Feeling Bored or Uninspired? Six Quick Fixes!

I've had a few moments recently of feeling, well, really just bored and completely uninspired and kinda purposeless. And these feelings, once they grabbed a hold of me, really didn't want to let go! These feelings then took me farther down the rabbit hole into a space of desperation where I wanted to latch on to anything that would make me feel alive... anything that would give me some instant gratification, some instant spark. An upper, so to speak... even if that "upper" is not a positive thing.

And that's what prompted me to write this. Because first I turned to chocolate. And that didn't help enough. But next I had to stop myself numerous times from scrutinizing my boyfriend's Facebook timeline, trying to find something to prove that he isn't as into me as he says, which would then give me reason to pick a fight with him (a sure-fire boredom cure!). Or the scouring of the Internet for all the people who have succeeded in their lives -- their successes taunting me for being such a loser-failure who has nothing inspiring or purposeful to do with her time. All of these things cause a burst of energy (albeit it a negative one), but they still give me that immediate rush that drama or anger brings, yet after the fact cause much more trouble than anything else... And all because I couldn't think of another more proactive way to snap out of my boredom and lack of inspiration.

Some other ways we try to grab instant gratification when we're feeling useless and uninspired that can only end poorly are: Googling exes (or worse, contacting exes for some sort of convoluted validation or trying to start drama with them), comparing our life to that of a college roommate or high school rival on Facebook and seeing how they have everything and we have nothing we thought we'd have by now, eating junk food, turning to massive amounts of caffeine, picking a fight, or checking our email like 17 times in one minute. We're looking for something when we do this. We're looking for something to make us feel alive, anything to give us a quick fix.

So. If we're feeling purposeless, bored, uninspired, how can we snap out if it? Instead of grabbing for a negative quick fix, which is guaranteed to cause us to crash after... what can we do that's proactive?

1. Start thinking about what you DO want. Close your eyes for a moment and visualize yourself on the vacation you want to go on, working at your dream job, moving into the new home, using your talents to help people... whatever it is you DO want, focus on it. The moment we focus on what we do want, our whole energy shifts, and I bet you won't feel uninspired anymore!

2. Take one action step toward accomplishing a higher goal. Write a few sentences of that book or article you've been wanting to write, sign up for that online dating site or for the class you've been wanting to take, email the contact you've been putting off reaching out to, start brainstorming on paper your idea for a new business, or workshop, or product... Whatever higher goal you have for yourself, take one action step toward doing it.

3. Get moving! Even if you're at a desk at work, get up for just a few minutes. Walk around the block, or even just the office if that's all you can do. Moving around and any sort of physical activity immediately changes your state and shakes things up.

4. Contact a friend instead of an ex... Hopefully a friend who will in no way, shape, or form, allow you to contact your ex! No explanation necessary here.

5. Read a few lines from inspirational writing or watch a few minutes of an inspirational video. The web is FULL of both of these things! So instead of getting on the Internet to cyber stalk, obsess over Facebook, or check your email for the millionth time, watch, read, or listen to something uplifting.

6. Help someone who is in need. Check on a friend who's been in bad shape, get a cup of tea for your disgruntled co-worker, send a note of love to your mom "just because." As soon as you get out of thinking only of yourself, you will immediately feel uplifted.

Changing our state really isn't that hard. It's just that we've been programmed to reach for immediate gratification, for some sort of "medicine" to cover our discomfort, to reach for something external to fix us quickly, to lift us up. But all it takes is a different choice. All it takes is one moment. So just choose differently next time and see how it feels. I'll tell you that for me choosing to write instead of choosing guaranteed drama feels much better in the long run. There is no hangover... there is no crash... and there's a blog out of it!

For more by Holly Sidell, click here.

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Is Guilt a Good Motivator?

I recently had one of those "ah-ha" moments as I was walking down the street mumbling to myself about what a terrible human I am for reacting in a way that I wish I hadn't. Feeling horrible and wanting relief, I was searching my mind for all the self-help guru suggestions while repeating a few positive affirmations meant to "redirect my energies" (you know the drill) when suddenly the simplest thought squeezed between the chem. trail of (spiritual-sounding but ultimately) judgments (that were suppose to prove I was a good person).

Has guilt ever lead me to being a better person? The answer was so clear.... NO, it actually hadn't. I felt a surge of relief. It was in that moment I had permission to stop feeling bad. My body immediately relaxed. What was feeling guilty really going to accomplish anyway? Isn't it just a backwards way of trying to prove I care?

Am I a happier person, a kinder mother, a more loving friend or a more compassionate companion due to guilt? Has guilt lead to creating a new me?

Okay, sure. I've probably made a few small shifts and well-meaning apologies but in truth, have I actually changed any undesirable aspects of myself due to guilt? Any changes I may have experienced were most definitely short-term. Any behaviors I have transformed were due to my desire to create something new and that desire was what motivated me, whereas guilt merely haunted me.

I can see where our society has inadvertently believed that guilt was good. That it has seemingly lead to actions that have in turn helped me believe I was in fact, an okay gal. But there's a difference between being motivated by guilt (taking actions that are usually short-term or that backfire) and learning from guilt (gaining self-knowledge that leads to new choices).

At its best, guilt can help me understand where I'd like to make changes. It provides clarity as to what is or is not working regarding certain behaviors (which at their core are just habits) I can then take that information and use it as the impetus to learn, speak and act in ways that are more in alignment to my true desires.

If guilt is my motivator, others will feel it. There's a good chance their responses to me will match my unconscious motivations. My daughter has been a great teacher in this area. When I do something because I want to make up for something I'm feeling guilty about, she's usually not too receptive. At best I get a grunt in return, but what usually occurs is she outright refuses my gesture, I feel hurt and react, and then guess what happens? Guilt wins again (nice repetitive pattern I've got going here)! She's not buying my guilt-based actions/words, often she refuses to let me "fix it" and why should she? Since they're all about bringing me relief... not her.

Guilt is lame as a motivator. Action derived from my desire to be more understanding and caring of her is quite different from decisions that are direct descendants of guilt. Guilt can show me something is "off," but that's the end of its usefulness.

Consider your guilt-induced actions and decide if you're demonstrating care or building some unhealthy cyclical pattern in your relationships?

When you're willing to listen and not speak from guilt, not react from guilt, not accept guilt, but come from a willingness to understand what the other person is feeling, your power to authentically care for the other person arises.

No one wants you to feel bad, really. What they want is your care. They want you to know they're hurting. You can only support them in understanding that there is pain there and your actions may have awakened it and your love and support can help them release it, whereas your guilt may only perpetuate a cycle of blame, guilt and temporary relief.

For more by Kimberly Berg, click here.

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