INTENSE SEARCH TO KNOW OUR CORE & BE DISCIPLINED IN APPLICATION

Feeling good in our own skin must be about knowing ourselves inside and out. Secondarily, it has to be about having the discipline of application - which is wisdom - to do what we actually can do to bring this feeling-good-in-our-own-skin experience to bear.

God has given us everything we need to determine our destinies in this way.

It's up to us whether we will embark upon this intense search to get to know our core, and whether we will have the ongoing resolve to deploy action toward those ends.

Perhaps it is age that motivates us to want to feel truly good on the inside - in our minds and hearts and stomachs and muscles and joints. As our fitness wanes, and our memories do too, we mourn our shortening capacities.

When we are motivated we are a force to be reckoned with. And we have every good motive when we choose to do what we can do to feel good on the inside, for feeling good on the inside is God's sign that we are on the right track of life.

If we are to manage this, however, we must agree with ourselves; it has to become the most important thing under God; it will be the actual way we will obey the Lord.

© 2012 S. J. Wickham.